The Amazing Race 8 Insiders, Mat Chats and Phil’s Diary, Episode 5: Bears in the Woods

First and foremost, a big BOO-HISS to CBS for their website content and playability. Numerous faithful readers bolstered my self-confidence by letting me know it was NOT user error which caused the mishaps with the Insider clips, but truly that CBS’s system bites. Totally.

Second and almost as foremost, a big thwap to CBS for reinstating the damn ads in the front of EVERY clip. I seriously want to hurt someone for this. Not only does the same annoying commercial play before each clip, it cuts off mid-way through (can’t even get their ads right!) and it is approximately four hundred times as loud as the actual clips. Seriously, I about blew my ears out as it switched from clip to ad.

Oh, and the ad, in case anyone is wondering, is that annoying Charmin one with the two bears in the woods with toilet paper. Is there anyone out there that can watch it without thinking about the old joke where a bear asks a rabbit if excrement sticks to its fur and then, well, you know? I know I can’t help but think of it every time, and since I have an aversion to scatological humor (it makes me laugh, but grosses me out at the same time, much to the enjoyment of my boyfriend), I spent my recapping time torn between going “ew” and cursing CBS.

Crap jokes aside, let’s get to the Insider clips, what few there are before I start demanding hazard pay!

Wally World: Wally Bransen is apparently semi-lost while trying to find the birds. The girls are explaining where they are at. And, voila, the clip cuts off. Curse number one.

Lap Dance Dreams: One Linz brother in the cab to the airport is excited to be getting to Panama to see hot young girls. Megan informs him he is an idiot and that they are going to Panama the country, not Panama the debauchery zone in Florida. The brother is disappointed. He tells a story of when he went to Panama City, Florida and dropped a bunch of money at Coyote Ugly. Another brother helpfully adds that he hopes he “got some action” for spending that much. Apparently not. They ask the cab driver, a crotchety looking old man, if he’s ever seen anything like this. He has seen it all. A cab driver in New Orleans? You bet he’s seen it all.

Beautiful Country: The Bransens, post-leg, discuss the scenic nature of Panama. They did say they raced around so much, they missed a lot, but what they caught, they felt was beautiful. One sister mentions they have done mission work in Third World countries, but this wasn’t as bad as they thought it might be. And then, guess what? Yep, the clip cuts off. Curse number eight (I’m wracking them up on the ads too).

Let’s Get Physical: Well first of all, this clip looks familiar, like it’s a repeat. Apparently it is not, but it just looked like it to me. Then again, my ears are still ringing from the damned ad at the beginning of the clip. Megan Linz tells us Alex carries her bag when the going gets tough for her. One of the brothers flashes some muscles. I’d swoon, but I’m still inventing new swear words. Flash me next week, when I’m in a better mood! Someone mentions it is a hot environment (yeah, especially if you keep flashing me), and the clip cuts off. Curse number fifty.

Bats in the Belfry: The Weavers’ clip, amazingly, does not cut out, despite my internal pleas. Insert curse number sixty-nine. Maybe God is watching over it. Because, you know, He truly cares about a television show. No, really, He does. Honest. So anyway, the Weavers are talking about sleeping out in Panama at the Smithsonian. They say something about letting a mouse in the small room everyone was in and something about bats darting around. My ears are still not recovered, and I’ve got the sound cranked up to hear the clips, but it’s very difficult to understand any of them. Anyway, outside in Panama, sleeping is difficult, there are bats, and God might not care. That’s my upshot of it anyway.

Hypocrites?: The Paolos are discussing problems with the Weavers. Just as a sidebar, do you notice how many families have problems with them? D.J. says that in the beginning, when the Weavers were up towards the front of the pack, they didn’t want anything to do with anyone. Now that they are dropping lower, however, they suddenly seem more interested in friendships with people. D.J. Paolo doesn’t call them hypocrites, but I believe that is what he’s tiptoeing around. He then mentions he is not sure if there are other racers with alliances, but they do not have any, as it is every team for themselves in the long run. Brian quips it is not Survivor, no one is getting voted off. Heh. Of course, it cuts off here. Insert curse number ninety-nine.

For the record, I have nothing against keeping to yourself. You can do it without being rude. Actually, I have no problem with being rude either. Boston Rob amuses the hell out of me. He, however, makes no bones about who he is and what he is doing. What bothers me about the Weavers is that if someone is rude to them, they have a hissy fit. If they are rude to someone, they are just playing the game. All that, wrapped up with a holier-than-thou, self-righteous attitude, coupled with the sheer stupidity they have shown (what state is Washington, D.C. in again?) and tossed with a bit of whininess makes them poor players, in my opinion.

But, I digress. Back to the clips!

Master Plan: I wish I could say I followed this clip well, but I did not. I cranked the volume and still could barely hear the sisters, and when I could, they talked over each other. Suffice to say, Ms. Validation mostly keeps her mouth shut (yay) and the sisters joke about a master plan. One mentions that they should pretend to have a drunk designated driver and ask for a cab ride. Yes, they are joking, because it is a totally lame idea. They continue to joke about how they will make it through without any money next leg. Sadly, this clip does not cut out either. Curse number 101.