The Apprentice 5 Weekly Performance Review, Episode 1

In this series of articles about The Apprentice, we will be focusing on the business actions of each player. Toward that end, I’ll be giving a capsulated “Performance Review” on each applicant each week. Warning, a few comments on game play just might sneak in there, too!

I’ll begin by explaining the categories I’ll be using this season. The three positive ratings of EXCELLENT, GOOD, and SATISFACTORY are pretty self-explanatory. So is the neutral NO RATING, for the invisible ones that probably haven’t messed up, but didn’t do anything praise-worthy to catch my eye.

I use three ratings to report negative activity as well. NEEDS IMPROVEMENT means that there are areas that need to be improved, but there’s realistic hope that the situation can be reversed. UNSATISFACTORY means big problems have surfaced and overall, the job seems out of reach. And UNACCEPTABLE means multiple and/or repeated failures… usually reserved for the one getting fired, or one who ought to have been.

That’s it – seven ratings, possibly modified on rare occasions by the adjectives VERY or ALMOST if I’m feeling particularly whimsical.

Synergy: Let me start off by saying that picking an obsolete (or, ought to be) buzzword from the last century as your team name was not an indication of great things to come.

I’m not sure why George liked the idea of trying to make sales to people before they even get into the store. I think it would be far easier to approach people at checkout, look in their buggies and explain how much money they’d save with the premium membership.

I’m not clear if this group has any more teamwork, focus or direction that the other, but with the exception of the surely doomed Brent, they pretty much stayed out of focus this week. In fact, I must assign NO RATING to Andrea, Roxanne, and Stacy.

Brent: My fellow Canadian Brent is in real trouble, he’s about as useful to his team as a Zamboni in a wheat field. His ideas are not being listened to and he doesn’t seem to realize that he doesn’t present them, or himself, very well. Too many of those ideas were not good and deserved to be ignored. For example, karaoke? Calling the team “Killer Instinct?” The team names are an important part of every season, so everyone should be showing up with at least one good idea in their pocket.

I hope we viewers are the only ones who know how upset Brent was at being marginalized by getting stuck in the blimp. That’s exactly why they did it, they didn’t want to spend the energy to supervise him. I’m really getting a “Markus” vibe from Brent.

The obvious rating is UNSATISFACTORY. He needs his team to avoid the boardroom for a couple of weeks while he repairs that nasty first impression, or he’s done for. He might as well volunteer to be PM next week, I think it’s his only chance.

Allie: Allie started out being designated as the project manager and did decently with the task. She got the team organized and focused quickly, and dealt with the distraction that is Brent. She complimented team members (Tammy) when they came up with good ideas, though she needs to watch those too-obvious eye rolls over Brent’s questionable ones.

From what little we’ve seen I think Allie picked the better team. She’s right when she realized that this could make or break the game for her. I say, GOOD for Allie.

If it were up to me, I’d pick all the entrepreneurs, because the first task is always selling by volume. If you win this one, you don’t have to be PM for at least another five or six weeks and can concentrate on building relationships.

Michael and Sean: Nice work in the sales department. Even better, your teammates noticed it. Both GOOD.

Pepi: Bad, bad Pepi – he’s the one responsible for that wretched team name! That’s about the only time I really noticed him, though, so: NO RATING.

Tammy: Being picked first for having the most impressive credentials, that’s “a good thing.” Oops, can I say that in a Trump article? Anyway, her idea of massages was a good one. I’ll give her a rating of GOOD as well.

Gold Rush:

Things started well for this team, in that they were the ones who came up with a name that wasn’t insipidly irritating. After that, not so good. It hasn’t taken long for this team to fall apart, has it? Infighting is not the basis of teamwork and you need teamwork to succeed on The Apprentice.

The following were undoubtedly working hard to ring up memberships at a fine rate, but I didn’t see enough of Bryce or Leslie to assign anything but NO RATING.

Charmaine: Charmaine’s main contribution this week seemed to be to sit by in silence while Summer stopped calling restaurants. Why didn’t she question this? Why not volunteer (or insist) on taking the task over? Letting your team fail when you can take alternative action wins a NEEDS IMPROVEMENT rating.