Survivor Exile Island, Episode 5 Missing Intelligence Award: Droppin’ a Deuce

CBS apparently recognizes my aversion to all things scatological, then blatantly ignores it by filling this season with more than my needed share of references. Thanks, guys. Really. Fortunately, they are also filling it with plenty of examples of missing intelligence - so many, I’m having trouble settling on one winner!

Let’s start with Team Living La Mina Caca.

Sally just annoys me. I don’t know why, but she just does. Sorry, Sally. She’s just so grateful. Like the little sister whose big brother lets her hang out with him. Hopefully, this is all an act and she’ll show some spine at the merge (should she make it), ditch the boys’ club, and not settle for fifth place. But I didn’t see anything this week that gives her my award.

Terry, I don’t really have anything to say to you. You’re a powerhouse right now. Plus, you’re probably better off and better fed on Exile Island. This week, you definitely did not want to be in camp. Blech.

Nick, you don’t look like you want to do stuff. I have you on my radar. Be wary. This week at the reward challenge, you looked put-out when it was suddenly your job to run to get fish. I’ve got my eye on you, Max Keeble.

Austin and Nick with their gastrointestinal difficulties grossed me out enough that I cannot even concentrate to see if someone there deserves an award!

Meanwhile, back at Camp Casa Ya Crazy…

Zen and the Art of Interpersonal Maintenance: Bruce, you’re killin’ me! I’m sure you are a nice guy, enlightened and all that. However, your “enlightenment” becomes a bit too high and mighty at times. Just think to yourself, WWBD? Yes, what would Buddha do?

Well, even Buddha would probably be tempted to lay the smack down on the InShanity Complex that is most of Casaya. You know Jesus would. He’d be all, “I had nails driven through my palms so one of these losers can get a million dollars? I so say NOT!” I could entertain myself for a few more paragraphs thinking of other religious leaders, mythical or otherwise, and what they’d do (Zeus might pull a Leda/Swan with Mother Earth Love Courtney before immolating her), but I might sketch a cartoon, and then I’d be in trouble. Thus, I’ll just keep this train of thought to myself for now. Heh, good one, Loki, good one. Oh, oops, sorry, communing again.

Aras (or ArAss, as I saw him deemed on some message boards), take a nice yoga-filled self-defenestration from a tall building, mmkay? You are SO not like “the oldest guy here” mentally. Matter of fact, it’s painfully obvious most of the time that you are young. Your self-righteous rantings are going to score you a big one on this page some time, I can tell.

InShane, swearing on your son’s life is meaningless. It’s a game. Get over it and learn to break your word when appropriate.

Anyway, I digress some. Casaya in general pulls together for challenges and falls apart in camp. Their selection of Terry again seemed an MIA moment to me, because they were giving a strong player more and more time to find his second chance, the immunity idol. However, my other half pointed out that it’s smart game play. Everyone knows now that only Bruce or Terry can have it. Limiting the field is a good thing.

So who does win this week’s award? Well, Bobby is a strong runner-up. From dropping a deuce (however justified) in the outhouse last week to drinking the wine because no one just pushed people aside to have a place to sleep to the “I’m not sorry, but sorry if it upsets you, except YOU, Courtney, you pathetic loser,” Bobby did all in his power to show his disdain of his tribemates. Granted, they deserve it, but not if you want to keep playing. So yes, this is almost a reason to win the MIA. However, Bobby’s intelligence really didn’t go missing. He was fully cognizant of what he did. All of the above are why Bobby lost, but they aren’t reasons for an MIA.

No, today the Missing Intelligence Award goes to the entire Casa Ya Crazy tribe for voting out their main strength in challenges. You won the fish challenge solely (heh, SOLEly) because of Bobby’s mad-ass chopping ability. You may not like him, but right now, you do not go after strength, you keep it. Kudos to the women for banding together to give ArAss a comeuppance, but wouldn’t a better comeuppance have been to get rid of his feel-the-fire, holier-than-thou uppity young butt? You should have snagged the outliers, Bruce and Bobby, and taken control.

Casaya, I hope voting out Bobby hurts you badly in the next few challenges. He was no Osten. He may have slept in camp, but he gave 120% in challenges and put you over the edge in winning. For that, your entire tribe gets the MIA.

Heathyr Fields Ford resides in central Washington with a terribly patient boyfriend. An aspiring writer, she loves fan mail and suggestions for each week’s MIA, so email her at heathyranne@hotmail.com.

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