The Amazing Race 13 Finale: Donuts, Dinosaurs, and a Million Dollars

As usual, I’m skipping the previouslies because they cover the whole season. The short version is that a bunch of people went to a bunch of places and did a bunch of things. Some of those people were smart and some of them weren’t. Some of those people were entertaining and some of them were annoying (and some were both). Many of them forgot how to read. Now we’re left with Ken & Tina, a separated couple hoping to reconcile; siblings Nick & Starr, who are almost the ideal team except that Starr keeps freaking out; and frat brothers Dan & Andrew, who somehow managed to make the finals despite screwing up on almost every leg. Tonight one of these pairs will run off with a million dollars.

We’re starting out in Moscow again, where Nick & Starr leave first at 10:56 p.m. They exchange “I love you”s before finding out that they’re going back to the U.S., specifically to Portland, Oregon. Starr interviews that they’re tired but their adrenaline will help them get through the last leg. They can’t believe they’re nearing the end, though Nick points out they’re still far from the end. They get a 7:05 flight that connects through Frankfurt.

At 2:28 a.m., Dan & Andrew leave, Dan saying they deserve to be in the final three because they’re persistent. He doesn’t want to race for second place. They talk about flights at the airport. Ken & Tina leave third, happy about going back to the States. Tina interviews that they’ve never wanted out if the race, and she’s not leaving without the prize.

Dan & Andrew get seats on the Frankfurt flight then decide to use the Internet. Nick & Starr are doing the same, checking out the park they’ll be going to and noting that they think they’ll be able to handle the activities facing them there. Ken & Tina are also on the Frankfurt flight. She thinks she can trust him; she can see in his eyes that he’s changed. On the plane, the three teams give those statements of confidence again, vowing to fight till the end.

In Portland, the fight continues with taxis. Nick & Starr are out in first and Starr tries to butter up their cab driver. Ken thinks they have “a horseshoe stuck in their rear end.” Dan & Andrew have managed to get a driver who doesn’t know where he’s going (and possibly also doesn’t speak English).

Nick & Starr take a wrong turn but quickly figure it out. However, the bobble allows Ken & Tina to pass them. They get a Detour and have to choose between High & Dry and Low & Wet. In High, teams climb a tree, traverse a log, and leap for half of the next clue. If a team member falls before getting the clue, he or she has to start over. In Low, teams walk on a bridge over water to get the clue. I’m sure there’s more to it than that, but trust me, we don’t need to worry about it. Ken & Tina pick High, knowing the heights (remember, Tina’s not a fan) might be scary, but it should be faster. Nick & Starr arrive and make the same choice.

At High, one of the safety guys tells Ken & Tina exactly what they have to do, so basically, there’s little chance of screwing this task up, since the teams have now read the instructions and heard them verbally. Not that I put it past anyone to screw up. While Dan & Andrew use their driver’s cell phone, Ken walks the log and jumps for a trapeze bar before grabbing for the clue. He’s successful, but Tina is still nervous about completing the task herself. Nick decides to grab the clue instead of the bar, which could possibly leave more room for a mistake, but it doesn’t. Now it’s up to the women to finish for their teams.

Dan & Andrew’s driver misses their turn, and they ask him to turn around. I’m wondering if they’re going to be driving around in a cab the whole episode. That might be fun. Tina takes some time out to mess with her harness, not caring that it’s slowing her down, since she’d rather not choke. I think I have to side with her on this one. Starr does pretty well with some encouragement from Nick. Dan & Andrew say that if they win (big if), it’ll be the biggest win in the show’s history. Uh, Flo. Just saying.

Starr is done, and she and Nick are now going to the Bridge of the Gods to ride a zipline. Lots of heights in this episode, it seems. Tina is taking her time, still choking. Ken doesn’t look happy. Well, do you want her to be alive at the end of the task? Wait, don’t answer that. She has some trouble before she has to jump for the bar. I’m afraid of heights, too, so I have nothing to make fun of here. I don’t know if I would have even been able to get up on the log, no matter how many safety harnesses they had me hooked up to.