The Real Gilligan’s Island 2, Episode 5: Check and Mate

This is the fifth hour of our coverage of the second season of The Real Gilligan’s Island. You can read about episode four in my review or I can give you the short version: Mandy banished … Randi does the laundry … Gilligans catch fish … Zac banished … the remaining seven feast.

We start the show right where we left off. The seven castaways are standing around, pondering their position in the game. Shawn and Tiy-e are badgering Randi. It seems that they think she is in a very un-Mary-Ann-like foul mood. She says that this is just the way she is sometimes. To the camera, Shawn tells us that he is not worried about Randi breaking away from the orange team’s alliance because, frankly, no one likes Randi and the green team wouldn’t have her.

I think Shawn is underestimating the value of a single vote in a four-to-three alliance situation.

Meanwhile, Tiy-e is explaining the alliance situation to Jim and Shawn. First, they plan to knock off Chas (i.e., Skipper “Crazy” Charlie). Then, they knock off Melissa. Jim, however, would rather knock off Erika second (he’s got a crush on Melissa, you see). In any case, Tiy-e says that, if Charlie doesn’t get that Life Preserver (i.e., immunity), it’s a done deal and Chas is voted out. Shawn says that it’s guaranteed.

Now, what have I told you, dear readers, about misleading editing? If they are going to show the orange team bluntly discussing a “done deal” to boot Charlie, it just ain’t gonna happen that way. Mark my words.

Meanwhile, Erika and Randi are having a little chat. Erika explains that the boys (Shawn, Tiy-e, and Jim) have an iron-clad bond and there is no way that she can break that bond if she stays with the orange team. Erika suggests that the girls make an equally strong alliance and include the Skipper for the majority vote.

Okay, and now we are treated to a little homo-erotic montage of Shawn and Tiy-e frolicking in the water. Shawn says that it feels good to have someone like Tiy-e take such a keen interest in him. Then, to the beat of a standard porn soundtrack, we see the two of them hugging and splashing each other and holding hands in the ocean. Tiy-e tells us that the two of them are like peanut butter and jelly or like ice and cream.

Soon, they come out of the water to where the girls are tanning themselves on the beach. Shawn says that Erika is good looking. They sit down next to the girls.

Professor Tiy-e brings up a long standing thought about the cast of Gilligan’s Island. Each character supposedly represents one of the seven deadly sins. The obvious ones are Vanity, Greed, and Gluttony for Ginger, Mr. Howell, and the Skipper.

Unfortunately, the analogy breaks down pretty fast after that as he says that Lust counts as Mary Ann. He doesn’t mention who would be Sloth, Envy, or Anger and I don’t see any of the original castaways representing those sins. In fact, Mary Ann, Gilligan, and The Professor could easily represent several of the seven virtues (Faith, Hope, Justice, Prudence).

But, let’s move on. Soon, the radio crackles to life and invites the players down to the beach for the first individual reward competition. This they then do.

Scott meets them and explains the rules. There are 250 bottles scattered on the beach and in the nearby water. Each has a note inside, but only one has the special message. The player who finds the message in a bottle will win a fabulous pizza dinner.

Scott waves his arm and they’re off! Jim tells the camera that he is not going to try very hard, since he doesn’t want to be seen as a strong player. Charlie and Tiy-e figure that the message will probably be in the toughest bottles, so they swim out to get the farthest ones. Everyone else looks for the easy score by concentrating on the bottles on the beach.

Here’s my take on the challenge. The bottles in the water are not tethered down or anything. If the producers put the winning message in one of those, they run the risk of the correct bottle floating away and never being found. So, it has to be one of the bottles on the beach.