Survivor Exile Island, Episode 8 Missing Intelligence Award: Why Is Shane Still Here?

So, who screwed up the most this week? Who gets my coveted MIA this time? Let’s break it down, shall we, because quite frankly, I’m sort of at a loss this episode. I feel like just screaming “TERRY!” and running away, but that would be entirely too short and not nearly as much fun, eh?

By the way, we just finished watching Survivor: Pearl Islands, and I have this to say: I would sleep with Shane for A MONTH before I would even speak willingly to Lil, much less watch her crybaby ass on television again. She is the single most annoying person to ever play Survivor, and I am including Jerri in that. Freakin’ hypocrite.

But, I digress!

One of the problems I am having is the winner of the MIA, in my book, depends on a few factors that I’m not privy to. If Casaya’s alliance is truly a final four with Aras, Shane, Cirie, and Courtney, then Bruce and Danielle get this award for not jumping ship and taking Terry’s plot. However, we don’t know if this is truly the final four alliance. How did Cirie replace Danielle? Or, is there no final four alliance, but merely a loose set of cannonballs waiting to explode once La Mina has been pagonged? If that’s the case, no one from Casaya deserves the Missing Intelligence Award, because that’s the perfect sort of final six situation for bottom feeders. Well, actually, it means there ARE no bottom feeders, just individuals that can be convinced to join and oust others.

More random thoughts:

Bruce: You continue to annoy. Your whole ramrod posture while speaking of your breakfast being for “a king” was bizarre beyond belief. Dude, it was chocolate croissants and booze. Not caviar in the belly button of a super model chased with sixteen vestal virgins. Get over yourself.

Sally & Austin: For sticking with Terry instead of trying to work deals with Casaya, I contemplated you for this award. Oh, and for thinking Terry was awesome for having the idol instead of thinking he was a friggin’ moron for not telling you earlier to use it when it mattered. And, Sally, the whole “rub the Buddha” segment was disturbing, and stupid. You won a prize, don’t rub it in. Just for the record, scrawny people who pooch out their stomach and bemoan their “fatness” irritate the hell out of anyone normal-sized and above. I can only imagine what it does when said people are STARVING. Duh.

Oh, on a positive Sally note, my GOD, that woman rocks the challenges. She is always right there, and she is strong. That impresses me, even if the other stuff doesn’t.

Danielle: If you are the bottom of a solid Casaya alliance, then you deserve this for not going with Terry’s plan. If, however, the Casaya alliance is as yo-yoish as it looks, then you made the right move. You’re still annoying.

Cirie: If you aren’t in a solid final four like Terry believes, then you should be making moves now before it’s too late. You were the next Casaya to go, remember? While that may have changed, your counterparts are too freakin’ psychotic to really know for sure. Gather the women and overthrow the men entirely.

Shane: You’re insane, but you’re doing a good job of hanging in so far.

Aras: You just come off like a jerk, but again, you’re doing a good job of hanging in.

Terry: You screwed up badly with your strategizing, and if you win, it will be entirely due to luck. I actually don’t want you to win at this point, because although you are a nice person, I don’t think you’ve played the game well really.

And this brings me to Courtney. I may have misheard, but it sounded like Courtney didn’t want to vote for Sally at one point, but then later didn’t want to vote for Austin. Who’d she want? The Sta-Puft Marshmallow Man? From the recap, it looks like I misheard that the two times I watched the show, but I really wouldn’t put such idiocies past her.

Courtney, you win the Missing Intelligence Award this week, because you refuse to listen to reason, you jump to erroneous conclusions, and you consistently have refused to indicate whether or not there is consciousness in that skull of yours, which in and of itself is an indicator that something’s missing, ya know?

For deeming Arass “aggressive” and “psycho” during a moment when he actually was being normal.

For categorically stating that Terry did not have the Immunity Idol.

For believing even if he did he wouldn’t give it to someone.

In conclusion, for not displaying more than brief flashes of competent thought, Courtney, this award’s for you!

Join me next week to see who else deserves it this season, and I beg of you, SEND ME NOMINATIONS! How else am I to make up my vacillating mind, eh?

So long, and thanks for all the fish! (Hmm, that could have been Rupert’s tagline). Down with Lil! (that’s mine).

Heathyr Fields Ford resides in central Washington with a terribly patient boyfriend. An aspiring writer, she loves fan mail and suggestions for each week’s MIA, so email her at heathyranne@hotmail.com.

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