American Idol 5, April 26: I Don’t Wanna Miss a Thing!

What is going on with the judges this season? One week they are singing the highest of praises, and the next, their criticism is so harsh that it hurts to hear it. This week, they so totally missed the mark on some of these performances that I am beginning to wonder what the heck they are listening to. It is quite puzzling. No, this week was not as good as last, but listening to the judges, you’d think that Katharine, Taylor, and Paris were absolutely horrendous. They were not.

I had to agree that Elliott was fabulous, but I certainly did not think that Katharine was all that bad. I just didn’t. I wasn’t thrilled with Taylor, but then again, I have been told that he had to switch songs at the last minute (again) and was not happy about this at all. Taylor really has a hard time mustering up false enthusiasm, and last night, his displeasure positively radiated! Chris was good, I’ll give him that, but I did not think that he was that much better than Elliott or even Katharine. Paris picked the wrong song but sang it very nicely.

The only performance that was truly worthy of the judges’ wrath was Kellie’s utter annihilation of “Unchained Melody.” I hate this song to begin with and definitely wasn’t listening objectively. I don’t know why anyone would chose to sing this when there are so many great love songs out there. I was ready for Simon’s old standby about feeling as though he were at a “horrid child’s birthday party, being forced to listen to the little darling sing.” Kellie’s bloodcurdling “money” note was downright scary, and her performance had all the passion of a pomegranate.

I don’t care who is in the bottom three as long as one of them is Kellie. In the words of Flavor Flav, “Kellie, your time is up!” Unfortunately, I am afraid that, once again, Miss Stanly County 2004 will be spared and we will lose someone who doesn’t deserve to go home yet. And that would be... anyone other than Kellie. I’m not even going to predict who that might be as I will be livid no matter what. It’s time for this nonsense to end. Take a deep breath, Donna!

I switched the channel over to Fox a couple of minutes before the show started and was treated to the Idol promo! “Nerves tingle. Stomachs churn. Sweat pours.” “It’s really nail biting,” says Randy. And indeed it is. Ryan welcomes us to the show and informs us that over 47.5 million votes were cast this week. That’s the highest non-finale vote total in Idol history, he tells us. The remaining six contestants are down to one couch now, which is somewhat significant, I suppose.

Ryan introduces the “emotionally-unstable panel,” and Paula and Simon are pointing at each other. “You’re the only sane one,” Ryan says to Randy! Simon has something he wants to say about the performance show. Seems that when he watched the performances over again, he realized that his comments were way too harsh for one of them. He actually apologizes to Katharine (thank you), and Randy wants to do the same. Simon asks Ryan if he and Paula are speaking again (People magazine reported that the two have been feuding and are not talking to one another). Ryan says they are, but he isn’t terribly convincing.

We watch a review of the performances that highlights all of Paula’s strange antics. She cried, she shrieked, and then she jumped up and down like a jack-in-the-box. It was downright bizarre. After the performance clip, Ryan has joined the judges, and they are all together making nice. Paula doesn’t look terribly comfortable, but at least for tonight, it seems that they have made up. We go to break, which includes this week’s Ford commercial, a cute little segment in which they sing “Call Me” and chase a little black and white dog around. The dog leads them into a garage, and they all oooh and ahhh over some puppies.

When we return from the break, Andrea Bocelli and David Foster are on the stage with Ryan and a baby grand piano. Ryan asks Andrea how he felt about working with the Idols. He says nice things about them, and that they were so good, it will be a problem for him to sing on the same stage. Uhhhh, I don’t think so! David defends his tough attitude and reiterates that he treated them the same as he would if they were in the studio. Andrea tells Ryan that he will be back in L.A. in June as part of his tour.

Andrea sings “Because We Believe” from his platinum album Amore. He is extraordinary, and his singing effortless. There is no strain in his voice and his vibrato is breathtaking. His performance is utterly delightful, and I just might go out and buy his album. Now that’s what I call marketing! We go to break.

We return from the break to find Lisa Tucker and her parents in the audience. Ryan says hey and tells us that Lisa will be appearing on The O.C. this week (Thursday at 9:00 p.m. EDT). She tells Ryan that Wednesdays were not her favorite night, and then it’s time to get down to business.

Ryan tells us that the six will be split into three groups of two. He reads a summary of the judges’ comments for each of the contestants and then sends them to their respective spots. Katharine is first and goes to the far left. Elliott goes to the middle and Kellie to the right. Paris, who is still smiling, joins Kellie, and Taylor (who is wearing the same shirt he wore last week) goes with Elliott. This leaves Chris, who joins Katharine.

Ryan says that one group is the top two, one is the bottom, and the other is somewhere in the middle. He tells Taylor and Elliott to take a seat. “YES,” I shout! As we go to break, Ryan asks us to consider the two groups and the situation. It’s gotta be Paris and Kellie, I figure.

We return from the break. Katharine and Chris are on one side of Ryan, and Kellie and Paris are on the other. This time Ryan tells us that one group is the bottom two and the other received the highest number of votes. Ohhhhh, that means that Taylor and Elliott are the middle two, not the top as they (and I) had assumed. Ryan reveals that Katharine and Chris are the high vote-getters and they return to the couch.

Kellie and Paris stand together. Kellie looks bothered, but Paris is still smiling like a trooper. Ryan asks Paula what she thinks (see, they are talking), and she says that there are six great people left and someone has to go home. Ryan asks Paris how many times she’s been in this situation. She quickly responds, “This is my first time in the bottom two!” Ryan thanks Kellie and Paris for “bearing with us,” and then tells Kellie that she’ll be going home. Quick and to the point, like ripping off a band-aid. Ouch.

Kellie watches her farewell video and holds it together nicely. I note that the version of “You Had a Bad Day” is a bit different. But that’s not all that’s different. Paris isn’t even crying this week, which I find a bit odd, or maybe not. Kellie thanks everyone she can think of and we are spared an encore of “Unchained Melody.” Oh, well… Finally, voters got it right. I consider softening up my opening comments, but then figure I’ll just let it fly. I kind of like the pomegranate line!

Of course, this totally changes the dynamic of the show. There are no weaklings left, which is a first for the top five. It’s anyone’s game to lose at this point, and with Taylor not being in the top two, he’d better not have any more misses. Maybe the Soul Patrol got a tad complacent? Mr. Yamin is coming on like gangbusters, and let me tell you, this is going to be a fight to the finish. Yup, we’ll be watching this one closely!

Donna Reynolds is a freelance writer based in Syracuse, New York. While entertainment sustains her emotionally, she earns her daily bread by writing and editing web copy. Check out her new website at www.idolthoughts.net. Donna loves mail, so shoot her an email at foxydonna@earthlink.net.

Be sure to sign up for our e-mail update so you can stay informed about new articles on the site! And take a look at the rest of the site. Find more articles about Apprentice: Martha Stewart on our Apprentice: Martha Stewart page. You can find more articles on our The Apprentice page and take a look at our sections on The Amazing Race 8 and My Big Fat Obnoxious Boss. You can even buy reality show stuff at our Reality TV Store!

For more news about American Idol, be sure to check out SirLinksALot: American Idol!