The Surreal Life 6, Episode 2: The Story of My Life

It’s morning at the Surreal Motel. A rooster crows, CC runs on the treadmill, and Maven reminds us of how young he is by declaring in awe how cool it is seeing people from his childhood (Sherman, Florence…)

The Surreal Life Times arrives with a picture of Steve on the cover and the headline, “The Story of Steve’s Life!” We find out that Smashmouth has a new single, “The Story of My Life,” and that it needs a video. Woo hoo! The cast gets to help Steve make it. The concept is that Steve is at a motel and keeps opening the wrong doors but can’t find his room. Sherman actually pumps the air so we know he’s not dead. Yay!

The paper adds that Tawny is the producer of the video and responsible for props and budget. Does the budget include a car for her to drape herself across? Guess we’ll see… The other stipulations are that the cast can do whatever it wants so long as the video is completed by 9 pm that night. Tawny happily accepts the producer role.

Steve plays the song and they all dance, including Sherman. Brainstormed ideas include Florence in leather (not a sight I’ve ever imagined) and Tawny on the car of course (Steve came up with that bright idea and since it’s his video…) Steve calls Florence and she has no intention of wearing leather. In fact, she tells Steve that leather is not everyday wear for her and that she’d like to wear something else. Whew! At least she still agrees to be in the video.

With a budget of $1,500.00, all of the cast sans Steve head over to the prop store. Steve heads off to meet the band and get things set up at the motel.

Tawny apparently wants to hold tight to the purse strings and doesn’t seem to like any idea the group comes up with. Handcuffs, whips, and chains seem like a theme I wouldn’t want to pay for willingly, either. What kind of video is this? In fact, Tawny is so cheap that she would rather wait to see if Florence will bring whips and chains with her than buy them. I can’t make this stuff up, people. I just watch it.

Florence arrives and Tawny informs her that she is supposed to be a dominatrix. She immediately vetoes the idea as “inappropriate.” The two of them go through the store to look for something else; while the others pull things that they think will be needed for the video. When all is said and done, they’ve spent $932.00, leaving $568.00 in the budget. We don’t get to see what they have to show for it. Everyone heads off to the set.

Tawny doesn’t get the reaction she expects from Steve when she proudly tells him that they are under budget. He seems to think that if you have a certain amount budgeted, you should spend it. Sounds like he’s put some time in working for the government.

Again, we do not see the props so we have to take Steve’s word for it when he says that he doesn’t feel there are enough. He has a mini breakdown, concerned they will not finish the video on time and that it won’t look right.

Michael Franks, the Director of Photography, reminds us that the concept of the video is that Steve is at a motel and can’t find his room. He keeps opening doors, but they aren’t to his room. Andrea thinks this will be the best video ever, while CC says he’s never been in any video that didn’t last at least 24 hours. They have six.

Okay, video production finally begins. Florence does her scene and the best way to describe what she’s wearing is Barbara Mandrell. It looks like tight jeans and a glittery top. Steve likes the footage, however, calling it classic.

CC’s scene is next and he’s opted for the really classic, singing with the band dressed like Robert Palmer, a la “Addicted to Love.” Then, Tawny inexplicably shows up as a naughty nun complete with pink fishnets and high heels. Flo is outraged as she was raised by nuns. Alexis and Andrea are annoyed that Tawny is producing and acting and they aren’t doing anything. Flo departs and Tawny produces and acts at the same time.

Now, it’s time for Tawny’s segment in the car. This time, she sits in the back seat hamming it up rather than opting to sprawl across the hood. The boys look suitably hot and bothered.

Video production over, the exhausted cast heads back to the Surreal Motel for margaritas by the pool. These margaritas are special, though. Each one has a dare attached to it, written on a tag. One says whipped cream bikini and Andrea doesn’t even bother with the whipped cream. She just slips off her dress and jumps in. CC’s margarita says kiss your favorite castmate, so he kisses Andrea when she jumps out of the pool. Alexis has to give someone a lap dance, so she lap dances Maven. He quips “I’ve gotten a lot worse lap dances.” Maven’s tag says whipped cream bikini, so he strips and sprays whipped cream on his crotch. Alexis licks it off but we’re spared the vision. Guess VH-1 has some standards...

After a preview of the video, the episode ends.

TS LeMelle is a displaced East Coast writer living in the South. Email her at tslemellereality@yahoo.com to discuss all things reality.

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