Survivor Exile Island, Episode 12 Missing Intelligence Award: I Heart Shii Ann

I know, Shii Ann isn’t here, but we’re watching our pre-recorded-off-OLN tapes of Survivor: All-Stars and I love me some Shii-Devil! We were watching the final Tribal Council jury just before last week’s episode of Exile Island, so Shii Ann and her refreshingly logical personality are foremost in my mind. That was one nasty jury. I’d forgotten how bad it was. Had I written this column back then, I think Lex would have kept winning MIAs up to and including a special one to be awarded for his behavior in the reunion show. How that guy cannot realize that he did the exact same thing (only worse) to Jerri, Ethan, and Colby that Boston Rob did to him still astounds me. Seriously. I want to rant on it right now and we’re, like, five seasons past it or something!

Shii Ann, though, had it right. Rob & Amber needed to be proud they were up there and had pulled through. Why, oh why can’t Shii Ann have done better? I loved her in Thailand, and I loved her in All-Stars. So there. I heart Shii Ann. I want to hang out with her. Buy her a drink. Badmouth idiots together. That sort of thing. She’s one of the few women I see and think, “Hmm, I could be friends with her.” I get that same thought when I see Rupert’s wife, actually. There’s something very lovely about her, too. I look at her and think, “I could see her at a Ren Faire,” and that’s a good quality to have, in my book.

So, Shii Ann and Rupert’s wife, if you’re ever unlucky enough to be near central Washington, holler at me. Drinks are on me. Yeah, so um, back to what we’re actually here for, which is the Missing Intelligence Award for Survivor: Exile Island, not retro ones for All-Stars. Heh.

I’ve sort of decided to just let everyone have a piece of the action this week, and below is why:

Aras: Your piece goes not for game play, per se, but for in general showing more of your young putz colours. There is a hidden snake in you. You are the sort who will plant ideas in people’s heads, but in that sly, subtle way that they think THEY came up with the idea, and then you’re sitting there as “the good friend Aras” to pick up the pieces. I envision this working great with girls in relationships that you want out of relationships so you can sleaze on them. I saw you work it with Cirie and Danielle at the one reward challenge, yammering about how badly you see Terry treating them. You slyly inserted that “Terry as misogynist” line that some people probably borderline thought anyway (because alpha males are so threatening and bad these days, for some stupid reason). Then you let the girls go on about it like it was their own idea. And voila, sweet lil’ Aras would never do that to them. No problem with it in the game. But I get the feeling you do this, perhaps subconsciously, all the time in life, too. It’s a nasty way to be.

The other young putz colours shown revolve around an inability to understand that at 46, people just might have a better life perspective than at 24 (as always, there are exceptions, but trust me, they are rare). Doesn’t make you an idiot. It makes you inexperienced. Terry nailed it with the “spouses then children” sort of hierarchy in his picking. Mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, yes, they are all people we love. They can at times be “our rock,” but it is NOTHING like a spouse or a child. Nothing. So kudos to Terry for playing on that, and Aras, your young, dumb head is missing intelligence and most importantly the ability to recognize the wisdom inherent in others that are older than you.

You redeemed yourself slightly by saying what I’ve been saying all along: You can’t win this game out of pure physical domination. It is first and foremost a social game. So while I want Terry to keep pissing y’all off and winning every immunity challenge, I don’t think he can win at all because he hasn’t played the more key part well. He’s tried, and that counts some, but Casaya, for all their wicked inanity and inShanity, are bizarrely loyal to themselves.

Terry: You get an MIA for even bothering to explain why you allocated how you did. I believe you truly thought people would understand and not think you were being a jerk saying it like you did. It shows your lack of social skills when placed with non-like-minded people. I get it because I can read into it some. And you aren’t already annoying me. I also agree with it. But dude, it’s a social game. You have to remember you’re playing with really over-the-top personalities who suffer from severe senses of entitlement at an early age. You can’t expect them to understand that mothers, while important and emotionally awesome, are not the same as spouses. They just won’t get it. They won’t even begin to show a semblance of understanding that you might know what you’re talking about, because, you see, they are young and SMART and ENTITLED to have it NOW. You, however, are just an arrogant jackass that is whipping their asses.

Courtney: You totally looked all freaky chick. I think you’re allowed to shower and comb your hair now that you’re on the jury. And the finger kissing? Your inner mafia - eh. Not so much. You get an MIA, despite being out of the game, strictly off your bad hair. Seriously, there was some major intelligence missing with that ‘do.

Shane: Never think it’s a sure thing. Seriously. And never proclaim you are in control. Or even act like it. You did this all the time and blabbed your mouth off a lot. It’s all part of why you lost and it’s also MIA worthy. I read your transcript of Survivor Live, though, and I can’t really get harsh with you. You so rocked on bashing Jenna that I warmed up to you too much. God, did I just type that????? Dude, MIA for your weird-ass walk, too. There, I feel a bit better.

Danielle: I don’t know why you are still so “meh” to me, but you are. I can’t really think of anything about you that makes me go, “Yeah, I’m okay if she makes it.” If you get there, it’s by luck, much like Vecepia or Tina or others. Others will have carried you because they kept putting off voting you out. I don’t like that because it’s not game play. It’s not even flying-under-the-radar game play, which is what Sandra did, and I respected her game. I do think you should have stuck with Terry and Courtney and taken true control over the game. Aras and Cirie aren’t to be trusted in my book, but hey, maybe you know something I don’t.

Cirie: I’m still too impressed over last week to truly give you one of these. You’re awesome. I do think that you should have gone for Danielle and then figured out which of the men to toss once she was gone. More people think more nastily of Danielle than they do of Shane’s game play, so she’s still the remaining guys’ pick for final two. However, if I were good at strategy, I’d be on the show and not voted out first. Vegas odds on me would have me going out first, so don’t listen to me!

When push comes to shove, for this week, I’ll declare a tie between Aras and Terry, for both missing crucial aspects of intelligence: Aras for being painfully young and entitled, and Terry for being painfully socially unaware at times.

Remember, send me nominations! I love hearing from you and your rationales as well!

Heathyr Fields Ford resides in central Washington with a terribly patient boyfriend. An aspiring writer, she loves fan mail and suggestions for each week’s MIA, so email her at heathyranne@hotmail.com.

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