The Apprentice 3 Weekly Performance Review, Episode 2: Staying Over and Walking Out

It's another case where neither team did a very good job. The true excellent performances were moments, as opposed to the well-oiled machine that was Net Worth last week. So I don't have much positive to say. You're shocked, aren't you?

Magna Corporation:

Maybe there was a good reason for it, but why would you paint the rooms when time was of the essence? And I'm DYING to know who the idiot was who didn't take the bags off the mattresses.

Kendra, Stephanie, and Alex: You got pretty well overshadowed by the Verna and Brian show. See you next week.

Bren: The only real exposure was cleaning up Verna's mess, which was impressive. You can get a lot of mileage being known as a problem solver, trust me. Also, you said in the extra footage that the "yankees" don't know how to design roads. Bren, I lived in Memphis for ten years - Memphians have NO ROOM to talk about stupid roads. Don't believe me? Try explaining Highway 40 to someone sometime.

Erin: I understand you're only on this show because you want to be a model, and you already have an agent. That would explain the outfits that look like something out of Zoolander, but nothing would ever explain that hair.

Let me say something to all the model and actress wannabes who want to go on The Apprentice: DON'T. This isn't that type of show. You'll only look like an idiot, like Tammy or Ereka or Elizabeth (even though they don't necessarily fall in that category). Go on Survivor, or America's Next Top Model, or whatever. Or maybe go on The Biggest Loser, because that's what you are. I don't care. The second season of The Apprentice was ruined by jackoffs like you, Erin, who didn't give a rat's ass about business. Go crawl back in your hole and quit screwing up my favorite reality show!

Verna: OK, take a seat, this will take a while.

You WALKED OFF the job? Not only that, but you left the front desk unattended when there was another teammate sleeping RIGHT THERE? I don't care how tired you were, how hard would it have been to wake Bren up and tell him you needed some sleep? But no, you just walked off.

I don't care who you are, you walk out on a job like that and you're GONE. Unless there's a real medical emergency (and "I'm tired" doesn't cut it, sorry), there's no excuse for abandoning your post. Yes, abandoning. Carolyn driving off after you was the biggest load of bull in the history of the show. You just took off walking with a camera right with you, huh? Just walked around aimlessly in case someone decided to come after you? This wasn't a breakdown, this was a pathetic cry for attention. It shouldn't be rewarded with everyone saying how "courageous" you are, it should result in your ass print on the boardroom door from it hitting you on the way out. Why should anyone trust you? Will you always need someone with you in case you decide you don't want to come back? Why should anyone put you in charge of anything harder than handing out flyers? You could have made a lot of people's hard work for nothing, because you couldn't handle the pressure. And now you say you're all magically better. Well excuse me if I'm not the least bit impressed.

Did you see the show at all last year? You haven't seen anything CLOSE to pressure! You cracked on the second task! And this isn't Magic 8-Ball acting weird under pressure, this is mental weakness. Do you think it's going to get better? You think Carolyn is going to play Soccer Mommy every week? If you think that, you're even stupider than Erin's outfits. I have to agree with Betsy - if the true measure of a person is how they act when they're down, I guess that means you pretty much suck. All that phony glad-handing by the rest of the team was a whole lot of crap. You can bet they wouldn't have been so nice if you had lost.

In other words, you don't deserve to be here, and nothing you can possibly do the rest of the series will convince me otherwise. Messing up is one thing - walking out is unforgivable.

Danny: Nice suit. I see you've learned a basic rule of business: being eccentric only matters once you GET the job. Paraphrasing Kevin Costner in Bull Durham, if you win, people will think you're colorful. Until then, the scruffy look just means you're a slob.

You just INVITE movie quotes, don't you?

That said, I think you won the challenge for your team with the party idea. That was inspired, and I wonder if that's part of the reason "Mrs. Customer Service" Verna got so upset - you accomplished in two minutes what she couldn't do all day. But make no mistake, you won the task.

