The Apprentice 3 Weekly Performance Review, Episode 7: The Bold and the Beautiful

After the flood of email from last week’s column, I got one suggestion for a more boring task than the Playstation art: the dog washing task in season two. I have to admit, that was a bad one. We’ve been in quite the rut for the last couple seasons, haven’t we?

If being successful in business means playing golf a lot, then count me out. Stupidest, most pointless, dullest freaking game in the world. While you’re dressing in funny pants and chasing a little white ball to make a business deal, I’ll be working and earning money, then going bowling or playing racquetball afterward.

As for the task, Kendra was right. Marketing was going to win the task. As horrible as Audrey was, it was the marketing effort that won it for Magna. The safari team wasn’t any better than the circus team when you get right down to it.

Magna:

Kendra and Erin: I’ll lump you together again this week because between the two of you (and it sounded like Kendra’s idea), you won the task for your team. Remember how, during the trailer task and the massage idea in particular, I said the teams needed to go around to local businesses and offer discounts? There you go. I’m glad people are starting to listen to me – remember that this column is so important that it is capable of traveling through time and affecting the episodes.

I can’t believe we haven’t seen Kendra before now. You’ve got the take charge and get it done attitude that Trump seems to like. I don’t want to make a bold prediction based on one week, but if you keep up like this, you’ll go very far. In fact, if Trump takes a woman into the finals (and I have a hunch it will be a two-woman final) I’m betting it’s you.

As for Erin, you should really stop getting fashion tips from Elton John.

Bren: You have a GREAT way with people. I don’t know how much good it will do you in this competition, but it seems like you’re the one to schmooze someone or smooth something over. I’d be willing to bet that you’re one hell of a lawyer.

Alex: You look like you play a lot of golf. That’s not a compliment.

Stephanie: You did a great job as Project Manager, because we barely saw you. You took the advice of your team and worked together. And you kept it positive.

Net Worth:

Chris: I could really care less that you’re addicted to chewing tobacco. Much more successful people have been addicted to far worse. I think you realize now that dipping while wearing a clown costume wasn’t the brightest thing to do, so I’ll skip that.

Tana: I’ve never thought much of you, to be honest, and you haven’t done anything to impress me. But you haven’t screwed up, and that’s saying something this season.

Angie: I don’t think you did yourself any favors by standing behind Audrey so long, but at least you were smart enough to jump ship when she brought you to the boardroom. Had you still supported her, Trump might have fired you?

Craig: Even though you went to the boardroom, this was the Audrey and John show, so we didn’t get to see much of you. I also don’t think you’ll be around too much longer, as you simply haven’t shown anything.

John: I told my girlfriend (no, my REAL girlfriend) that I knew Audrey was toast when she started arguing with you. Look back – every single person on Net Worth who has been fired has argued with you. If I were Project Manager, I’d make sure to listen to you.

I particularly liked how you were unafraid at the thought of going up against Audrey – and you shouldn’t have been. Trump is a confident man, and showing confidence is a good way to stick around. Finally, I didn’t find your comments to Audrey to be insulting. They showed a lack of respect, nothing more. I hate when people show phony respect when they don’t mean it.

Audrey: “I’m beautiful! People hated me because I was beautiful! I was tired of being beautiful!” John: “You ARE beautiful!” Audrey: “You die now! ARRRRR!” You ripped John’s face off for daring to call you beautiful, then gush when Trump does it. So to paraphrase Chris Rock, is it only offensive when a non-powerful poor man does it?

You complained that your team made it personal last week. No, your team thought you were the weak link and YOU made it personal. Their comments were no more personal than your comments to Craig last week. You tried to delegate but gave no guidance, you weren’t supportive, you asked for the pointless timelines, you refused to take responsibility for anything – in fact, I might go so far as to say that you tried to lose to task to get John fired. That would have been incredibly stupid, especially as Project Manager. Even so, the internet footage showed you setting up John, so who knows. Either way, planning for a loss will get you only one thing – a loss.

I don’t want to condescend and say that I feel sorry for you, but when you bare yourself on national TV as you did, you invite comments about it. I’m not going to get into any detailed psychoanalysis, but at the very least, I’d say you have a raging inferiority complex. Going on a reality show is not exactly the way to help that. Go back to work and to your new husband. I hate to tell people to stay in their comfort zone, because you’ve obviously had to scratch and crawl and risk everything to be as successful as you are today, but when you react that badly to criticism, I don’t know what else to say. Maybe The Apprentice brought it out of you, I don’t know.

OK, so I DID go into a detailed psychoanalysis. It’s what I do.

Mike DeGeorge has a Bachelor of Science Degree in Business Management from Christian Brothers University in Memphis, and has almost ten years of management experience. He is also Associate Editor of RNO. Email Mike at mikmaria@charter.net.

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