Kitchen Nightmares, Season 2, Episode 3: Trobiano’s

Welcome to the third episode in the second season of Kitchen Nightmares. This is the show where professional chef and entertainer Gordon Ramsay drops in on various failing restaurants across the United States and shows them how to shape up and fix all of their problems. He leaves them with a high class menu, better cooks, and hopefully a legacy of success.

Tonight we find ourselves once again on Long Island. Apparently, 70% of all failing restaurants in this country are on Long Island. Anyway, we are in the town of Great Neck, only a couple of miles from where I was born. Our restaurant this week is Trobiano’s, a fine Italian restaurant that has been struggling to stay in business for the last three years.

One reason that it is having a tough time staying open is that there are already many fine Italian restaurants in the area and this one is nothing special. The other reason is Anthony, the co-owner of the restaurant. He shares ownership with his girlfriend’s parents. The father is Joe and he tells us that Anthony came to him one day and said that he was sick of working for other people and wanted to start his own restaurant. For his daughter’s sake, he footed the bill and retained co-ownership with Anthony. Pat is Joe’s wife and she is the hostess.

The girlfriend is Tiffany and she is a waitress at the restaurant. She laments that maybe they’ve been spending a little too much time together and notes that they never fought before they got the restaurant and began being together all day. Now they fight all the time.

Anthony tells the camera that the bottom line is that it is his restaurant and that he makes the rules. Period. Unfortunately, Joe and Pat disagree.

When they started the place, business was great, but the food quality suffered and business fell off. Anthony established an “early bird special” for the old folks in town just to bring in enough customers to stay afloat. It may not be enough, however.

Joe laments that he put everything on the line for his daughter and perhaps he put too much faith in her boyfriend. The restaurant has only a few more months that it can stay open if something doesn’t change fast. Oh where oh where is a hero to save them from certain disaster?

Right on cue, here comes our knight in gleaming apron. It’s Chef Gordon Ramsay bopping down the street. He stops at the big sign in the window and thinks that the business is for sale. No, it’s the early bird special. He notes the price, $14.95, and comments that the price is too low and it is just as cheap as an ordinary sub shop.

Well, I don’t know what ordinary sub shops that Ramsay eats at, but I generally have a $5.00 sub and a soft drink and I am out of there for about $6.50. Even at the fancy sub shop down the street I can eat for about $10. I guess that just reaffirms my belief that celebrities are wholly out of touch with real life.

That reminds me of a favorite line from the TV show Arrested Development. Lucille is complaining that Michael wouldn’t give his brother a free frozen banana from their business. She says, “C’mon. How much could one banana cost, ten dollars?” After a pause, Michael says, “You’ve never actually been in a grocery store, have you?”

Ramsay enters and sits everyone down for a talk. He starts by asking whose bright idea it was to open the place (he obviously read the summary of the place and knows the answer). Anthony’s hand shoots up. Ramsay notes that he was only 25 at the time and had no experience in Italian restaurants. Anthony agrees but says that he did have ambition and knows everything. Ramsay calls him arrogant and Anthony agrees.

Joe calls it rough to have everything on the line for Anthony. Tiffany chimes in and says that she hates working here.

Ramsay asks whose pathetic idea it was to have an early-bird special. He knows the answer, of course. Anthony’s hand shoots up again. He says that it brings some customers in.

Ramsay summarizes the problem by noting that the whole family is kowtowing to Anthony’s every whim. In confessional, Anthony supports that by saying at the end of the day, it is his name on the sign out front and he makes all the decisions.

We move ahead in the day and see a trail of elderly people trudging into the place to get some of that cheap food. The editors helpfully play old-folk music as we see unflattering images of customers pushing walkers down the street. Ha ha.

Ramsay notes that everyone agrees that the food here is excellent and, as we all knew would happen, Ramsay decides to try out the menu. He pushes aside a couple of walkers parked at the front door and squeezes into a table.

He looks around and says that he feels like he is visiting his granny at the retirement home. He makes some more disparaging remarks about how old people are just fuddy duddies and how depressing it is to have to be around old people. Please send your hate mail directly to Chef Ramsay.

He places his order and finds that the salad is chopped. He wonders if that is so that the old people can use a straw. He then adds eggplant tower and chicken-wrapped shrimp. He asks the server for a recommendation for some fish. The server says that the salmon is fresh and he could have it with a side of veggies or pasta.

Ramsay is revolted and asks whether they really serve spaghetti and fish on the same plate. The server says that they do it all the time. Ramsay looks appalled.

The appetizer arrives and it is, indeed, strips of eggplant piled up like a little tower of blocks similar to Jenga. He says that it tastes bad and that the cheese is cold and store-bought.

He then gets the chicken-wrapped shrimp. He tastes it and notes that it does look like chicken but tastes like shrimp. He says that it is ghastly. He notes that cooking a shrimp this way, inside a chicken, makes it tough and rubbery.

Next up is the salmon and pasta. I note that they are on separate plates. He picks the fish apart and calls it dry and horrible.

As each dish is returned to the kitchen, Anthony gets more and more upset. He is very angry that Chef Ramsay hates his food.

Ramsay calls the family together to give them his report. He says that the first problem is that are serving huge portions and the customers are taking home a whole meal for the next day. He recommends serving tiny portions at much higher prices.

He calls the food hideous. Anthony says that the food looks fine. Ramsay asks if he tasted it and he says that he didn’t. Ramsay says that whenever food is returned in his kitchen, he tastes it to find out what was wrong.

Now I have to stop for a moment and point out that that is not exactly true. On his show Hell’s Kitchen, which I have been reviewing, we never saw him taste returned food. Okay, I’ll grant that he usually makes the chef who cooked it taste it, but I’ve never seen him taste it.

Anthony tells us in confessional that Ramsay doesn’t know what he is talking about. Tiffany tells him that he needs to take criticism better.

Meanwhile, Ramsay has snuck back to the restaurant and is examining the kitchen. He finds meat that has gone bad and dirt and grease all over everything. He finds stacks of “clean” dishes with standing water on them and crusted dirt. He also finds mouse droppings.