Here Come the Newlyweds 2, Episode 1: The Newlyweds Are Back!

The newlyweds are back! Tonight marks the return of our favorite reality comedy series. When the first season aired, I was a newlywed myself; now, over a year later, I’m looking forward to watching the show and reminiscing about my own newlywed days.

Our host, Pat Bullard, opens the show with a joke; at least I assume he is trying to make a joke. Although Pat is apparently a comedian, I don’t find him all that funny. Pat goes over the rules of the show. Each week the couples will work together to put money into the pot via challenges, yet at the same time they will be competing against each other for safety. At the end of each week, one couple will be voted out of the house. The last couple in the house will win the pot of money. The pot will start with $100,000.

The first challenge is based on first impressions. Pat is going to ask each couple a question about the group; the goal of the challenge is to match your spouse’s answer.

Pat starts with the Smiths, Andrea & Matt. He asks, “which couple do you think has been together the longest?” They both pick the McMorrises and add $5000 to the pot! Matt says he picked the McMorrises because they looked the oldest. The McMorrises don’t look old, but they do look offended.

The next question is to Bridget & Brendan Huffman. Pat wants to know which couple they think they will annoy the most. Bridget says the Coxes and Brendan says the Smiths – no match and no money for the pot.

The Iengs, Michele & Sonarak, are up next. Pat asks them which couple they think have sex the least. Michele says the Smiths and Sonarak says the Hinkins. Apparently the Hinkins are Mormons who were virgins when they got married, which is why Sonarak picked them.

Pat’s next question is to the McMorrises. He wants to know which couple has completely opposite music taste from them. Makayla says the Huffmans and Kenny says the Smiths – again, no match and no money for the pot.

The Newberys, Audra & Rich, are asked which couple has the best sex life. There’s no match here either, as Audra says the Oskowskis and Rich says the Coxes. They don’t add money to the pot, but we get to hear Rich’s great British accent.

The Corlisses are asked which couple is the most attractive. Both Marlo & Mark pick the Oskowskis and that’s $5000 more for the pot! I have to say that I would have never picked the Oskowskis as the most attractive.

Pat then asks the Coxes, Ashley & Matt, which couple is their polar opposite. They both say the Corlisses, apparently because of Mark’s tattoos.

The next question is for Katie & Nick Oskowski. Pat wants to know which couple laughs together the most. Katie picks the Iengs and Nick picks the McMorrises and the pot remains at $115,000.

Sarin & Jed Hinkins are asked which couple has the most fights. No money is added to the pot, as Jed says the Huffmans and Sarin says the Corlisses.

Pat tells us that the pot has been increased by a total of $15,000 and is now up to $115,000.

Pat takes the couples out back for the next activity. It’s Capture the Flag – men vs. women. The couples are given paint ball guns and told that the first team to capture the flag and bring it back will get breakfast made for them by the losing team. The guys charge the flag and end up winning the challenge. I’ve got to say that watching this challenge isn’t that exciting – especially as all the couples are wearing masks and I have no idea who is who.

The couples all take a break from challenges to have dinner and get to know one another a bit. We get to hear how some of the couples met. The Newberys met at a bar, the Iengs met at a date auction, and the McMorrises met at a club.

The next day, we watch the women make breakfast for the men. The women made some kind of breakfast food that needed to be blurred out on screen. I really don’t even want to speculate what was on that plate.

After breakfast, Pat introduces the next challenge. The men need to get dressed while blindfolded. The women will direct their husbands to find clothes scattered around a room. The winner of the challenge will be safe from the elimination vote this week.

Pat instructs the men to strip down to their underwear and the game begins! The McMorrises are up first. Mikayla directs Kenny around the room and basically gives him such poor direction that he runs into every piece of furniture in the room. I’m surprised he doesn’t hurt himself. The McMorrises end up with a time of 5:26. We then see a montage of the other couples muddling through the activity. There is a lot of tripping, falling, and yelling going on, but somehow everyone ends up getting dressed.

Pat gathers the couples again and reveals the times, from worst to best. The Newberys are at the bottom of the heap, followed by the Iengs, the Oskowskis, the McMorrises, the Hinkins, the Corlisses, and the Coxes. That leaves the Smiths and the Huffmans as numbers one and two. Pat tells us the Smiths are the winners and are safe from being voted out this week.

Pat then offers the Smiths $10,000 in cash to give up their safety for the week. Of course they absolutely shouldn’t do it. If they take the money, they will be an easy target for the other couples to vote out. The Smiths decide to keep the money and give up their safety. How dumb! I’m betting this is their last week in the house now.

The couples spend the evening hanging out by the pool and discuss what they will base their votes on tomorrow. I’m convinced any discussion is editing misdirection and all the couples have already decided to vote off the Smiths, but we’ll see.

The couples gather in the backyard for the vote. Pat asks each couple to join him one at a time to vote. The Coxes are up first. We see Pat talking to each of the couples but we don’t get to hear any of the votes.

Pat reveals that the two couples with the most votes against them are the Smiths (told you!) and the Oskowskis. What do you want to bet that the Smiths voted for the Oskowskis and everyone else voted for the Smiths? Pat announces that the Smiths are going home. No surprise there. I hope the $10,000 is worth it.

Next week, the women have to identify their husbands’ butts via touch alone. This should be fun to watch!

Jennifer Tsao lives in Manhattan with her husband and infant son. By day she has a typical desk job and at night she obsesses over reality TV. You can reach her at realityjenn@gmail.com.

For more news about reality TV, be sure to check out SirLinksALot: Here Come the Newlyweds and The Source: Reality TV Headlines!