American Idol 8, January 29: A Tale of Two Cities

Hang in there, everyone, we’re almost to Hollywood week!

Ryan uses West Side Story as a connecting point between San Juan and New York, our two audition locations tonight. He claims that they’ve “saved the best talent for last,” which is exactly the opposite of what I’ve heard about the San Juan auditions. Maybe I shouldn’t trust Ryan so implicitly.

First we’re off to New York, which is actually East Rutherford, New Jersey. Another lie! Adeola Adegoke says she’s been compared to Mariah Carey and Mary J. Blige. She believes in her future superstardom so much that she’s already quit her job. She warbles “And I’m Telling You I’m Not Going.” Listen, people, Jennifer Hudson won an Oscar after singing that song, so you’d better actually be worthy of an Oscar if you’re going to attempt it.

Simon tells Adeola to go retract her letter of resignation. She begs for another chance without even listening to him. He offers to call her boss on her behalf (he did that a few seasons ago and was successful). The other judges chime in and tell her to literally not quit her day job. Ryan calls Adeola’s boss David so Simon can try to get her job back. David easily takes Adeola back, making her really like Simon.

Apparently we’re going to switch back and forth between New York and San Juan. Over in Puerto Rico, Jorge Nuñez hopes to rock America with his voice. He sings “My Way” in Spanish. He has a great voice, but I’m not sure it’s a pop voice. Paula asks to hear him sing in English, so he sings “What a Wonderful World.” Kara and Paula like his voice but note that he has some pronunciation issues in English. Simon says that they came to Puerto Rico for Puerto Rican singers, so the accent isn’t an issue. All four judges want him to come to Hollywood.

Jessika Baier came to Puerto Rico from Michigan and almost forgot that she just turned 20. She financed her trip with money she won in a contest. She’s been in contests since she was eight months old. She’s also opened for Drake Bell and Corbin Bleu. Oh, and she met Jessica Simpson in an airport. Heh. Too bad she sings Celine Dion. She’s very loud but has an okay voice. Simon isn’t pleased, though. Paula pleads on Jessika’s behalf, wanting to give her a second chance. Simon refuses. Oh, come on, she’s not that bad. Jessika gets defensive and says she’s nervous. Paula, Kara, and Randy all try to give advice, but Simon is fed up and pushes them to reject her. Eh, at least Jessika got to go to Puerto Rico.

Jessika ushers in a montage of people saying the judges are wrong. Then we’re back in New York with Melinda Camille, who feels like she has a message to give to the world. She wants to uplift people because she’s happy, especially while she dances naked in her room. Family show, Melinda. Simon reads from her sheet that she also wants to join a nudist colony. Kara asks if she wants to be naked right now, and Melinda says she would be if everyone else were, too. Simon advises her to picture Randy naked.

Melinda sings “Feelin’ Good,” which makes sense since she’s so smiley and happy. She’s good, but I’m not sure she would stand out aside from all the perkiness and naked talk. Randy and Kara like her, Kara calling her a “vitamin boost.” Melinda gets four yeses and gets to spread her happiness to Hollywood.

Ryan dances with some punk guy in the holding room. Randomly, after that, we move on to Jackie Tohn, whose dad thought she should learn to play the guitar once she had started singing. She was quickly hooked and started writing songs. She wants to share her talents through the show. Jackie sings Jason Mraz’s “I’m Yours,” the only Jason Mraz song I don’t hate with a vengeance. Her voice is pretty good, but it’s not a good audition song. Simon asks her to sing something else, and this time you can actually hear how talented she is. She just has some little affectations that are kind of irritating. Hopefully she’ll cut them out.

Kara tells Jackie she wants to hear more of her in the future. Jackie asks for some advice, and as Simon starts to respond, the windows behind them suddenly start falling. That’s not a good omen, is it? Anyway, Simon tells Jackie that the worst question she can ask is who she should be. I think she was just wondering what style of music the judges would like to hear her sing. It doesn’t matter – Jackie gets four yeses and we’ll see her in Hollywood.

Back in San Juan, we get Spanish narration and a montage of bad singing and begging. Then there’s another montage of people with lots of energy but little talent. One girl does a step routine but doesn’t sing. At least she’s a good stepper. Simon doesn’t like the punk guy.

Puerto Rico’s Joel Contreras tells us he’s known as the island’s crazy rocker. I’d go with annoying attention-seeker, myself. He dresses up as a rat and accosts poor, innocent bystanders. He comes into the audition room with a giant cardboard iPod cutout and sings horribly. Simon asks for another song, so he sings another song horribly. Why is he still on my TV? He looks like the love child of Sanjaya and Danny Noriega. Simon finally decides to get rid of him. “I hate everything,” Simon says, summing up his whole attitude toward the audition episodes.