The Amazing Race 10, Episode 4 Insider: Brother Can You Spare Some Dong?

Wow! I haven’t even reviewed the clips yet, and already I have a lot to say. Quite a bit about this episode revved me up. Oh, my email address has been wrong lately, because I’m a total dork. It’s heathyranne@hotmail.com so please feel free to use it!

First of all, hats off to CBS for providing me with two of the best thoughts ever, one from Survivor and one from The Amazing Race:

“What do boobies taste like?”

“Collect dong from a man at a table.”

Seriously. I’m seriously supposed to look at these circumstances and not live in the gutter? Riiight.

Alright, so we’ll jump into the clips and all the other things I wrote before I watched the clips will get inserted at will throughout. Ready? I thought not, but come along anyway!

Maybe It’s Because You’re an Asshat? Peter & Sarah discuss why “Alabama” (Lyn & Karlyn) might not like them. Sarah says Karlyn isn’t that friendly, and she will not acknowledge Sarah even when Sarah’s trying to be nice. Sarah does not need that energy, she proclaims, as she knows plenty of good people. Peter is actually obviously listening during this clue (quelle surprise) but he still gazes aimlessly around until he can interject and wax rhapsodic about how many handicapped people he and Sarah work with daily. Sarah looks down. I can’t tell if it’s just random or if it’s because he’s bringing up the handicap thing again. However, she pipes up about it too, saying that Karlyn might just be upset because a tiny, blonde, one-legged thing beat her at the Forbidden City run. She rightly points out that at the end of the day; she still has to hop to the bathroom in the middle of the night. Peter interjects that they are only nice if they want something from someone. I think he’s wrong here. They seem nice enough to the others, but there is a major chip about Peter & Sarah.

Lyn & Karlyn on Peter & Sarah: Well, this is Lyn & Karlyn’s time to rant about them. Karlyn, I think, rants about how Sarah seems to not want to be treated like she has a handicap, how she runs all these races and so on, but then still uses the handicap woe to get advantages on the race. How is this different than women using sex appeal? Or men flirting with local ladies? Or Rob (of Romber) bribing locals? The only difference is that it is more awkward for you to know how to deal with. Plus, she truly does have a handicap, ladies, and like she said in her clip, at the end of the day, she has to hop to the bathroom in the middle of the night. Trust me, any perceived advantage (preboarding, whatever) pales in comparison to what disadvantages she has.

However, when it comes to the treatment thing, I agree with Alabama. Utilize the handicap to your advantage when you can, but realize that it’s incongruous to just want to be treated as a person when you’re shoving the handicap in people’s faces. Hey, if it works for a million, more power to you as long as you accept the consequences.

We pause now for my rant on Peter:

Rants on Peter, Peter, The Cripple Eater

Peter likes appearances, namely his appearance and how he looks to the world:

“Look at me; I’m the great guy who motivates and assists all these handicapped people to go beyond their handicap. I’m really a shallow bastard, but you won’t dare think that because I work with crips, I mean physically challenged people, and that makes me have a heart of gold. Hot women everywhere should love me. If they won’t, I guess I’ll be stuck with the one-legged wonder. If I were less shallow, I’d realize she’s gorgeous and awesome, but in my reality, she’s just a conduit to more adoration by people as they fawn over how great I am to be with someone with such a handicap. Hey wait, where are you going? I’m not done talking about me yet!”

I find it ironic that he throws out nauseating encouragement (“You’re all-American!” to the sound of nationwide gagging), but gets totally bent when she does the same to him. She seems to enjoy his normal encouragement (whereas I would rip his larynx out with my bare hands then beat him over the head with my prosthetic until his lobotomy was complete). What she doesn’t appear to like are his “Handicap Reminder Moments.” Things like “whip out the handicap placard to move ahead in line” make her face go a bit empty and sad. That he can’t get it shows again how completely and utterly self-centered and jackassy he is. She also appears to dislike his “Cruelty to Other Racers” suggestions, such as spitting on Tyler or something.

Peter is like the dorky dude who never could get along with other men and creeped out women just enough he could have friends, but never be more than the cute lap dog they tolerated, when he wanted to be the outstanding stud they rode like Catherine the Great meets The Black Stallion. He makes those inappropriate jokes thinking others will find him cool and amusing, and they really just find him pathetic. It’s doubly pathetic, of course, as his partner struggles (ON ONE LEG) to climb an effing rockface!