An "Insider" Look at Survivor: Exile Island, Episode 2: Helloooooo?

Zzzzzzz. Apparently CBS.com was just as bored with the episode as I was, because there are hardly any clips. Come on. You’ve got 15 people there and you can’t come up with ANYTHING? Either the producers are pathetic or the contestants are. After two weeks, I’m betting it’s the contestants.

Melinda’s Final Words: They had talked about how it wasn’t over ‘til the fat lady sings. Well, she’s the singer on the island, and she guesses she just sang. “Yeah. Mmm hmm.”

Cirie is her girl, they’ll definitely be friends. She found herself on the “hey, yo, dude, what’s up” tribe, which I pretty much saw coming at the switch. In fact, I wished the other tribe would have lost immunity so that Bruce could have joined THEM. That’s not her and it never will be. Now she’s going to go eat and drink.

She’s tougher than she thought she was. It’s awful out there. But she made it. Six days. But she made it. That’s a quote from her, and I like her a little bit more now. She’s got ten blisters on her feet. She managed to get along with her new tribe, most of them she wouldn’t choose to hang out with.

She’s proud of herself. She ate a raw fish! She licked leaves! Yeesh. She wishes she could have made it longer.

She thinks Casaya is going to go down like a ship full of lead. They want to think they’re a big happy family but they’re not. They’re already plotting against each other. She wasn’t ready to leave.

The older women did fine. The new tribe are the ones who “hacked the flint to death.” There is no way they can make fire tonight in the dark. And if they do make fire, they won’t keep it. She finishes with a “girl, testify!” nod of her head.

She thought being on the older tribe was a benefit. However, she wants to point out that Bob, on the younger men tribe, is the same age as she is. Look, I’ll say this again, you stupid twit. Being on the “older” tribe means that the four of you were older than the other four women. There’s no age requirement for which tribe you were placed on. Now shut up and put away your neuroses, I tire of them.

She wants to say good luck to Cirie. She can’t imagine going back to the tribe. If that one girl said “like” one more time, she was going to strangle her. It got comical after a while. “Hello? Stop saying that word!” I should point out that she’s said “hello” and “mmm hmm” about ten times in three minutes. She knows Cirie didn’t want to go back there without her.

Melinda, the Day After: Oh, GOD. Eight minutes? I may stab myself in the ears.

The older women were different people, but she thinks they shared the same values. Except Tina, apparently. Once the tribe merged, they were younger and in a different place in their lives. I swear, if she doesn’t stop with the “hey, yo, dude” crap, I’m going to drive to her house and smack her.

She never questioned her capabilities or Cirie’s. She wishes she would have been on the other tribe. She’s pretty good at meshing with people, but they were the type of people she didn’t want to mesh with. She’s not going to change who she is on national TV just to fit in. OK, could you ACT a different way to win a million dollars, moron?

The tribe seemed to know they were hard workers. They were impressed with the camp, even though they all knew they had help from Tina and Ruth-Marie. They were always telling them to sit down, because they were sitting down. Maybe they thought she was weaker than the others, just by looking at her. Maybe after seeing Cirie work, they may rethink who the weakest ones are.

Danielle fought to keep her, but Melinda couldn’t integrate herself into the other’s world. They’re big on energy and love – it’s different frequency. Had she done that, it would have looked fake, especially on national TV. She was fake enough when she acted like she cared about them and what they thought about her. Nice.

She knew she would be able to handle it, but when she got out there it was so much harder. 39 days doesn’t seem like as much when you’re a home on the couch. She could handle being wet, or hungry, or dirty, or cold, or tired, just not all at the same time. She couldn’t get used to being wet all the time. She surprised herself.

People are going to be surprised at her. Especially the challenge where she dove into mud, and then, hello, leaves, so she had mud and leaves all over her. Just kill me now. People know that it’s hard, but it’s impossible to convey how difficult it is.

Her perspective on life will not change. She’s tougher than she thought. Because people told her they were going to vote her off and she didn’t want her to. Blah blah blah.

She was just glad Tribal Council was over, it was an hour and a half long and she just wanted to go get some water and let the others bicker. She’d do it again. She won before the game even began because she got onto the show. People back home only see the entertainer side of her. Just because you’re girly doesn’t mean you’re not tough.

Oh, thank GOD it’s over. Where can I send the bill for the twelve minutes of my life I’ll never get back? Helloooooo?