Knievel’s Wild Ride, Episode 6: Love and Products

Welcome to the sixth and final episode of Knievel’s Wild Ride. The show starts off with a bang as we begin with Robbie yelling at his business manager to get him sponsorship. “You’d make a lot more money if you had Preparation H, Excedrin PM, and Marlboro… either you get me three sponsors or I’ll get you one. It’s called Vaseline.” The feel of this scene seems a bit staged. Easily, the worst reality show acting this side of Strange Love.

[Before we go any further, I‘d like to say to my three readers out there that I did not set out to critique this show. A recap should be that; a recap. However, I had high hopes for this show and they’ve been horribly dashed. Imagine being excited for the Star Wars prequels, then recapping them while experiencing the tremendous disappointment. It would be hard to hold in your bitterness.]

This week’s jump is in West Virginia. Zuck, the business manager, tells us that Robbie will be jumping the starting gates of a horse track. It’s the “On a Steel Horse I Ride” jump.

Zuck also tells us that before the jump, Robbie has two weeks of business meetings that will require him to fly all over the country. First stop is Arizona to do a toy merchandising deal. Zuck tells us Robbie would like to replicate Evel’s multi-million dollar success in toy merchandising.

Three hours before the meeting with the toy company, Robbie whines about his travel schedule. Then the opening bumper about sponsorship is replayed. Zuck says he wants to show video at the meeting to gain their interest. Robbie mocks the idea saying they already know him. Zuck sneaks a nice zinger that they know Robbie from awhile back. Is bitching out your business manager on the reality show he got you ironic or just dumb?

Robbie tells us that Zuck is not a business manager but a mere agent. “He can’t manage BLEEP,” says Robbie.

Robbie and Zuck’s meeting turns out to be with about ten executives from Action Toy Products. Robbie is wearing a very fashionable black bandana around his head. Just right for a business meeting! Zuck introduces himself as Robbie’s whipping boy and business manager. Robbie breaks into laughter at the word “manager”.

Robbie jokes, “When I come out of the closet, I’m going to get my own show like Ellen Degeneres.” Zuck then comments in the meeting that it’s the fourth “gay remark.” Robbie is cracking himself up. No one is laughing. The executives look stunned.

The leader of the corporate folk (who looks exactly like Dr. Evil- no joke) asks Robbie about the possibility of doing something with Robbie and Evel combined. Robbie explains that that kind of thing should happen, but never will because Evel will never agree to it. He describes Evel as something that is entirely bleeped out.

Afterwards Zuck and Robbie joke about their performance. Zuck tells us that Action Toy Products merchandises NASCAR toys, so Robbie would be outside their core competency. He doesn’t know what direction the company will take. It doesn’t seem that Zuck would be upset if the whole thing turned out to be a waste of time.

Speaking of wastes of time, Robbie heads to LA to read for a part in the film version of Dukes of Hazzard. Dan Haggerty (a.k.a Grizzly Adams, a.k.a very unfunny, fat, biker guy) tells us he’s Daisy Duke. Luckily he’s not wearing shorts. Sitting in an RV, Dan gives Robbie audition tips; only Robbie is doing all the talking.

Robbie tells us that he had a role on ChiPs in 1982 and still gets residuals of about $4. We are then treated to a scene from ChiPs. I can’t tell who’s playing the handsome and lucid guy in the daredevil gear. Ok, I tease. It’s Robbie. Nice footage. All the good footage in this show is always at least 30 years old!

Robbie says the part will be great for him. When he says this, the editors freeze the frame and stamp him with “Not right for the part”. The casting agent says he is not an actor. She also says the sky is blue and that water is wet. Actually, what she says is, “He was a little… you know… like…he did good.” This girl must be a casting agent because she can’t act either. I’m not buying what she’s selling.

Zuck tells us that Robbie is not disappointed, as the movie role would have taken him off the road for a few weeks. I don’t believe that either.

Next we go to John Paul Dejoria’s house. Yep, the Paul Mitchell products guy is Robbie’s friend. We enter the house accompanied by a hilariously spooky soundtrack. I guess John Paul’s house is haunted or something. I do love the marble statue he has of his likeness. I’ll have to have one of those made of myself and set it near my gondola by the pool. John Paul tells us he wants to talk business with Robbie.

John Paul greets Robbie in his RV and marvels that he traveled so far in it. The audience is thrilled that Robbie was not broken down on the road as in previous episodes.

John Paul and Robbie go inside the house and talk about how they admire each other. John Paul offers to make Ronnie over and Robbie says he’s up for it. This has all been obviously staged, but hey, it sure beats ramp construction and meeting Krysten Knievel at the airport!

John Paul takes Robbie to a salon where a stylist begins working on his hair. She asks him what he love about his hair. He says, “Nothing.” Good answer. There’s not much to love. She suggests he’s having a “bad hair life.” Ouch!

To the camera, John Paul says that Robbie is a friend of Paul Mitchell Systems. He’s part of the American Spirit. “He doesn’t want to kill anyone. The only life he risks is his own… and we respect that in people. Hairdressers respect that in people.”