Survivor: Exile Island - Who Left Their Brains on Exile Island?

First of all, let me explain why there was no article last week. To be honest, I really had nothing to say, other than, “This season is going down the tubes along with the former La Mina tribe.”

A season or so ago, I informed the editor I might cut back my writing, or stop altogether, citing burnout and the feeling that maybe my time to write about the show had simply run its course and it was time to move on. It got to the point where sometimes, I was writing just for the sake of writing, and it sometimes showed in the quality of my work. To paraphrase B.B. King, “The thrill was gone.”

The editor was very understanding, and told me, “If you’ve got something to say, contact us.” Well, last week, I realized I had nothing to say, and there was no sense in trying to force it.

That ain’t the case this week, however. The various goings-on of Survivor: Panamanian Pandemonium left me with a few questions, and possibly some answers.

First of all, let’s answer the title question: Who left their brains on Exile Island? That, my friends, would be Courtney; ironically, she’s one of the few people left in the game that hasn’t actually been there. All season long, she’s given us reason to poke fun at her, and episode nine was no exception.

Not five minutes into the episode, as Terry was telling a fighter pilot story, Courtney asked Danielle and Cirie rhetorically, “How’s any normal American person supposed to be a Navy fighter pilot dude?”

My first reaction would be that a normal person could not do this job, because it most likely takes guts, courage, and intestinal fortitude the normal American person just doesn’t have. So no, Terry’s probably not normal, and in his case, that’s something to be proud of.

My second reaction is: How laughable is it that Courtney is accusing Terry, or for that matter anyone else, of not being normal? Don’t get me wrong: There’s nothing wrong with being not being normal, even to the point of eccentricity. After all, Angie from Palau was rather eccentric, but at least she was lovable. Courtney, by contrast, is rather annoying.

While we’re on the subject, how’s any normal American person supposed to dance with fire on the end of a stick? At least when Terry was being “not normal,” he was serving our country, like his father and step-father before him. What was Courtney serving by fire-dancing, other than her own need for self-expression?

But in case there was any doubt Courtney left her brains buried somewhere on Exile Island, she um, buried those doubts with the completely idiotic observation that she wanted to keep Terry around so she could go against him in the final two. Is this girl for real? Of all the people left in the game, he may be the person she has the least chance against. The moment she uttered this garbage, I wondered if she wasn’t actively campaigning to again win my colleague Heathyr’s “MIA Award.”

Let’s examine her claim. There’s absolutely no doubt in my mind if she went against Terry, he’d have the votes of Austin and Sally, his former La Mina tribemates. That would automatically put her in a 2-0 hole. She’d might, and I repeat MIGHT have the votes of Cirie and Danielle, and that’s not a given.

But even in a best-case scenario, that leaves the score at 2-2, and leaves Bruce, Aras and Shane. Bruce stated some time back his displeasure with Courtney for doing yoga in his zen garden, and Aras probably hasn’t forgotten that she called his strategizing last week “stupid.” Also, remember that Shane and Aras, while telling Terry he didn’t figure in the final six plans, expressed respect for his prowess.

Indeed, Aras said if Terry wins immunity every time from here on out, “Hats off to you,” and Shane proclaimed, “I would drive you to the bank brother.” So at best, Courtney would get clobbered by Terry 5-2, and as David Bloomberg hinted at in the recap, it might be a 7-0 whitewashing. And this wasn’t just buttering Terry up for strategic purposes, because Aras said later when Terry wasn’t around, “It’s pretty cool that we’re going against that guy.”

So, if Courtney would really rather go against Terry than Aras, she must not have a clue how she’s coming across to the others, and it’s not even certain she’d beat Aras. She said everyone in her family has their own “love signs,” but I’m tempted to make up one for “SHUT UP!”

In discussing her options, she stated she was “kind confused in my mind.” Sister, if you think you’ve got a snowball’s chance in Panama of beating Terry, or even coming close, you’re not only confused, you’re just downright deluded.