Surviving the Exile Island Clip Show: A Closer Look

Regular Survivor recapper David Bloomberg isn’t ducking out of a clip show. No, he’s on his way back from an unwilling trip to Oz. He should be back soon. Meantime, my name is Mike DeGeorge, and I normally recap the crappy Insider videos. Now I draw a recap show. Come to think of it, they’re not much different.

Tonight, we are promised a closer look at the personalities of the Survivors. From the “what you’ll see later” clips, it looks like that’s translated into “more lunatics being idiotic.” More of what we’ve already had this season doesn’t thrill me, thanks. And we’ll see what we’ve already seen. So it IS just like Insider clips, except we might see some new footage tonight.

Is it just me, or would anyone else like to beat the crap out of John Mellencamp for allowing his song to be bastardized into a basketball ad? It’s his song, I know, but it was a tribute to the pioneers of rock music, now it’s reduced to a shill. And can we please stop turning anti-war songs into jeans commercials, please? It’s just wrong.

Sorry – I’m in a mood to rant tonight. You’ve been warned.

Fifteen days ago, sixteen Americans (maybe that’s what’s wrong with Survivor, it’s not International like The Apprentice!) set forth on a neato adventure, yadda yadda. They were divided into four tribes based on age and gender, and don’t get me started about that.

Danielle lost the first challenge for her team, and Misty was the first to stay behind on Exile Island. They cut the part out about Jeff giving Misty the “why” clue, which is odd. Tina leads the older women and earn their praise. Aras does some yoga while Bobby plays baseball. Meanwhile, the shelter is pathetic. And Dan was the weakest? Bah.

In new footage, Courtney shakes a coconut and claims to hear the milk. Hoo boy. She attempts to open it by lightly tapping it, apparently hoping that Judd the doorman is waiting around inside the coconut to open a secret hatch. Maybe she should rub it and see if a genie comes out.

Danielle causes millions of women to scream in rage by wishing a man were around to help. Sally does a decent job, actually penetrating the husk. She tells us that she worked construction one summer and loved demolition. She actually gets it open.

Meanwhile, the older men have all but set up a working ecosystem. Dan and Terry set up an alliance, and don’t get me started on THAT, either. Technically, all he said was that they’d never lie to each other. Shane starts ranting early.

At the older women’s camp, Tina finds an oyster that’s been on the rocks for “millions of years.” She eats the entire thing and doesn’t tell the others. Nice leader.

The same night at the older men’s camp, Bruce can’t sleep and decides to work out with karate katas. Shane asks Dan if Bruce is doing his Wang Chungs and “getting his Mr. Myagi on.” What’s with people on this show making fun of Asians? First it’s Roger with Daniel, now this. Is karate that weird? Shane thinks Bruce is working through his anxiety.

On Exile Island, Misty tries to find the idol. Again, no mention of the clue. In the challenge, the younger men fall behind on the physical aspect (ahem) but catch up on the puzzle, which stumps the older women.

We see Misty arriving at camp for the first time, where they grill her about their time. Courtney says they wanted to know if she found it. Misty says that she’s not supposed to tell, which is true, and Courtney doesn’t seem to understand. Misty seems to think that Courtney saw through it because Courtney is good at deceiving people. Courtney isn’t sure if she has it or not. Sally doesn’t buy it.

Tina annoys her tribe with her walks on the beach. While the tribe thinks she’s being standoffish, she’s actually mourning her dead son. Cirie is worried, rightly so, that she would be the target, so she lobbies against Tina, causing Tina to get voted off. It’s amazing how much I hated Cirie early on, as she’s now my favorite.

During a downpour at the men’s camp, Bruce irritates Shane by using part of their half a bottle of drinking water to rinse his hands. He claims he’ll get an allergic reaction otherwise. He’s using his share, but Shane is still upset. I know, I’m shocked too.

The younger women decide to write a song to keep themselves from going stir crazy during the storm. This footage probably should have stayed hidden. Courtney is happy with her tribe and is so happy to be with such cool women. Sally is amazed at how much fun their having, being hungry and cold. At La Mina, Shane misses his son and is getting loopier by the second.

Next we see the schoolyard pick ‘em that happened about three episodes too early, in my opinion. Bruce goes to Exile Island and is thus immune from the next vote and will join the losing team after the next Tribal Council. At the new Casaya, Courtney, Shane, Aras, and Danielle form the Alliance from Hell. On the non-psycho side of things, Terry offers an alliance to Nick and Austin.

The next day at Casaya, Cirie and Melinda lick water off leaves since they don’t have fire or water.