The Apprentice 3 Weekly Performance Review, Episode 4: Advertising Your Weaknesses

Why is it when this show airs an episode that proves my point about how this is a useless group, I can't even agree with that? They went out of their way to show how bad the contestants were, and - in some cases, anyway - I think they were pushing it.

Speaking of bad, let's give a great big Trumpish "You're fired!" to crappy FORMER Browns quarterback Jeff Garcia. No one ever deserved it more. I can agree with him on one thing - I don't know why they hired you, either.

Magna:

What did I think of your ad? I didn't think it was THAT horrible. I mean, criticizing an ad for not mentioning the product? Ever heard of Nike? MacIntosh? I despise the trend, but "talk in depth about the product" hasn't exactly been a requirement of ads lately. And trashy? Coming on the heels of the Super Bowl, where an idiotic spot for a website no one's ever heard of (and no one can explain what they do) is the most TiVO'd moment because it features a big-breasted woman "almost falling out of her top."

So a woman fondling a cucumber was cause for a full out panic attack? Spare me. Maybe it wasn't what Dove was looking for, but you wanted to be shocked. You wanted them to make you pay attention. Didn't they do that? But what REALLY got to me is that one of Deutsch's aides didn't like the fact that the woman got left with a cucumber. What was her point, that it hit too close to home?

I mean, I didn't like the ad either, but was it that much worse than showing Miss Piggy using the product? What kind of sense did THAT make?

Alex and Kendra: Well, you weren't part of the car accident, so we didn't see much of you again.

Stephanie: Let's see, your contributions to this episode included cracking up at the cucumber jokes and passing the buck when the actress complained. So impressed.

Michael: I really don't see the point in wasting my time giving you advice. You're on borrowed time after last week, no doubt about it. Eventually, a boardroom will come where there's no one that REALLY messed up, and your number will be up.

Bren: As I said, I didn't hate the ad, so I can't take you to task for that the way others have. In addition, you were amazing in the way you calmed the model down. Some might say you were creepy, though, and I wouldn't argue with that. Combine all that with your patronizing dad-like speech to Michael, and I just can't see you standing alongside Bill and Kelly.

Erin: You know what really scares me? You're starting to make a lot of sense. I've been agreeing with you WAY too much lately, and it makes me want to bang my head against the wall until it stops. But your performance on this task is nothing short of terrible for one reason: you were unspeakably unprofessional. In all those papers you wrote on sexual harassment, did "model washing" ever come up? I suppose you COULD have been worse by, say, humping the guy's leg, but I'd say you did plenty.

Net Worth:

What can I say? You had a solid idea, at least a solid concept, and it was totally murdered in (heh) execution. It wasn't the best idea ever, but it certainly deserved better. It was like a good idea that was thrown into a blender, then slopped onto a plate.

Angie: You seem to be pleasantly on-the-ball. Maybe some of these contestants have redeeming qualities after all. But stop saying things like "outside the box," mmkay?

Chris: First you scream about refurbishing in the hotel challenge. Now you start yelling about being homosexual. What is it with you that you can't answer a question without getting instantly worked up?

John: I'm beginning to see a trend: when a Project Manager pisses you off, they better pack their bags. Whether it's the editing or what's really happening, one fact is becoming apparent. You are leading this team.

Craig: We still haven't seen much of you, which I still think bodes well for your chances (unless you're just really dull). Hanging around with John won't hurt you either..

Tara: You told us that the humor was gone from John's idea. Enthralling. I hope you're just being edited out and that's not all you contributed.

Tana: I didn't see a problem with the models. Since you seemed to have done your job, the only reason Kristen could have for bringing you into the boardroom was to try to have a scapegoat. Funny how Kristen says she wants to control everything on the task, and is shown directing the models, then blames you for them being "hard to work with," huh?

Audrey: Kristen didn't like you, which automatically gives you points in my book. Not that you needed them - you've built upon your impressive performances over the last few weeks by, well, being the anti-Kristen. I like your honesty in the boardroom. You would rather get rid of a problem in Kristen than try to get someone from the other team fired. I usually come down in favor of "working with problems," but Kristen transcends rules.

Kristen: For the last few days, I've been trying to decide if you're merely clueless or truly stupid. If you actually thought that Trump would look at your performance these past few weeks and hire you, then you are truly stupid. Here's another one: you've been on two reality shows now, and you've yet to find anyone who could stand you, forget about LIKED you! A truly stupid person would take this knowledge and not attempt to make some changes to their personality. A truly stupid person would blame everyone else, with irrational reasons. I mean, come on - how could you not have figured out it was a joke!? The guys rolling around laughing in the war room wasn't a big enough hint?

But the funniest thing about you is how you claimed that you could direct because your boyfriend was a director. You don't realize it (mainly because you're truly stupid) but you just subjected your boyfriend to endless taunting at work. Thanks to your idiocy, he'll never be able to live it down.

Mike DeGeorge has a Bachelor of Science Degree in Business Management from Christian Brothers University in Memphis, and has almost ten years of management experience. He is also Associate Editor of RNO. Email Mike at mikmaria@charter.net.

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