Solitary 3.0, Episode 1: A Real Pain in the Butt

Welcome back to Solitary! VAL is back to once again test the physical, emotional, and mental limits of her subjects. She controls all aspects of the subjects’ lives; the food, the temperature, the sleep... and what they do. It has provided some memorable moments in the past... but there are more in the future, all designed to test aspects of the contestants’ personalities. They can leave at any time if they press the red button, but the one who VAL can't break wins $50,000 in prize money.

The contestants arrive blindfolded, expecting to be in isolation... but VAL has a surprise for them. Each pod has two people in them. Karrie & Trizz are in the green pod, Katie & Jennifer are in the tan pod, Maureen & Ceon are in the orange pod, RobRob & Andrew are in the pink pod, and Jason & Jen are in the yellow pod. VAL informs them their pod, or a similar one complete with separate antepod and bathroom, is going to be their new home. VAL asks what they think of sharing pods. Nobody likes it, but VAL suggests they study each other as they'll be the last person they see until their time in Solitary is over.

VAL invites the players to share their thoughts in public or in private. Maureen reminds Ceon of his puppy. Katie tells Jennifer she's shorter and older, while Jennifer says Katie is sassy, younger and thus less wise, and taller, which means slower. Jen looks at Jason's tattoos, while Jason wants Jen to last as long as she can. Andrew claims to have more willpower than RobRob, while RobRob claims Andrew is overconfident. Indeed, RobRob trained for this by building his own pod and reproducing the tests and treatments from previous seasons. He's been training for months. This kind of dedication makes me wonder why so many Survivors can't figure out a flint and steel a month into that big money show.

VAL informs the contestants that before the Solitary experience can begin, somebody has to leave. She has ten players... but only nine pods. To find and eliminate the weakest player, VAL has the first test ready. The players come out of their antepods to find a bed of rocks filling most of the their pod, with a short pole in the center. VAL tells the guests that the road to hell is paved with good intentions... but the road to Solitary is far more difficult.

She tells the players that while they have been thinking that the other person in the pod is their enemy, they are, for now, their ally. Trust me, the players have mostly had looks to suggest if they could kill, their podmate would be dead. It changes immediately. The test is simple; as a tag team, they must complete as many laps running around the pod on the rocks as they can. The three teams with the most laps earn the right to split up and enter individual pods. The others will have to fight it out. RobRob immediately responds by taking off his pants.

Round one is 30 minutes. In the pink pod, RobRob and Andrew race like crazy, with Andrew taking off his shirt. In the tan pod, Katie & Jennifer also run like crazy. However, in the yellow pod, Jason is taking it easy, while Jen is mostly listless. After 30 minutes, VAL announces the round is over, and asks how they think they did. All teams think they are the number one team.

VAL informs them that the only number one was the round. VAL instructs the contestants to take off their shoes, and sends them on a 45 minute race on the rocks in round two. It isn't comfortable; with a montage of complaints about the pain is shown. Everybody is happy to have round two end. But for round three, the last line of defense is gone – no socks are allowed.

VAL tells them all that at the end of this round, the people in the top three teams will have earned individual pods. It's 60 minutes in this round, and the players feel every moment and every rock during it. When it is over, the players in the pink pod (RobRob & Andrew), the tan pod (Jennifer & Katie), and the green pod (Karrie & Trizz) are declared the winners. The yellow and orange pod contestants are told they are VAL's exclusive guests... in round four. To say they are dejected is an understatement.

Round four is a head-to-head battle... both podmates can run at once, and the team with most laps after the time limit earns their individual pods. Both teams try, but it's clear that Jason & Jen in the yellow pod are outmatched by Maureen & Ceon in the orange pod.

Maureen tells VAL she wants to be there, and suffer the torture that awaits. She won't give up. However, VAL tells her eventually everybody quits. Indeed, VAL tells the orange pod members that unfortunately they are not… going home. They celebrate. Jason and Jen in the yellow pod are told their fates. They aren't happy, because they are now going head-to-head to compete for the last pod.

While eight contestants enter their individual pods, Jason and Jen are taken to one with chains and locks hanging from the ceiling. Each of them must wear a jacket, with holes in the sleeve. VAL will provide a combination for a lock, and the first person to unlock eight locks wins. Oh, and the person who unlocks it gets to lock the bottom part of the chain on the sleeve of the other person's jacket, adding five pounds of weight. VAL provides the first combination, and the two go head to head to try to find the right lock. They keep testing locks, until finally Jason gets one off. He attaches the lock and chain to Jen's right sleeve.