The Amazing Race 9: The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly, Episode 9: Uptight

I said last week that we’d get a short bit about the Hippies’ begging for money and then never hear about the non-elimination penalty again. I was mostly right – except for Mojo whining about hippie threats, the penalty was a complete non-factor.

The Good:

I’m from New Jersey: How do these guys do it? They pick up a hitchhiker just because it seemed like the cool thing to do, and he ends up paying for gas and snacks for them! I’m guessing he saw kindred spirits in the hippies just as they saw in him.

The point is, this seems to happen to the hippies EVERYWHERE. Check out the Insider clips for what I predicted would be an entertaining segment of the Hippies begging for money. I can’t imagine why they didn’t leave this in the show. Most teams beg and get $50, the Hippies scored over $300! In just a few minutes! I don’t know, maybe there were a lot of those “crazy rich” people on the plane, but that’s impressive.

I don’t for a minute believe that the Hippies threatened to yield Mojo (more on them later), or if they did, that it was anything more than joking. I don’t see them running the race that way, especially since they probably figured, just as I did, that they would get quite a bit of money begging. If I figured that out, I’m sure they would. I’m guessing that they said it more factually, that they were thinking of yielding them. Either that, or it was, “If you don’t give us money, we’ll yield you! Ha ha ha!”

I even thought the Frats’ reaction was good – the IOU. I didn’t really expect them to give any money, using competitiveness as an excuse. But you knew these jokers wouldn’t be able to just let it go, didn’t you?

Frankenberry: Yes, it has been confirmed. Yolanda called them Frankenberry twice – once while on the bikes, and once while finishing the branches. I’m not saying she got the idea from me, but long-time readers know that my articles are so vitally important, they have the power to go back in time and influence events on the race. I’m just sayin’.

Pleasure Dome: No, I’m not going to make fun of the sexual proclivities of seniors. Good for them and all that, but… ew.

No, the cool thing is that the room names seemed to reference one of my favorite poems (yes, I’ve got favorite poems, shut up), Samuel Coleridge’s Kubla Khan. Read through the poem and think of The Amazing Race, and you’ll get an entirely new perspective, although I hate to think that Phil would have to be the damsel with the dulcimer. If you like the poem, read Douglas Adams’ Dirk Gently’s Holistic Detective Agency, in which the poem itself plays a role in the plot in a very Doctor Who-ish way.

End wankish literary portion.

The Bad:

Bye, Bye, ‘Berry: Yeah, they’re gone, and I was sad. But as Jenn said, I knew it was coming so I was prepared for it. Way to go, guys. Congratulations on a great run.

Rottnest Island: Seriously, who would plan a vacation to “Rottnest Island”? Do you also hit the other hot spots, Armpit City and Grungy Cove?

Hostel: I was a bit queasy about the teams staying in a hostel. I was just worried I’d see Quentin Tarantino in the background somewhere. Hey, he did a great episode of CSI, why not?

The Ugly:

The Mojo: Monica is simply without a clue, isn’t she? She does remind me of the Monica from Friends, who is alternately too clueless to realize how stupid she looks, or is very well aware of it and can’t help herself.

First off, yet again, it’s not rotten luck when you don’t have the common sense required to read the clue and be able to count to two. Two! Two crawfish! Ah-ah-ah!! I was mildly surprised and very disappointed that they actually figured out that Monica would have to retrieve the second one. I was looking forward to their slipup and the inevitable time penalty.

Secondly, we learned from the Insider (again, great editing on the episode there, guys. Not like this was stuff that they referred back to the entire episode!) that Mojo learned second hand through the Frats that the Hippies were thinking of yielding them. I simply cannot believe there was any further extortion threat than this.

Other teams would take this as a challenge or even a compliment. Or just say, “Fine, but they have to be in front of us before they can yield us!” No, they “pretended” to leave money and then sulked the whole race to the point of Monica almost coming to tears at the airport when the Hippies walked onto the plane. Then there were the comments, like the classy “smelly boys” line. Maybe she just doesn’t have a sense of humor, or judging by what we saw on the race, not a good one. Spare me from Queen frigging Monica’s pouts.

The point is this – Mojo seem to have no idea how to compete, with Monica whining at every turn and Joseph having no patience and shouting at her. It’s almost like they’re the rich kids whose idea of adventure is the rock climbing wall at the gym. Just look at Monica in the photo at the top, and ask yourself if she doesn’t look like something out of a Beverly Hills PTA meeting.

Mike DeGeorge is an Accountant from St. Louis and is also Associate Editor for RealityNewsOnline. You can reach Mike at rno.mike@gmail.com.

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