Michael: I start to wonder if you people even watched the first season. One thing you CAN NOT do on these challenges is throw someone and their ideas aside. By ignoring Verna completely, you fed her insecurities and anxiety. Now, she's at fault for what she did and no one else, but you sure didn't help. Listen to her, and if you don't have something for her to do, tell her to work on it and get back to you. She didn't need to be painting. No one did, but that's not the point. You lucked out - had Danny been on the other team, you might have been… oh, wait, Verna would have been fired. But you would have lost, anyway.

Net Worth Corporation:

I liked the rooms, and your attempts at customer service the next morning were commendable. The priorities - toilets over carpet, for example - were quite a bit out of whack. But you lost the task on customer service, mainly from your Project Manager and Kristen screaming at each other in front of the customers. You don't need a college degree to know that was pretty stupid.

Craig and Tara: Again, not enough time for you this week, I guess. Better luck next week.

Audrey: I like your initiative in finding the dumpster, and $700 was a tremendous price. Your reactions to the fights make me like you even more. And being kind of cute doesn't hurt either. Hey, if Betsy can drool over John, I can harbor a crush on Audrey. Although I have to say, my ass knows the difference between a cheap toilet and an expensive one. Those cheap ones are HARD.

Chris: I hope it was just bad editing, because your refurbishing rant in the boardroom made absolutely no sense. Even if someone said you claimed to have knowledge in refurbishing, jumping in someone's face like that is hardly the way to impress anyone.

Angie: My enemy's enemy is my friend - you smacked Kristen down, so I'm on your side.

Kristen: I had a whole rant planned for you, but it essentially breaks down to this:

SHUT UP.

Tana: I was very impressed by your customer service skills this week. Unfortunately, this doesn't mean you should run a company, it means you're good at working behind a counter. However, it DOES mean that you could be great in the boardroom, sweet-talking clients and vendors. In other words, I'm still uncertain about you. Considering how I feel about some of these people, that's a very good thing.

John: I really like you a lot, although I don't think you're as cute as Betsy says. Sorry, you're just not my type. But with only two episodes down, you seem to be the most level-headed, intelligent one (maybe the ONLY one) in the bunch. I immediately knew Brian was in trouble when you started yelling at him. It's pretty obvious what the difference was between this week and last week - last week, the team had good leadership.

Everyone who talks about this show has you pegged as the winner, but my gut tells me you are the last "street smart" contender who will be fired for not having enough education.

Brian: Boy, did YOU suck as a leader. Maybe you didn't realize, but the root of "leader" is "lead." In other words, you might want to try leading people next time. When your entire team is reduced to screaming at each other, you're not leading. Or let me put it this way - your prospective employer doesn't want to hear that "you are the team" because no one else would work with you.

Nor do they argue in front of the customers! A few years back, a friend and I were having dinner at a sports bar we frequented. Our regular waitress was taking a break and eating, so we invited her to sit with us. The manager came over and dragged her off, and yelled at her within earshot of us that it was unprofessional for her to eat with the customers. I said, in a loud voice, "It's better than yelling at your waitresses in front of them." He turned red and stomped away. He was not a good manager either. Kristen may be a horrid bitch, but you were in charge. If I had to fill out a comment card that day at the bar, I would have blasted the manager. So guess why you lost?

I'm a big believer in the concept of "you have to spend money to make money," but there is a limit. You can't do stupid things like replacing toilets when they don't need it. Trump sure didn't get to be a billionaire by throwing money - ahem - down the toilet. Maybe you made your money that way, and bully for you, but it wasn't going to win this game.

Finally, I have to mention that TELLING Trump to fire you is possibly the single stupidest thing anyone's ever done in the boardroom. Even worse than Bradford giving up immunity, although you would have been fired anyway. Begging for it doesn't help.

Mike DeGeorge has a Bachelor of Science Degree in Business Management from Christian Brothers University in Memphis, and has almost ten years of management experience. He is also Associate Editor of RNO. Email Mike at mikmaria@charter.net.

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