The Amazing Race 9: The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly, Episode 5: Horse Play, Horse Sense and a Horse's Ass

I’m very much enjoying parts of this season. I love most of the teams left, and the scenery is tremendous as always. But am I the only one who has to fight off sleep during some of the challenges? LAUNDRY is the best you can do for an Italian villa? Seriously?

The Good:

Double D, Double Done: Another week, another team I don’t care about is gone. I gave up on thinking they were going to break that dumb blonde stereotype a long time ago. They can’t read a map, they can’t drive a stick, they drive with the trunk open (see the Insider clips!)… ugh. Finally, the bitching and moaning about the yield broke me. And I was so ready to be behind them as beautiful women with brains. I’m all for going outside of your comfort zone, but don’t go on Survivor if you’re afraid of the outdoors, you know?

Lost in the Ruins: I was seriously enjoying watching Lake and Michelle make every mistake in the book on this leg. They missed the first flight, made the wrong connection, picked the wrong detour, run around the ruins like idiots. Too bad they found where they were going.

Picture it, Sicily…: Yes, I just made a Golden Girls joke, shaddap. Unlike Sandy, my family is from northern Italy. Didn’t stop me from taking a little bit of pride in the surroundings this week.

Airplane!: I can’t tell you how thrilled I was to see a long flight with multiple departure times and connection options. Everyone knows by now how I feel about equalizers, so I love seeing persistence, skill (reading German), and a little bit of luck take over.

Wheelchair Vindication: I liked seeing the guys playing around on the wheelchairs. I LOVED the fact that BJ & Tyler got on ahead of Lake & Michelle despite taking the time to have some fun.

Who?: My favorite moment of the season so far: when Mojo ripped open their clue and my fiancé (who watches about half of every episode) said, “Who is that?”

You Go, Girl: And how about Fran (of “…kenberry”) putting Lake in his place at the ticket counter? I thought she went a bit overboard, but she freaked, I can dig it. What’s even funnier is that Lake didn’t even realize WHY she was doing it, he was so worried about her being a doctor’s wife or some such Lakethink. But then not telling them where the roadblock was – man, that was good. Not just from a vindictive standpoint, but they could have helped themselves immensely by getting rid of a strong team.

Four teams have been eliminated. Not every strong teams, sure, but they were all in better physical shape than Frankenberry, which makes me proud. They need to stop complaining so much, though.

Holy Hottie: My fondness for Italian women has been well-documented elsewhere. But MAN, that woman at the pit stop was smokin’.

The Bad:

A Frinkin’ Meltdown: It was really rough to see one of my favorite teams melt down on this leg. They just couldn’t seem to get it together, and were frustrated by a very physical leg. But their worst moment came at the end, with the mental puzzle. I wanted to yell through the screen, “they’re extra pieces! It’s OK!” I know I tried, but Lori couldn’t hear me. The worst part is that Dave got upset that they bickered. I’d be willing to bet it’s the first time they’ve ever been ugly with each other, too. It’s not fun.

Yield for Bad Game Play: Why would you yield another team if you KNEW you were going to finish ahead of them and further knew that the pit stop was one roadblock away? In addition, you knew that there was at least one team just ahead of you (who you could pass, with luck, as they were struggling) and another behind you? Remember, they had the numbered stickers, so we know they knew, and in addition they tried to console the Ds by telling them there was a team behind them (see the Finish Line) Plus, Ray & Yolanda would have been a much smarter yield, as they were the stronger team.

Yes, there are only two yields, but using the first one when you don’t have to is foolish. The next yield could cost you. Someone as paranoid as Lake should be able to figure this stuff out.

Geogra… what?: “Puh-LER-mo.” It’s not difficult. It’s not PAL-ermo, or Palermio, or anything else. Good grief, I can understand teams pronouncing foreign names fourteen letters long with no vowels. “Palermo” isn’t exactly difficult. You don’t even have to know Geography! Sound it out! Geez!

The Ugly:

The Lake Isn’t Too Deep: In the words of RNO editor David Bloomberg, I want Lake off my TV. He’s an insult to southerners, and geez, if that doesn’t say something I don’t know what does. Not just that, but as the lovely and talented Jenn Brasler complains that Michelle is a disgrace to women everywhere, Lake does the same to women. There are times – more times than I probably want to admit – that I feel ashamed to be male. Every time Lake is on my screen, I feel that shame.

Real men value their partners. Real men listen to their partners. Real men treat their partners considerably better than they would a dog.

Which brings me to Lake. I just don’t understand why any man would WANT a submissive wife who never makes any decisions or has an opinion. Is Lake’s self-esteem so bad that he needs someone that far below him? That he needs someone to constantly remind him that he’s right, or that he’s the boss? Or is he so egotistical that he thinks his wife doesn’t have anything to add that he doesn’t already know? Or does he just need someone to push around to prove his manliness to himself, likely considering his attitude toward pretty much everyone else on the race? Geez, at least Jonathan was nice to the local kids! In any case, or more likely, in all these cases, Lake is a sad, pathetic “man.”

And don’t get me started on his constant judging of everyone. Until he has a weekly column, and develops a sense of humor, he can shut up and go away.

Mike DeGeorge is an Accountant from St. Louis and is also Associate Editor for RealityNewsOnline. You can reach Mike at rno.mike@gmail.com.

Be sure to sign up for our e-mail update so you can stay informed about new articles on the site! And take a look at the rest of the site. You can find all of our recaps and other info on this show at the Amazing Race 9 page, and take a look at our Apprentice page and our Survivor: Exile Island page. You can even buy reality show stuff at our Reality TV Store!

For more news about The Amazing Race, be sure to check out SirLinksALot: The Amazing Race!