The Apprentice 3 Weekly Performance Review, Episode 3: Magna Cum Losers

You have NO IDEA how much I'm regretting my decision to continue writing about this show.

Net Worth Corporation:

I'm not even going to bother grading you individually, because, as usual, the producers chose to focus not on solid business practices of Net Worth but on the car wreck that was Magna. I think that's one reason I've grown disillusioned with this show. In the first season, the focus was on the tasks and the business lessons. Now, it's an exercise in who can get the most screen time - the contestants or the sponsors. It's tiresome.

Sorry, I got off track. Kind of like the show itself, no? But in any case, I really liked how Net Worth took the "choice" part of Taster's Choice and spun it into a political theme - a theme which was probably super-hot and still relevant when the episode was filmed - which wasn't terribly original, but beat the red, white, and blue pants off a drawing for a free iPod. You get to see some problems in the extra footage, but nothing like the wreck of the HMS Danny.

Magna Corporation:

Sometimes, I enjoy the episodes where they telegraph in giant flashing neon letters who will be fired. After the Trump lesson was, "Lead with authority," and then Danny was announced as the Project Manager, he might as well have been wearing a bullseye.

And again, I feel I have to point out that I want to smack the crap out of all these people who keep talking about a "buzz." I'll say it again - it's a useless word that people say to make them sound smarter than they are. Like "synergy." And did Stephanie actually try to say she had "no buzz" as an excuse in the boardroom?

Bren: I like to think you nominated Danny for Project Manager on purpose. I'm not entirely convinced, but since it DID directly lead to Danny getting fired, you get points for it in my book. And you came up with the iPod idea. Whee.

Erin: I really hate to agree with you, but I'm starting to like your no-nonsense approach to the game, while at the same time, not being a huge bitch {cough**Kristen**cough}. A couple of times, when referring to Danny and Verna, you could have been speaking for me. I'm willing to overlook your horrendous outfits if you keep making more sense than anyone else on the show.

But then you had to make that speech in the boardroom. I know you're supposedly a lawyer, and a big part of the law profession is searching for loopholes, but did you honestly think Trump would be swayed by a bunch of double-speak? As indicated in his pre-firing speech to Danny, he wasn't impressed.

And let's say Trump DID make an exception and strip Michael of his immunity. What does that say for the integrity of the game? Would the winning team go into the boardroom if Trump didn't like something they did? Could a team say "We went over budget, but that's OK, we know the rules only apply sometimes!" I'm being silly here, but it just goes to illustrate how ridiculous your argument was.

Kendra: The only thing we saw you do in the episode is participate in the asinine Michael-bashing. Not good.

Alex: You, along with Erin, were responsible for the whole "take away Michael's exemption" idiocy, even though you let Erin take the brunt of it. Not impressive. You also tried to tell Danny that Stephanie was the worst person on the team. Desperately trying to avoid the fingers pointed at you, are we?

Stephanie: Great job in bringing in the event planner, even though the guy did a pretty bad job. I mean, really - a MIME? You voted no for them, but you probably should have called around more before letting the planner give you such an outrageous deadline. Danny blamed you for the whole thing, and that's not entirely false - you brought Darren's bid to Danny, which would mean to me that Darren was the best choice of everyone you called. Of course, this is all assumption.

However, this is the second time you've worked closely with Danny, and the second time he said you did a bad job. I'm not sure if you're looking good in comparison to the human train wreck over there, but you're the most impressive person on Magna. High praise indeed.

Michael: I've often wondered what would happen if an immune Project Manager half-assed it the next week. Now I know, thanks! Good job throwing your chances of winning down the drain, moron.

Danny: All the touchy-feely guitar playing in the world doesn't hide the fact that you're a horrible businessman. I sincerely hope you run your marketing company differently than you spent your time on this show. I don't get it - Trump is possibly the most decisive man on the planet. Did you honestly expect to win by shooting down hundreds of ideas and never make a decision?

Nice way to deal with Michael, by the way. In Danny-world, does behaving like a perfect gentleman involve swearing and condescending? I know Michael was about as useless as a Fox reality show, but you hardly helped the situation. Hey, remember the last Magna Project Manager who had a "difficult" employee? What happened to him?

Your "decision" to use the event planner was horrible, and letting him bully you into taking his offer when you had no idea what you were doing ranked right up there with Maria not getting the brochure quote in writing last season. Speaking of the planner, I find it funny how they talked about how they would have had nothing without the planner. Hell, you guys had next to nothing as it was!

Verna: I saved you for last because you're the biggest loser on the show. Good for you if you decided that this isn't the right opportunity for you, as you said on the Today show. Maybe there really IS some double-secret hush-hush editing conspiracy that made you quit. I don't buy it, and I think all your coyness and all your defensiveness is just you trying to gloss over the fact that YOU QUIT. I don't care why, to be honest. I don't care if it offended your sensibilities. I don't care if you were mentally tired. I don't care if you couldn't deal with the backstabbing. You auditioned for this, which had to be a long and arduous process. Only a complete MORON would make a TV show and seem to have no clue what is going on. Apparently, you are a complete moron. Go away and never come back.

Mike DeGeorge has a Bachelor of Science Degree in Business Management from Christian Brothers University in Memphis, and has almost ten years of management experience. He is also Associate Editor of RNO. Email Mike at mikmaria@charter.net.

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