The Amazing Race 8: The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly, Episode 3 - "Don't Die Until Later"

Ugh. I’m still physically ill over this episode. Let’s just get it overwith.

The Good:

There’s a Signpost Up Ahead: One thing I like about this show is the thought put into the detours. It can’t be easy to come up with two tasks that are similar in difficulty – so similar that you have to really wonder if beheading huge crates of shrimp would be faster than riding in a mud buggy. And you can never really say. Same as in the first episode. You’d think that pulling a buggy would be quicker than building something from IKEA’s Mennonite branch. It’s this brilliance that has made The Amazing Race a lot of people’s favorite reality show – including mine.

Ground Control to Major Phil: Undoubtedly my favorite setting this season, Space Camp is nirvana for sci-fi geeks everywhere. I just wish they had done more. See the bad for more.

Muddy Waters: Gotta give tons of credit to the Gaghans, who have become my favorites in the race by default, for Bill’s performance in the mud buggy detour. What’s funny to me is, everyone thought at the beginning that the two little kids would be the Gaghan’s biggest handicap – when in fact, the kids have helped them breeze through two detours. Billy and Carissa’s small size and light weight have given their team a huge advantage in the hand buggy and mud buggy tasks.

There’s a lesson here in pre-judging people, but it’s best saved for someone less cynical than I.

The Cincinnati Kid: I can’t help but be impressed by Megan’s drive and determination. It may not be the healthiest attitude to want to constantly prove herself to her brothers, though.

Free Gas: No, I’m not talking about Tommy Linz in the centrifuge. I have to wonder if the Bransens really understood the value of this prize – which very much might be worth almost as much as the grand prize. But there’s one question I, as an accountant, wonder. What are the tax implications of such a prize?

The Pink Ladies: The Godlewski sisters are a lot less annoying than they were on the first leg. Plus, they’ve been running a great, error free race the whole time. And I’m really stretching to put things in the Good category.

The Bad:

Validation: I find it personal validation that pretty much all the other teams find the Weavers annoying. The Schroeders even compared them to a fart! Not to mention they’re rude. Geez, you didn’t have to actually GIVE information to the others at the airport, but at least say “Sorry” or something. So everyone who has told me to cut them a break, on behalf of the other teams, please allow me to tell you to go to hell.

Then there’s the bus ride. You felt like prisoners. ON A BUS. Do you have any idea how stupid that sounds? And you were upset that you didn’t know where you were going. Considering you don’t know your ass from Pennsylvania, I severely doubt you EVER know where the hell you’re going.

I can understand that Linda has probably led a sheltered life. But you know, there is a thing called television and there are things called books that can provide endless information about the world around you – the world that doesn’t happen in the confines of your town. But the thing that scares me to death about you, Linda, is that you’re a teacher! If my kid were in your class, I’d have him pulled immediately. Even though you teach elementary school, I have this little rule about the teachers needing to be smarter than the students.

Going back to the bus ride, I’m sorry, but there is no way I would have been on that bus without snapping. I would have said something like, “Look, you whiny brat, every single person on that bus has gone through the exact same effort and lack of sleep that you have, and they’re not screaming and keeping everyone else awake. So kindly shut the hell up before I shove something so far down your throat that not even God could get it out.” I mean, the two young kids were sitting there peacefully! How embarrassing would that be? And were there other, non-racers on the bus?

If the Weavers handle all crises like they handled this – by shoving their emotions under the surface and putting on a happy face – I’m not surprised that family is so screwed up. Seriously, I really don’t like these people, but I’m serious in saying they need some help. Based on this episode and the previews for next week, it doesn’t look like they’re handling anything well at all.

Oh, and by the way, Mom Weaver? I don’t want you to change. I want you to shut up and go away, not necessarily in that order.