The Apprentice 5, Episode 3: Shark Bait

Betsy is busy trying to figure out ways to keep Sean from leaving her for me, so I’ll be her substitute this week. I’m going to see how close I can come to how much Ivanka rocked last week.

Previously on The Apprentice: When did Trump shave his head? And when did this show move in front of a live audience? And why is there money and a bunch of people screaming and booing? Oh, wait. Deal or No Deal is just running late. I don’t understand that show and I don’t want to. I could probably care less, but it would take more effort than I’m willing to put forth.

Instead of scenes from previous episodes, they do that thing were they combine scenes from the boardroom with scenes of people in the suite. Andrea says that unless he’s the project manager, Brent will never be held responsible for his actions because he won’t ever be in charge of anything. Allie thinks that Brent will be coming back to the suite. Andrea gives an interview about how awful Brent is. Get used to it, as it’s the main theme of the episode. We see Stacy get fired, followed by Pepi.

Brent and Michael return to the suite, where Brent loudly wishes everyone a happy Rosh Hashanah (the Jewish New Year - more on that in a minute). In possibly my favorite moment of the evening, Andrea barely avoids throwing a hissy fit by running to the bathroom and closing the door. Because she’s awesome, Roxanne tries to comfort her, but because she sucks, Andrea tells her to go away. Allie isn’t happy that they’ve lost two really good team members and are, of course, stuck with Brent. Roxanne tries to talk to Andrea again but gets the same response. Andrea is crying, and you know what Martha Stewart would say if she were there. (Hold on a minute. I need to picture Martha Stewart yelling at Andrea. Ahh, that was nice.)

Lee calls a Gold Rush meeting to tell everyone that he and Dan will spend the next two days attending synagogue services to celebrate Rosh Hashanah. He hopes that the team respects this decision. Tarek thinks that they might be able to communicate via cell phones, but Lee says that they can’t do that. Everyone seems to be okay with this decision, though it means they’re two men down, but Lenny, of course, speaks his mind: this is “f^%@#*& stupid.” He thinks Dan and Lee are using the holiday as an excuse not to work.

Dan defends his beliefs, saying that he’s just stating what he will and won’t do. Lenny says that he’s Jewish, too, but he’ll be working. He tries to compare himself to Israeli soldiers, who fight on holidays even though they’re not supposed to, but I hardly think he’ll be doing anything similar to trying not to let other soldiers kill him. Dan just wants Lenny to know how he practices. Lenny says it’s fine, but if they lose, they’ll blame Dan and Lee. It’s bad enough that Lenny is completely disregarding and belittling someone else’s religious beliefs, but he should really be careful about what he says after the whole Jen C. debacle in the second season.

Andrea finally ventures out of the bathroom and she and Allie talk about how horrible their situation is. Andrea says that if she’s the project manager, the team will win. Allie plays right into her hands and suggests that Andrea take on the role. Andrea says that if they lose, it’ll just be her and Brent in the boardroom. Ooh, a capital plan. She thinks that Trump will see how great she is when she’s able to manage Brent.

In the morning, Lee and Dan walk to a synagogue for service. The music guys are uncreative and insert klezmer music. They talk about how the team could blame them if they lose. Lee says that he’ll be saying a special prayer for Gold Rush. At Trump World Tower, Trump does that thing where he carries on a fake conversation with an employee to kill time before the candidates arrive. Carolyn is back, but Bill is still around. This is because, like Dan and Lee, George is celebrating Rosh Hashanah. Trump knows why Lee and Dan are absent and says, “That’s life.” Yeah, how unlucky Gold Rush is that two of their members are Jewish. What the heck was that? “That’s life.” Yeah, it is. Some people are Jewish! What a wacky world! Trump continues that some things aren’t fair (how unfair that Dan and Lee don’t worship Jesus!) and some might say it’s unfair that Brent is still around. Thus begins Trump’s random, unnecessary singling out of Brent in this episode.

Trump announces that the next task will involve motivating a sales force. The teams will work with General Motors and organize a corporate retreat for dealership owners. They will introduce the 2007 Chevy Tahoe and try to motivate the dealers to sell. They will be evaluated through surveys. As the teams leave to get to work, Bryce says that he respects Dan and Lee’s decision, but they’re good workers, so it’ll be tough not to have them around for the task.

It’s time for the Trump Lesson of the Week: “Plan B.” Trump tells us that we should be flexible. Without a plan B, sometimes things won’t work out. If we’re not flexible, we won’t be successful. The Jenn Lesson of the Week is, sometimes people are dumb. If you can’t do anything about having to coexist with them, you just have to deal with it.

At the GM marketing offices, Gold Rush brainstorms. Theresa tells us that she’s the project manager. She wants to make the dealers feel special. She wants to put on a classy event with models and a comedian, which she’s putting Charmaine in charge of. She wants Tarek to work on the creative end of things. Tarek tries to get the team to come up with a theme for the event, but Theresa thinks they just need to put on a good one. She wants a horse and carriage. Didn’t she learn anything from Adam last season? Tarek is upset that she keeps interrupting and not letting him have any input. He wants fake putting greens and tries to bring up the theme again. Theresa doesn’t care and says she wants to give an experience of class. Lenny says that no one knows what’s going on. He thinks Theresa needs to have a brain bigger than her breasts. As if to prove his point, Theresa asks Leslie if she has any mascara.