The Apprentice 3, Episode 8 Extras: Tana in the Hizzy

We start with a “preview scene,” which contains nothing new, but which reminds us that Tana is the coolest white-person-attempting-to-act-“street” ever. She and Craig meet and successfully negotiate with Lil’ Kim.

Back on the first day of the task, Rhona calls the suite and Angie takes down her directions. Kendra winds up as Magna’s project manager, since she’s the only person who hasn’t done it yet. Bren tells Tana that Chris should step up for Net Worth. Angie says that Chris has never volunteered to be project manager. He winds up taking the job this time.

Kendra, Tana, and Craig meet with Lil Jon. Carolyn is amused. Tana says she was “down with” Lil Jon and the Eastside Boys. I could not love Tana more.

Speaking of love (or, in this case, the lack thereof), Betsy’s and my ex-boyfriend John goes with Erin and Stephanie to meet with Barenaked Ladies. I love BNL, and I’m sad that John has tainted them. I hope Tyler didn’t let him touch his drums. Erin isn’t happy that John keeps talking about himself. Stephanie says that John’s ideas aren’t creative.

Back in the car, on the way to meet Gene Simmons, John talks about pimping Stephanie and Erin. I certainly hope he means pimping in the Pimp My Ride sense. He’s glad to have Erin and Stephanie going with him because Gene likes women. He may like them, but he doesn’t respect them. No wonder John likes Gene so much. John immediately starts talking about himself, but Gene isn’t impressed. When they start talking about women, Gene tells Stephanie and Erin that a man should be able to look into his “beloved’s” eyes and tell her he loves her, but also wants her mother and sister. If I never see Gene Simmons again, it will be too soon. He gives a little falsetto, “Just kidding,” but he’s obviously not.

Erin interviews that, normally, if a man spoke like that to her, she’d smack him and slap him with a sexual harassment suit. Normally, schnormally. I don’t care how famous the guy is - she should’ve said something. As if that weren’t enough inappropriateness, Stephanie interviews that Gene slid his phone number across the table to her. She tries to sound outraged, mentioning that they were in negotiations and that wasn’t professional, but she’s also laughing a little. Way to make it seem okay, Steph.

Magna prepares for their segment at Fuse. Tana’s a MILF. While talking up Lil Jon, she says that she got “crunktified” at his place. I don’t know what that is, and I don’t care to find out. Kendra says that they got a lot of good bids, then asks rhetorically, “Who doesn’t want to spend seven days with a star?”

Net Worth prepares for their segment, figuring out how much time they can spend on each artist. Erin says that she loves being under pressure and she works better when she’s in a time crunch. Angie says that being in the control room and watching the segment being filmed was the most exciting experience of her life. Tyler from BNL is funny. Gene is still inappropriate. Angie says that the show delivered, but now it’s up to the bidding.

Net Worth winds up in the boardroom. Trump asks Chris why he sent Tana and Craig over to Magna. Chris says that Tana is easy-going and easy to get along with, but she’s “not business savvy.” That’s whack. He starts to say something about Craig and Trump fills in for him that Chris couldn’t handle Craig. Chris agrees and says that Craig “speaks very demeaning” to him. What’s with this team and the word “demeaning”? Trump asks why Chris let Craig talk to him that way. Chris replies that you can only push so far and can only go to a person so many times and ask him not to talk that way. Interestingly, Chris almost misspeaks and says John’s name instead of Craig’s while talking about asking a person not to speak a certain way.

Angie thinks that Chris is a good guy and was good on TV. Trump agrees; he didn’t think Chris was cool, but he was cool on TV. Chris raves about Fuse, saying that everything was incredible, especially the people. Trump notes that Stephanie is exempt and asks how she did. Chris admits that he doesn’t really know, since Stephanie spent most of the task with John and Erin. Trump asks John the same question; John points out that they lost. Trump compliments Erin’s deejay skills and she reveals that she majored in broadcasting in college. Trump tells her that if she gets fired, she should be a deejay. She says she’s thinking about it now.

Going back to the question at hand, John says that the team could have performed just as well as they did without Stephanie. Trump asks why they lost and John claims that, from what he’s heard, they didn’t do anything differently than Magna. Except winning, of course. Carolyn challenges this, saying that Magna’s artists gave more time for their experiences. Trump wonders how they managed to get someone a week with Moby. George says that Net Worth didn’t push enough. They get into the discussion of Chris delegating the negotiating portion, and Chris is getting really agitated.

Erin brings up the fact that John kept talking about himself. Trump asks her who he should fire, and she names John, because he said that he could deal with the artists. Carolyn, I would like to note, looks like she’s really sick of John. Angie is still talking Chris up, saying that he did a good job delegating. Trump asks Chris what he should have done differently, but Chris can’t think of anything, because he thinks the team did well. Trump asks if the blame falls to Chris and Chris, who’s getting agitated again, admits that he has to take some of the blame, since he was the project manager.

Trump asks, apropos of almost nothing, whether Chris chewed tobacco during this task. Angie assures him that he didn’t and Chris says, “Sorry, sir, it’s a horrible thing.” Trump says that they need to make him quit. Carolyn is still stuck on Chris saying that he doesn’t know how most of his team did because he wasn’t with them. The point of the task was negotiating, and he should know what happened. Chris says that he thought the experiences, as presented to him by his team members, were great. He announces that he’s bringing John and Erin to the second boardroom.

Trump confers with George and Carolyn, then calls John, Erin, and Chris back in. Trump starts in on John this time, calling him a bad negotiator. Erin agrees. John says that he didn’t display business acumen, as Erin said, because he takes a different tack with artists than he does in other business situations.

George wonders again why Chris wasn’t there for the negotiating. Chris says that he was confident that Erin, Stephanie, and John could handle it on their own. George asks if it wasn’t really because Chris wanted to stay out of the line of fire. Chris is really getting inappropriately angry here. Another viewer and I are betting that when Chris gets fired (and it’s going to have to be when, not if), he’s going to blow a fuse, and it’s going to be the most entertaining firing ever. I think he’s also going to throw a hissy-fit in the cab and refuse to look at the camera, like Brian.

Trump wraps up by announcing that Chris and John were both bad during this task. Daddy’s disappointed, boys. John is ultimately fired.

In the cab, John continues to not get the point. He says that he came with a “phenomenal attitude” and is leaving with the same attitude. He was always in the line of fire, so he was always at risk. He feels like he’s taking the fall for his team’s failure. He’s grateful for the experience. He says that he knew it was going to be between him and Chris, but Stephanie deserved to get fired. He starts talking in clichés about looking back at yesterday and crying over spilled milk. He thought he would get more credit, but Trump didn’t take everything he’s done into consideration.

John continues that he met a lot of great people on the show. He claims that the most memorable moment was meeting Gene Simmons. Why am I not surprised? He accomplished everything he wanted to do, except winning. He thinks that he performed with integrity and has nothing to hang his head about. He did nothing underhanded. He hopes that people will do business with him in the future because he proved on the show that he’s honest. Not seen: John being trampled by an angry mob of women.

Next week: “a special episode with never-before-seen moments!” In English, that’s a clip show. No extras, so I’ll see you in two weeks!

Jenn Brasler is an aspiring writer from Falls Church, VA. You can e-mail her at luckyjenn@hotmail.com. She's trying to decide whether to use her powers for good…or evil. She will write for money. Or candy. Or clothes from Old Navy.

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