Britney and Kevin: Chaotic, Episode 4: Fountains of Spain

Previously on Everyone Else is Watching House: “I love you… just kidding!” Boxing. No more fairy tales. “I’m leaving!”

Britney performs “Toxic.” You know, the song from the video where she’s a futuristic flight attendant. The tour is in Madrid, and we’re on Kevin Cam. After the show, Britney pouts and tells Kevin that she doesn’t like him anymore. Kevterview says that he knew it was an act. Briterview notes that it got old. Kevterview says that he wasn’t about to let her push him away, since he knew how she really felt. Briterview says that love is scary because you’re so open. Kevterview tells us that he didn’t want to say that he loved Britney until he knew she felt that way. Wait, I thought he said he knew how she felt. Who knew that this show would confuse me?

Britney dances in a Spanish house. Briterview says that love is about letting go. Yeah, we got that when you said that love is about being open. Britney thinks that her relationship with Kevin has a good balance because their friends, but they also have good sex. Oh, she’s going somewhere with this. She thinks that they’re “cute” and “cool.” They’re not too serious, and “not too anything.” I’m confused again.

Felicia says something about trust and opening up. Why do these people keep talking about being open? We got it the first time! On night vision, Britney talks about girl power and Kevin says that everyone has to be loved. Are these people on something? Is that a stupid question? Britney says she wants someone who care about her. In Barcelona, she performs “Crazy” and makes a marriage joke.

Britney sings and dances to “Straight Up.” I’d make a Paula Abdul joke, but I’ve been warned never to say anything bad about American Idol. Kevterview says that Britney was exactly what he was looking for. Yes, we all want someone who will dance to bad ‘80s songs. (And by calling “Straight Up” bad, I am in no way implying that Paula Abdul is anything but wonderful. Don’t e-mail me!) On the street, someone plays a violin and Britney contemplates singing opera along with it. No, I don’t know why. She sings a little, having fun, which Kevterview says is important. However, she grabs the attention of some people on the street and they start getting a little nosy.

Moterview says that he and Tony loved Kevin for making Britney happy, which in turn made their jobs easier. I love that he has absolutely no problem with admitting that Britney is basically a brat and they always have to make sure that Princess is taken care of. Britney and Kevin engage in a little PDA.

Fountains! Lots of fountains! Okay, enough with the fountains. Britney sings something I don’t recognize while she gets her makeup done. She gets ready for a concert and does a Xena yell. She performs “Outrageous.” I hate that song. Kevin Cam captures parts of the concert, as well as Mo on a headset. Kevin says that there are 150,000 people there. Kevterview claims that he saw Britney as normal and treated her normally. Her fame and glory weren’t important to him. Awww, you guys, he totally loves her and wants her to have, like, 10,000 of his babies, and he doesn’t care that she’s totally rich and famous! Yes, Kevin. America is just that naïve.

It’s nighttime at the border between Spain and France. Britney says that they’re being interrogated, and men are about to get on their tour bus. She says she’s about to get kidnapped and Kevin replies, “Yeah, right.” Kevterview explains that in the middle of the night, the bus was pulled over and the border patrol officers had their dogs go through the group’s luggage. He fails to add that all they found was Red Bull and Bonne Bell lip gloss.

Britney gives a Blair Witch-type interview. Kevterview notes that they can’t do anything. Britney wonders why the officers are wearing Army hats. She thinks they have a boring job. She gets to wear tight outfits and change her clothes a lot, but they have to wear the same thing every day. Yeah, that’s the worst part about working border patrol - the clothes. Britney’s happy that the guards aren’t coming on the bus. Kevin goes up to ask the driver what happened, but the driver just says that the guys were border guards.

Later, Britney asks Kevin if he thinks about her while she’s onstage. He says that she has no idea. He loves it when she wears his hats onstage, because it’s like she has a piece of him up there. That gave me a toothache. No, wait, sorry - I meant a stomachache. Britney says that she has a piece of Kevin onstage even when she’s not wearing one of his hats. Just a minute, I have to go lie down. Okay, I’m back.

Felicia thinks that Britney and Kevin developed a friendship because they had so much time to talk. Britney films Kevin, who says that he wishes he had the camera, since she’s naked behind the lens. Inappropriate! They note that there are “boys” on the bus who are asleep and have no idea that Britney’s nekkid.

Paris. Fountains, again. Are you guys sensing a theme, or is it just me? Britney says that they’re about to go see the Eiffel Tower. She says it with a really thick southern accent and wonders if she’s pronouncing it correctly. She and Kevin head upstairs (yes, there’s a second level to their hotel room) and start to engage in some inappropriate behavior.

On the streets of Paris, Britney spots the biggest “water fountain” she’s ever seen. She announces that she’s going to go make a wish and she wants Tony to film her. Tony better get paid well for what he does. Britney and Kevin head to the fountain as Briterview says that fountains fascinate her. I’m guessing that’s because she doesn’t understand where all the water comes from. Britney makes her wish and Briterview says that she won’t say what it was, but it came true. Hey, ya’ll, I wonder what her wish was. Britney gives Kevin some wildflowers. They’re in love. We get it. Kevterview says that Britney is everything he hoped for in a woman. Briterview says that he’s her soul mate. I said, “We get it!”

Britney sings “Tomorrow.” Briterview explains that she and Kevin went to New York so she could film the video for “Outrageous,” and had a few mimosas en route. Moterview says that he looked over and wondered what they were talking about. Briterview says she was nervous. Kevterview says he didn’t expect it. Apparently, Britney proposed. Briterview says that she had been thinking about it and the mimosas definitely helped her get the words out. Kevterview says that it wasn’t right, since he was supposed to be the one to propose, so he proposed as well.

Kevterview says that Britney called Felicia. Felterview says that she could tell how happy Britney was. If I may quote David from The Real World: Seattle, “Thank you so much for telling me that.” Briterview says that she then called Lynn. She called her assistant before she called her mother? Briterview says that it was a new beginning, and it was time.

Next week: A one-hour finale, starting at 8 p.m. EST. Hee, they bumped the finale up an hour so they can show a Veronica Mars rerun at 9. That’s awesome. Britney and Kevin surprise their families with their wedding (which everyone else thought was an engagement party). Tune in for the ridiculously expensive festivities!

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