Celebrity Apprentice 2, The Finale, Part 1: The Final Task

This week’s show is a whopping three hours long. Accordingly, this recap is split into two separate postings – this first one, recapping events related to the performance of the final task, and one that will be posted soon, which details the events of the final Boardroom.

As usual, the episode starts with a recap of the previous episode. Here’s my take on last week’s insanity: First, teams had to create an ad for canned tuna. Clint was PM for KOTU, and he repeated his errors of ignoring teammates and focusing only on aspects that appealed to his own interests, and thus was fired.

Then, Piers Morgan interviewed the remaining candidates and suggested eliminating Brande and Jesse. As this set up the finale Trump not-so-secretly wanted, he followed Piers’ recommendations.

Last season, Carol Alt was fired at this stage for no reason, except that Trump wanted Trace in the finale with Piers from drama, rather than by merit. The same thing happened to Brande this season – she was sacrificed to keep Joan in the game. Who sees a trend here?

If you missed that episode or want more details, you can read my recap here.

In an opening, The Donald asks us, “Who will become the next Celebrity Apprentice? Will it be legendary comedienne Joan Rivers, or do I pick the vicious poker player, Annie Duke?” As he mentions Annie, the camera focuses on a shark mounted on a wall. Then, Donald tells us he hasn’t made his decision yet. I rather doubt that.

Trump then enters a theater where a live audience awaits. The announcer introduces, “New York’s number one attraction – Mr. Donald Trump.” Donald mounts the stage while the minions assembled cheer wildly. He begins by telling us he has two mothers for us on Mother’s Day who are tough, smart, and vicious.

Trump also announces that the show will be back next season. Thanks for the warning; I’ll get the rubber walls in my writing office reinforced!

Trump admits he’s been amazed by the way the two finalists have treated each other, and a lengthy recap of the season is launched. Let’s skip past it and get to new stuff.

Action resumes right after the last episode ended, with the women having returned to the suite after the Boardroom. Joan doesn’t want to talk to Annie, nor listen to what she has to say. Annie wants to know why Joan insulted everyone in Las Vegas. Joan says she doesn’t want to be childish. However, she waits until she’s about to walk out of the room to say she only deals with her equals.

Trump assembles the duo at Two Times Square to announce the final task. Six eliminated contestants are called in to assist – including Melissa Rivers and Dennis Rodman.

A coin flip decides first pick, and Annie wins. She selects her friend Brande Roderick, while Joan selects the effective Herschel Walker. Trump asks Melissa if she is insulted and she responds, “Not at all.” Melissa tells us that since Annie will not pick her, the Rivers have planned that Melissa would be Joan’s last pick. Good game play, but the playing field isn’t level, is it?

As Melissa smirks, Annie picks unpredictable Dennis Rodman second. Joan counters with disruptive Clint Walker. After a pause, Annie takes the distracting Tom Green, and Joan cackles as she gets daughter Melissa as the consolation prize. To summarize, here are the teams for the final task:

Joan’s Team

• Joan Rivers, comedienne
• Melissa Rivers, daughter
• Herschel Walker, former NFL player
• Clint Black, country singer

Team Annie

• Annie Duke, poker player
• Brande Roderick, Playmate
• Dennis Rodman, former NBA player
• Tom Green, comedian

Dennis and Tom… together again. I wonder if this means that Annie also gets the use of a female Russian “model”?

The task is outlined. Each team must produce a VIP party with a silent auction. Items to auction must be solicited by the teams. They also need to load Celebrity Apprentice-related material onto a Kodak video picture frame, to be integrated into the party.

Further, the teams have to sell tickets to Cirque Du Soleil’s show Wintuk. These tickets are to be sold at face value to the man on the street.

Ivanka outlines the judging criteria. There are five points:

1. money raised
2. Kodak product integration
3. charity integration
4. the celebrities in attendance
5. overall guest experience

Selling the Wintuk tickets isn’t a criteria? Also, there’s no mention of the weighting of the five criteria. Surely “celebrities in attendance,” who may not even bid on items, does not hold the same importance as money raised for charity? Jesse got fired for his inability to raise money, and suddenly, that may be just a small part of the biggest decision of the season? I don’t understand the frustrating inconsistencies.

The two parties will be held in the same large room, which will be split into two halves. Both teams must use the same party planning company. Finally, they have been assigned a double-decker bus to utilize in their public ticket sales.

Whew, that’s quite a list of activities!

Live, eliminated contestants not part of the final task are brought out and introduced. Trump talks to Dice first. He rambles. Scott Hamilton is next and thanks Trump for what he’s done for figure skating in Harlem. He admits he is glad he was fired before the serious fighting broke out. Jesse says he learned how much crap he can take off of people. Classy. Brian says he had a good time. Claudia is happy to have shown she’s more than a model who can open a briefcase.

I note that Natalie Gulbis, Tionne “T-Boz” Walker, and Khloe Kardashian are missing. Nancy played the last round of an LPGA tour event today, finishing respectably (tied for seventh), so that makes sense. Tionne may be performing somewhere. However, noted DUI repentant Khloe is no doubt too disgusting an individual to be allowed on Trump’s stage.

Back to the task. Melissa says she’d rather have Tom or Dennis instead of Clint, but still feels their team is strong. Joan thinks this is a battle of good versus evil, but doesn’t identify for us which side she represents.