The Law Firm, Episode 3: How Do You Solve a Problem Like Lee Davis?

Ah… it’s so nice to have The Law Firm back on TV, right?

Okay, I lied. It’s not nice to have this show back. I really thought that I would enjoy covering these shows since I absolutely love a good courtroom drama. This doesn’t even rank up there in the drama category. This is sort of a dark comedy where you’re supposed to take these cases seriously but you can’t help but laugh to yourself because everyone’s being so overly emotional dramatic. The cases don’t even make sense. The cases are horrible. I want murder! I want robberies! I want physical assault with intent to kill! I don’t want “Uh… well… my friend put up a fake wanted poster saying that I belonged to a terrorist group called EAT ME and now I’m afraid someone’s gonna shoot me over it because they think EAT ME is a real group…”

These cases suck!

Anyhoo, the next day starts after we had to say goodbye to Elizabeth and Anika after their horrible defense in the “EAT ME” case. Aileen enters first and is told by the Cute Perky Receptionist Who Has Far More Personality Than Anyone Else On This Show that she needs to open the box and pick up one of the folded pieces of paper. The number she draws determines which side of the table she sits on in the conference room. Slowly everyone starts to fill in, picking up a piece of paper and determining their fate and team. On one side of the table we have Chris, Deep, Barrett, and Michael (aka Team Michael). This should be interesting since Deep totally hates Michael. On the other side, we have Olivier, Keith, Aileen, and Regina (Team Olivier). Again, quite interesting since Regina and Olivier can’t stand each other either. Okay, there’s a reason for the team names - and it’s not because I think that those two are the “leaders” of their team, but they probably would like to think that’s the situation.

Yay! We might actually have DRAMA tonight!!!! Real drama. Someone saying something evil about someone else. Someone trying to sabotage someone’s chances. Someone getting it on in the office storeroom with the Cute Perky Receptionist Who Has Far More Personality Than Anyone Else On This Show.

Thankfully this week there’s only one case to deal with, so I’m only going to have to watch this show only once rather than twice from having to recap two cases rather than just one. This week’s case is Davis vs. Garcia and Martinez. Lee Davis claims that neighborhood kids are damaging her house and her property. She is suing the parents of the children, Veronica Martinez and Valerie Garcia, for damages. At this point, Roy Black tells them that the information for the plaintiff is in one leather binder on the table while the defendants’ is in the other. He doesn’t assign which side of the table is to with each client and simply tells them to pick a binder. We see some random hands reach out and pick up a binder and ultimately Team Michael has the defendants, while Team Olivier has the plaintiff.

I can’t wait to see the heads start butting together on this one.

Michael is already up in arms because he’s not with a top A-list group of lawyers – at least in his opinion. Well when you come in with a defeatist attitude, you’re not going to do very well, are you Michael?

Team Olivier starts reading through their file and they learn that their client will be even worse than George “BIG DOGS RUNNING! BIG DOGS OUT!” Leach because although she’s lived in the neighborhood for over 20 years, Ms. Davis hasn’t learned how to be a good neighbor. According to her file, no one in the neighborhood even likes her and, in fact, no one within an eight block radius of Ms. Davis can stand her. The best part comes when Keith reads out loud that people have actually moved away from the neighborhood as the last resort so they don’t have to deal with this woman.

Okay, one note here. I had someone like this in when I sublet an apartment in Hell’s Kitchen. This woman would yell and scream at her boyfriend or lover or sugar daddy or whatever he was at all hours of the night. By yell, I mean she was one story above me and one apartment over and I could clearly hear what she was saying. At 2:00 in the morning, I got tired of this and called the cops in to come handle it which they did. Two days later, she was at it again, this time at a more reasonable hour of the evening. After hearing her rant for over an hour at the top of her lungs (“You better come get your stuff out of here right now… right now… or I’m going to throw it all in the trash and tomorrow’s trash day!”) I made another call and the police made another visit. Finally, after three visits (the third when things started to sound like they were getting more physical than verbal) the cops were called again and I clearly heard her say, “Oh God, why can’t the neighbors mind their BLEEPing business.” I took to writing her a nice pretty note that basically said, “Next time you want to complain about your neighbors, just think that we could let him beat the BLEEP out of you next time.”

It never happened again.

But back to the case at hand.