How to Get the Guy Episode 4: She Blinded Me with Science

The preview for this week indicated that it would be a very busy week for our four single ladies as they continue to hunt for their respective soulmates. The theme for the episode centers around chemical attraction and how to recognize it. As usual there are more rules to follow and another Coaching Event to enjoy, so let’s not waste any time.

Kris is so caught up in Josh that she is ready to take the next big step and introduce him to her friends. As with everything else in the dating arena there are important rules to follow and Love Coaches JD and Teresa are on hand to keep the ladies on the correct path. They talk with Kris about Boyfriend PR, which is not to be confused with Boyfriend BO, which is a topic for later in the show. There are two essentials to follow when preparing to subject a significant other to the emotional autopsy they can expect from your friends:

1. Talk him up to your friends. In essence, you want to pave the way by letting your friends know why this person is so important in the first place. It won’t save him from their scrutiny, but it just might take the edge off of it.

2. Tell him about your friends. At least this way he’ll have some idea of what to expect.

There is a brief interlude here as we check in with Anne and find out that she’s preparing for her third date with Dennis. She chats with JD and confesses that she tends to jump too quickly into sexual relations, and JD suggests that she wait and hold back a bit more. If you’re wondering why this is inserted into the middle of things, join the club, but the editors do like to jump around quite a bit.

We are soon back with Kris as she and Josh sit down with a group of her friends at a restaurant. Everything is cordial until Kris excuses herself to go to the ladies room. If there is any doubt that this is the signal for the pack to descend upon Josh, it is removed when not one of her lady friends offers to go with her. Guys, if you are out with a group and your woman makes a solo trip to the restroom, be ready for anything because the plot is about to thicken. Sure enough, the moment she leaves the barbecue sauce comes out and the grilling begins.

”When was your last serious relationship?” Not that long ago – just a few months, in fact.

”What are you looking for with Kris>” A feeling… you just know it when it happens. I felt it on the first night I met her.

Do you think she might be The One? This particular question lands in the room like a pregnant elephant and Josh sits in stunned silence for a few moments before slowly nodding his head yes.

It is at this point that Kris returns and Josh begins to breathe again. Unfortunately, there is one more question to be asked:

What three things make you The One? To his credit, Josh answers right away even though he appears to be handed a quick out if he wants it. He tells them that he and Kris are already good friends, that they have a lot in common, and that he totally adores her. While Kris’ heart accelerates to the approximate speed of a Gene Krupa drum solo, her friends exchange knowing and satisfied glances.

After a break we receive our first important lesson about chemistry. Get ready for it. The profound nature of this is so deep and compelling you may need a moment to meditate and reflect upon it before we continue. Are you ready? Here it is:

Chemistry is Chemical

Wow. The mind reels. Thank God they’re here to explain this stuff to us or we would have no chance of ever meeting someone and the human race would cease to exist as the childbirth rate fell to zero.

Alissa is preparing for a third date with Joey and is told by the coaches that it should be something other than dinner. They tell her not to be afraid to experiment with Chemistry and add a little adventure to the relationship. After all, there is only so much one can say at a restaurant table. They tell her to “get doped up on dopamine.” (Dopamine is the brain chemical most often associated with sexual attraction.)

Michelle, while shopping with friends, confesses that even though she’s kinda-sorta dating Darren, there hasn’t been much chemistry. In fact, they’ve yet to so much as kiss.

Anne and Dennis wind up taking a cooking class with friends. They discuss the nature of chemistry in a romance and how things either click or they don’t. I swear I’m not making this up. If I were, it would be more interesting.

Michelle goes out on another date with Darren and the boy needs to step up his game or Michelle will likely be putting on her cleats and kicking him to the proverbial curb. Darren is still having a tough time getting a word in edgewise with Michelle, who still seems to be in love with her own voice. We finally find out that he’s into cheese and when asked what his “type” is he takes the nice route and speaks of personality instead of physical appearance. Once again the date ends without a kiss and $20 says he’s about to have a lot of free weekends on his hands.

After being advised by the coaches that she should mix things up a bit for the next date, Alissa brings Joey and a friend to church. We see a montage of the choir/band rocking out, and numerous shots of Joey standing slightly away from Alissa. We also see Alissa talking to her friend, leaning on her friend’s shoulder, and generally acting as if Joey isn’t even there. Nonetheless, she tells us in voice-over that she feels Joey is smothering her and it’s becoming a problem. Shortly afterward she sits him down for a serious discussion about the situation. She takes a page out of the Human Resources 101 Handbook – lead with a positive before dumping out the negatives. She starts off by telling him how much she loves spending time with him. After building him up she tells him that sometimes she feels crowded by him. He takes this with a good deal of grace and tells her, “We got a journey ahead of us. Let’s go.” Alissa seems quite pleased with the way Joey handles the criticism.

At this point we cut to commercial, and judging from the fact that virtually all the ads were for other ABC programs, my guess is that the low ratings for the show have resulted in problems with finding advertisers.

We return to find out that it’s time for this week’s Coaching Event. We’re going to the Love Lab to “sniff out a perfect match.” The coaches explain that a good deal of attraction is non-verbal and is governed by the sense of smell. We see a table covered with an array of items including donuts, Good N Plenty candy, pumpkin pie, lavender, chocolate, and orange slices. Teresa tells us that many of these things have been proven to increase or decrease a man’s sexual interest. In fact, some may increase sexual arousal by as much as 19%. It is also mentioned that licorice candy and especially cucumbers have been known to turn women on. I’ll let you insert your own joke on that one. Sometimes it’s just too easy.