Here Come the Newlyweds 2, Episode 2: Bugging Out

Pat addresses the eight remaining couples and tells them they have an opportunity to increase the prize pot, which currently stands at $115,000. Pat introduces the challenge. Each wife will have to identify her husband’s butt by touch alone. For every wife who is able to select her husband’s tuchus out of the lot, $10,000 will be added to the pot.

Ashley Cox is up first. She tells us that her strategy is to find the butt that feels like a bag of nickels. Is that different that the butt that feels like a bag of dimes? She’s blindfolded and the men line up in front of her in an assembly line fashion. Ashley tentatively pats all the men’s butt cheeks.

We then see clips of all the women feeling the butts. Some are a lot more forward then others. Makayla McMorris actually has a technique where she starts from the top, then cups the cheeks and lifts. She’s very comfortable squeezing all the butts. Kenny McMorris looks amused to watch his wife give rear end massages to all the other contestants.

Pat asks the wives to identify their husbands’ butts by number. The Oskowskis are up first. Katie thinks Nick was butt number six, and she’s right! The pot grows by $10,000.

Michele Ieng correctly identifies Sonarak’s butt as butt number seven and Marlo Corliss also correctly identifies her hubby’s behind.

Sarin Hinkins guesses that butt number four belongs to Jed, and she’s wrong. Andrea Smith thinks that butt number four actually belongs to her husband, Matt, and she’s wrong as well! Audra Newbery thinks butt number four really is Rich’s butt, and it is! Rich is pleased that his butt is so popular.

Bridget Huffman then picks Jed Hinkins butt instead of Brendan’s.

Makayla McMorris is last and I hope she gets this right since she spent so much time squeezing all of the butt cheeks. Fortunately for her, she does correctly identify Kenny’s butt as butt number two.

Five women correctly identified their husbands’ butts so the pot is now $165,000.

Back in the house, Pat introduces a special guest. It’s Dr. Ruth! She looks like she is only four feet tall. Seriously, she barely comes up to Pat’s waist. Dr. Ruth wants to talk about orgasms. The couples all giggle uncomfortably. Dr. Ruth asks if anyone has a question about premature ejaculation and Brendan Huffman tentatively raises his hand. Pat calls him out on it and the poor guy in now probably scarred for life – thanks, Pat!

Dr. Ruth asks the couples if they have any questions. Bridget Huffman is clearly very uncomfortable. Makayla asks about pre-sex massage – not a surprising question from the butt massage expert. Unfortunately, we can’t hear Dr. Ruth’s answer because she is bleeped out. We also don’t get to hear any more of the questions. I’m guessing ABC didn’t want to have to continue to bleep out everything Dr. Ruth says.

That night, Ashley Cox is massaging Matt’s butt and presumably trying to figure out how she failed to identify it. As she is doing this, Matt lets a huge one rip (yes, I did actually just type that). Ashley & Matt start freaking out and they are so loud the Oskowskis can hear them across the hall. I hope the Coxes are embarrassed when they watch this.

The next day the couples gather to hear Pat introduce the next challenge, in which one couple can win safety from elimination. There is a kitchen filled with thousands of roaches, crickets, and other bugs. The challenge is to gather as many bugs as possible using only your hands. I’m creeped out just by watching this on television. There is literally no way I’d be able to walk into a kitchen full of bugs and start scooping up roaches with my bare hands. I’m curious to see how the couples fare at this challenge as I’ve got to imagine there is at least one person who is as grossed out as I am.

The Corlisses are up first and Marlo looks terrified. They run into the house and Marlo just screams. Mark grabs handfuls of bugs while Marlo continues to scream and wretch. I don’t blame her; some of these bugs look as big as mice.

We then see a montage of all the other couples and surprisingly only a couple of the other women are as squeamish as Marlo. Audra Newbery actually gets down on the floor and scoops up handfuls of bugs. I am so disgusted just watching this. It reminds me of the story, “They’re Creeping Up on You!” from Steven King’s film, Creepshow, that used to give me nightmares as a kid.

Pat announces how the couples did from the lightest amount of bugs collected. The Corlisses are in eighth and last place. They are followed by the Iengs, the Oskowskis, the Newberys, the Huffmans, and the McMorrises. That leaves the Coxes and the Hinkins. Pat tells us that the Coxes came in second place and the Hinkins have won safety in the next vote.

Pat offers the Hinkins $15,000 to give up their safety. Sarin & Jed aren’t as stupid as the Smiths were last week and they decide to keep their safety. Good for the Hinkins!

The next day, the couples need to decide who is going home. They gather in the back yard to vote a couple out. Pat meets with each couple individually to collect the votes. We get to see a couple of the votes. Brendan & Bridget Huffman vote for the Oskowskis and Audra & Rich Newbery vote for the Huffmans.

Pat asks the Corlisses and the Oskowskis to step forward as the two couples with the most votes against them. I am actually surprised, as I would have expected the Huffmans to be in the bottom two. Pat tells us that the Corlisses are staying and the Oskowskis are going home. I liked the Oskowskis and I’m sad to see them go.

Next week, the couples get more sex lessons, go shopping in a hardware store and answer questions about one another.

Jennifer Tsao lives in Manhattan with her husband and infant son. By day she has a typical desk job and at night she obsesses over reality TV. You can reach her at realityjenn@gmail.com.

For more news about reality TV, be sure to check out SirLinksALot: Here Come the Newlyweds and The Source: Reality TV Headlines!