Real World/Road Rules Challenge: Fresh Meat, Episode 5 — “Tell That Bitch to Win a Mission!”

When last we visited the unRealWorld/nonRoadRules Challenge, Wes & Casey won their way out of Exile for a second time, sending Melinda & Ryan home, and the rest of the teams remained determined to eliminate the Austinites one team at a time.

We join the kiddies as Johanna and Wes cavort in the pool. Johanna tells us that Wes was “a mess” before she got together with him, and she knows that he loves her because he’s willing to change for her. Tina interviews that she feels bad for Johanna because Wes is a “sexist ass****.” (Thanks for bleeping that scary second syllable, MTV!) Wes tells us that their alliance is down to two and since Johanna & Jesse are the weakest team remaining in the game, his strategy is to keep her from getting voted into Exile. (Good luck with that, Mohawk Boy.)

Evening falls, and Tina and Kenny appear to be kickboxing in the living room, while insulting each other at the same time. (Everyone seems amused, so perhaps this is a new pastime I have missed out on.) Tina tells us she loves Kenny, but he doesn’t realize that this is “a job” and they need to start winning. (This is a job? Alrighty then…) We’re treated to footage of Kenny throwing Tina into the pool (and her eventually emerging sans blouse). Just as I’m debating what valium dosage is likely to get me through this, we’re mercifully interrupted by the dulcet T-Mobile tones, announcing another clue.

The clue is: “Wanna get high, guys?” Some of the teams immediately conclude they’ll be skydiving. Apparently not, since TJ is now welcoming them to the “Climber’s Paradise” challenge in Pat Martin Lookout in Lenoxhead, Australia. They have a custom-made 25-foot wall that’s designed to be climbed using specially made pegs in different shapes and sizes. Each team will ascend together, with each team member holding their partner’s pegs, so they will have exchange pegs with each other to complete the climb. They have 10 minutes to get to the top and grab their flags, or else they’re disqualified. The winning team is safe from Exile, and gets to choose one of the teams to go into Exile. Apparently, no one paid for product placement this week, as there seems to be no other prize offered.

Theo & Chanda won the last challenge, so they get to choose the order for this contest. Theo tells us he chose Johanna & Jesse to go first, since they’re not good at anything and their team will make a good “guinea pig” for the challenge. TJ sounds his very large air horn, and they’re off. We see them climbing together, and they look pretty strong, right up until eight minutes have elapsed, and Jesse gets to the top and grabs his flag. Johanna seems to be stuck about four feet from the top, and Jesse spends two minutes trying to haul her up the last few feet, to no avail. Time runs out and they’re disqualified. Wes tells us that Johanna did badly, but he didn’t expect her to do well. (Nice guy, huh?)

Next up are Tina & Kenny, and after only 1:25, Tina falls off, earning them a disqualification. True to form, Tina is furious, saying that the peg “unlocked” which made her fall. She throws her helmet and has a temper tantrum, further impressing… no one.

Wes & Casey are next, and they fail to get even as high as Johanna & Jesse did. Wes interviews that Casey isn’t particularly intelligent, but he’s known this since the first mission, so it’s no surprise to anyone. (I’m thinking of sending Wes a membership in NOW – anyone want to chip in with me?) Katie & Eric try next, and we see them exchanging some angry words as Eric tries to explain to Katie how to put a peg “straight in.” (There are so many jokes here that it’s just too easy, so I’m going to let it pass.) They also fail to finish.

Darrell & Aviv climb up the wall and Darrell boosts Aviv up to her flag before grabbing for his own, and they’re the first team to finish before time runs out. Following this same strategy, Shane & Linette also manage to complete the task, as do Derrick & Diem (despite blood running from a wound on her knee) and Tonya & Johnnie. Coral & Evan are next, and they complete the course strongly, as TJ tells us that they may be the team to beat. Theo & Chanda are last to go and Chanda drops a peg. She falls off the wall, but Theo grabs her hand and hauls her to the top of the wall. (You can fall off the wall without being disqualified? Something seems odd about that.)

TJ reads the results from last to first, as usual. Four teams were disqualified, so only six posted times. The slowest team to actually finish was Darrell & Aviv, in 7:49. The winning team (again) was Coral & Evan with a time of 5:33. They have 10 minutes to choose one of the two teams for the next Exile. As TJ sends the rest of the teams to go “chill out,” Evan interviews “Who’s the team to beat? We are!” (I’m really hoping for that “pride goeth before a fall” thing to come into play at some point soon!)

Wes takes Coral aside and asks her to vote one of the disqualified teams into Exile. If she does that, he will volunteer his team as the second into Exile. Wes tells her that she has an excuse to send one of the disqualified teams in, to which she replies that she doesn’t need an excuse. She tells us that Wes wants to save his girlfriend and himself, and is asking Coral & Evan to put one of their friends in – he can’t have everything he wants, it won’t happen. Time is up, and TJ asks for their decision; sure enough, they’ve chosen Wes & Casey to go into Exile again. Coral interviews that she’s tired of the girlfriend-boyfriend nonsense, and if he doesn’t want his girlfriend to go home, “Tell that bitch to win a mission!”