Gene Simmons' Rock School, Episode 1: Dark Sarcasms in the Classroom

Rock School is a concept not completely new to the airwaves. In fact, I would suggest fans turn to the original Rockschool done for PBS/BBC back in the mid-1980s and hosted by Herbie Hancock for details on a program that tried to instruct kids in the ways of performing a variety of rock music (and, incidentally, also featured Motorhead). That is nothing like what this show is about however. It certainly doesn’t appear from the first episode that the teacher involved is interested in passing along musical tips to the children. Nor does it seem that the people behind-the-scenes were interested in seeing him do so. So Rockschool, this is not.

In fact, most people will be thinking of Jack Black’s School of Rock movie from a couple of years back when it comes to a rocker coming into a school and teaching the kids to become a rock and roll band. Oddly enough, if one would say that Rock School was a rip-off of Black’s movie, one could easily argue back that School of Rock was just a clichéd variation of many other “nogoodnik learning from the kids as he teaches them to be themselves” movies going back to The Music Man and beyond. So, let us just say that the concept may not be original, but it is hardly one to cry plagiarism at.

And what is this show about? Well, the opening of the first episode gives everything away actually (a rather common and irritating problem of most reality shows lately). The idea is that Gene Simmons, one of the founders of the rock band KISS, will be going into an English boarding school and working with ten teenagers (all about 13 years old) in order to create a band that can perform rock music in front of a Motorhead audience in six weeks. Most of what is to occur is given away in the opening segment of the program, so you could comfortably come back in a few weeks for the finale, see how they did, and be done with it. That’s not the kids’ or Gene’s fault, that’s a problem you can blame on the producers and editors (and, as I said, one that you can lay at the feet of most reality shows these days).

Incidentally, if you REALLY want to have the show spoiled, you could always pop over to this site to see a review of the November 27, 2004 Motorhead show, how the kids did, who made it to the final version of the band, responses from the kids who made it, and pictures of the band in action as well. So avoid it if you want to play out the show in “real time.” You may also want to avoid this article, as it has interviews with the children after the show had finished filming where they gave their opinions of their teacher. I mention all this as I’m surprised how easily information got out on the outcome of the show, something you typically do not see with reality programming. Channel 4, who created the show, may feel that the program is more in line with documentary-type programming, however, and thus felt there was no need to hide “big surprises” that come up along the way.

After the opening, we see that the school Gene is going to is a Bluecoat School called Christ’s Hospital Boarding School is Horsham, West Sussex, south of Loudon. If you came into the show and wondered why everyone looked like a Thanksgiving version of Neo from The Matrix, you can find out more details about Bluecoat School here: www.archivist.f2s.com/bsu/Blcoat.htm. Christ’s Hospital is one of the few Bluecoat Schools to carry on the tradition of the long dresscoats for the students at all times, incidentally. There’s also a long history to the school, which can be found on their website (www.christs-hospital.org.uk/) and the school is primarily for children in social or financial needs. Thus, one should not assume that these kids are some type of upper-class snobs; nor should it be assumed that these children would only know about classical music and nothing else. It is quite clear from a review of the website that the school has a vast musical curriculum involving a variety of music, including jazz and musical-variety. Of course, going into all that on the program would have gotten viewers away from the stereotype we’re supposed to have of the kids, no doubt.

Gene arrived in typical style – in a stretch limo with two anonymous blondes in the back with him. In setting up the show, Gene jokes about turning the little angelic children into rock and roll demons and attempts to do an eye-rolling stunt he has done for years. He can’t quite pull it off from the angle he is at and with the DeForrest Kelly bags under his eyes. We all get older, though.

At the school, the Deputy Head, Mary Ireland, talks about how incredibly exciting the opportunity would be for the kids to have Simmons come in to teach them. As for the children, we only get to hear from three of them and all admit they’re not really into rock music at all, so they don’t know what to expect. The show’s narrator, Dee Snider - former lead singer of Twisted Sister and a man who at one time had a bit of a running feud going with KISS – tells us that the final exam for the teenagers will be opening for Motorhead. He states that they do not know that yet, only that they will be performing in front of an audience at some time in the future.