The Real World: Key West, Episode 5: Single Svetlana?

Last week: The roommates got their jobs in a tanning salon (insert eyeroll) but that happiness was short-lived as Tyler complained about Svetlana’s complaining.

John, Jose, Svetlana, and Paula are all playing pool and John asks Svetlana how Martin (her boyfriend back home) is. She rolls her eyes and says she doesn’t know because he keeps on doing stupid things with his friends. Jose interviews that Svetlana is needy and that’s why she is with Martin, but deep down he doesn’t think she is happy.

Jose asks if Martin is worried about the guys from the house and Svetlana doesn’t know. John jokingly (sort of) asks if Martin is worried because she wants him, and in a confessional says that he takes his cues from the girl. If all that they talk about in a relationship is bad, then that’s a good sign that she may be looking for something else. John asks if it’s the first time Svetlana has been in a long-term relationship and had to be away. She says that she’s gone on vacation with her parents for a week. Um, not the same thing at all.

The phone rings and Svetlana thinks it’s Martin, and it is. John tells us that she’s with him because she thinks she has no better option. Let me guess, John - that better option is you? He thinks that Fitz is confused about her boyfriend. The text on the screen tells us that “Fitz” is Svetlana. John says when she entered the house, she said, “I have a boyfriend,” but her actions have said differently. Paula doesn’t think she is looking to find somebody here.

At a bar, Paula asks Zach where “the girl” is and he points out a blond bartender in a green shirt. It probably was hard for Paula to spot her because the place is called Irish Kevin’s, so everyone has a green shirt and is probably blond and buxom. Zach and Green Shirt Girl, Crystal, leave Paula and Irish Kevin’s and head to a different bar. He asks what she does in her spare time and she meekly replies that she works most of the time. Zach says that he hasn’t found many girls he’s been attracted to, so with Crystal it’s nice to find someone to talk to and to be attracted to. I guess once John set his sights on Svetlana, Zach backed away. Crystal says that she doesn’t have a boyfriend because her last one broke up with her. Zach tells us he is intrigued by her and thinks she is someone he would like to talk to and call again.

At the house, Tyler asks Svetlana if she likes Barbra Streisand, and indeed she does. Well, there are two stereotypes that haven’t been shattered. He asks about “Funny Girl.” Svetlana says its nuts because she’s a prostitute. Tyler laughs and says that she was a psychologist. If I knew anything about Streisand it would probably be funny.

Randomly, John toasts to Martin, Svetlana’s ex-boyfriend. She says that the only reason he’s doing that is because John thinks that he has a chance with her if they break up. In the confessional Svetlana tells it as she she’s it: “John wants to f*** me.” John then starts talking about either Jose, who just walked into the room, or Tyler, that if he had a girlfriend John would be busting his balls, too, asking why he would come here with a girlfriend. I’m thinking he’s talking about Jose, but John’s clearly had a few, so it could reasonably be Tyler.

Svetlana tells Paula that she’s used to guys disrespecting her boyfriend because they want to sleep with her. Paula says her boyfriend would get pissed if anyone said anything disrespectful about him or her. She asks if she would appreciate it if a girl were talking to Martin about her the same way John talks about Martin to Svetlana. Svetlana says that she would kill her. She tells us that it’s really hard to love someone when the person you love has never made you feel like you can depend on him.

Svetlana cries that she doesn’t feel protected and that she relies on her dad for protection. What Svetlana says next is both extremely jumbled and slightly incoherent, but she says that if her father knew that someone had slapped her, he would be “decapitated into a million pieces.” Is that like when Ghandia wanted to hit Ted’s ass in the eye on Survivor? Svetlana interviews that she’s a strong person (?!), but in her personal life she can be very insecure and weak. She tells Paula that when thinking of all the bad stuff, she can’t even look at him anymore.

Zach is on the phone with Crystal, his “new friend,” and he invites her over to fish. There’s a way to woo a woman. Tackles and bait. Zach tells everyone that Crystal and some of her friends are coming over and Svetlana doesn’t like that. She doesn’t want strangers in her house. Oh, Lord. Zach thinks that Svetlana is jealous but he is excited to introduce Crystal to Svetlana.

Crystal arrives with two friends. They are introduced to Paula and Svetlana, and Svetlana likes them; she is just very protective of everyone in the house. Zach is relishing in the opportunity to listen and get to know Crystal. John comes in and asks if the girls brought their bikinis. They didn’t, so he says that they have to go skinny-dipping instead. Instead, Zach shows Crystal around the house and they leave. He wants a relationship that is fun and stress-free.