The Chopping Block, Episode 2: An Endangered Species

Previously on The Chopping Block: An over-stressed Khoa and Denise threw in the towel as Chef Marco Pierre White was about to sack Zan and Than from the Black team. This earned them an induction into the Reality TV Hall of Shame for quitting. We were introduced the the contestants, the concept, and of course, Marco, who frankly doesn’t seem to live up to his Hell’s Kitchen reputation – he just comes across as windy. But let’s see what happens this time, shall we?

After seeing waaaaayyyy too much of what’s coming up later in the episode, we begin on a New York City morning: The sun is shining, the birds are chirping, and some guy is peeing on the sidewalk. Probably.

Marco says the most important thing about a restaurant is the environment in which you sit. Not true. I’ve eaten at some truck stop dives that have had to-die-for burgers and fries. Marco asks the teams to set out a table (as an example of their ideal décor), and adds that one wall in reach restaurant has been painted white. It looks like the table will be in a corner with that white wall. It’s a blank canvas, he says, to do with as they wish. That sounds dangerous.

The front of the house folks from each team are sent to a popular home décor store (you can probably guess which one, sailor) to get the stuff they need to make their vision for their restaurant a reality. Samantha of the Black Team says they wanted to go with neutral colors, then paint the wall a contrasting hue – like pale yellow? Ugh.

The Red Team is thinking literal – red paint, red flowers. Mikey says the color scheme will be red, cream, and silver. That makes shopping really easy. Especially if you’re in an Indiana Hoosier gift shop.

Marco babbles on again about how few people can read a room and the most important aspect of any restaurant is the room. I totally disagree. Serve me crap food in a beautiful room, and it’s still crap food. But what do I know? Marco is the super chef, right? Oh, yes and the kitchen is the heart, and … Man, he babbles on a lot in that confessional chair.

Marco is now back in the Red Team kitchen, trying to convince them he’s there to help them win. Funny, I figured he was probably there for self-publicity purposes. He introduces them to some ingredients any idiot would be familiar with (such as lemons and olives, black and green), as Chad is in “awe,” apparently. Chad must be easily impressed.

Marco demonstrates how to cook a sea bass dish with tomato, olives, capers, and basil. Then he heads over to the Black Team and does pretty much the same thing with scallops. Keep it simple and make it great. Got it? Okay, let’s move on. Wait, we can’t – Marco has to ramble on self-importantly a while longer.

Michael tells us that he is now head chef for the Red Team (Lisa was last week), and he’s taking his responsibility by the horns. Actually, he says “executive chef,” but I assume that’s what he means.

In come the front-of-the-house folks, carpets and flowers and doo-dads in hand, with an hour to decorate the little corner of restaurant space. Both teams get busy painting and so forth – but with the clock ticking, Dean apparently feels it’s a wise idea to sit down with the Black Team and declare himself head chef. I think it’s in the middle of decorating time; anyway – that’s the way the editing makes it seem. Dean says he’ll be the first one to stand up and say something is his fault. Uh huh. I’ll believe it when I see it.

The Red Team likes the idea of contrasting stripes on the red wall. It’s like bright red. Fire engine red. My bathroom is painted the same way, so I kind of like it, but it might be off-putting to some people. The Black Team is indeed painting their wall yellow, FYI.

Angie of the Black Team is looking at the table settings and wondering where the water glasses are. Her daughter Samantha isn’t feeling the idea. Yes, that scene was about as interesting as that last sentence made it sound (which is to say, not very).

Time’s up, and both teams are happy with their work. High-fives all around. Marco says some very dramatic things about décor to the camera with a raised finger for emphasis. Blah di blab blah.

Marco enters the Red Team’s space first. He says their set-up has the feel of a real restaurant, but some details they chose to overlook. The table cloth, for instance, is really, really wrinkled. He asks why they didn’t iron the cloth. I don’t remember that store having irons, so where would that device have come from?

Marco asks who chose the color of the wall – Mikey raises his hand. “Good choice,” says Marco. Panya isn’t thrilled – she says in confessional she came up with the “red” idea first. Now kids, let’s play nice. Panya doesn’t say anything about this to Marco. Hmm.

Anapol is called out for letting the table be so wobbly. I guess he set it up? It’s hard to tell. Marco says it’s like dining on a ship. Heh.

Well, that was fun. Now it’s off to the Black Team’s restaurant. Marco says he’s “confronted by a bright yellow wall.” That sounds very literary, like a line from a Kafka book or something. He immediately notices the lack of water glasses. Oops. Listen to your mother, Samantha. There are wine glasses there serving as water glasses, but that just ain’t cutting it for Marco.

Zan says the idea behind the glasses (and I don’t get this) is to accentuate the food. Marco remarks that from he saw in their first go-round they should try to hide the food as much as possible. Zing! Marco says the black-and-yellow color scheme makes him think of sunflowers. And off he goes to take a walk and process his thoughts.

As soon as Marco leaves, Angie goes off about the glasses and says she’s shutting her mouth and not talking anymore. That will probably be much appreciated by your teammates, Angie. She stomps off and pouts. Then she rants about it some more. She’s right, but man, she doesn’t come off very well. Dean, staying positive, tells her it’s all right, the team is still going to win. “Not the way you’re running it,” she mutters.

The winning team, we learn, gets a $10,000 shopping spree from our previously-mentioned popular home décor merchant. But which team will that be? Marco has made his decision after a nice walk. He pops back into the Red restaurant, gripes about the wrinkled table cloth some more, but praises the two-tone wall. The stripes, remember? It sounds like Marco does a slow clap before he reveals his decision (although we can’t see for sure) and announces that they’ve won the challenge. Geez, so far, the Red Team is Ulonging the Black Team.