The Apprentice 3 Weekly Performance Review, Episode 9: Boxing Day

Now Home Depot, there’s a sponsor! No way I’ll make fun of them – they’re one of our biggest clients at my “real” job. And how much did you love the fact that they all wore hard hats? They should have had an “O” on them.

Magna:

I have to admit, I agreed with the Pouty Four about the box, but Craig obviously knew what he was doing the whole time. And what about that reward? You know that’s how they filmed the space scenes in one of my favorite movies, Apollo 13? I would have seriously dug this reward.

Tana, Bren, Alex, and Kendra: I’m lumping you together because I have the same thing to say to all of you. I was shocked by your negativity at the beginning of the task. You should all be ashamed for abandoning Craig so quickly just because he chose a different project than you wanted. You redeemed yourselves a bit at the clinic itself. A bit. Were it not for the snits at the beginning of the task, this might have gone down as the best team effort ever. As it is, you all owe Craig a big apology. And go attend a Home Depot Box clinic while you’re at it.

No, I’m not mad. I’m just so darned disappointed. Somewhat appropriate that the episode the week before Easter featured a bunch of doubting Thomases, eh?

Craig: For quite a while there, I felt very confident in my prediction of an “Elizabeth-style disaster” for your first stint as Project Manager. You didn’t have the respect of your team, they didn’t like your idea, and you were stuck working alone while the others stood around contemplating mutiny. Sound familiar?

However, you won by doing everything that Elizabeth did NOT do. You stuck to your guns, refusing to change the project as everyone else wanted to do (but didn’t come up with any better ideas, I might add), but you believed in yourself and your idea and made the project work. Not only that, but you convinced your teammates to work with you – something Kevin begged Elizabeth to do, if you recall – and somehow, it WORKED! Your teammates, who couldn’t wait to bash you just minutes before, couldn’t praise you highly enough once they saw the project in motion. I can’t sign off on the praying, as that sort of thing will scare most corporations away faster than seeing Erin dressed in a pink bathmat.

This has to go down as one of the best performances, and most unlikely turnarounds, in Apprentice history. Bren seemed to think that the fault lay with you not communicating your ideas well enough, but I can’t let him pass the blame of their pouting onto you. Well done.

Net Worth:

Stupid idea for a project. Why would someone try to build that thing when they could just buy a kit at Wal-Mart for $30?

Stephanie: A few weeks ago, I told you “Welcome to the bubble,” meaning that it was only a matter of time. Since then, you’ve improved quite a bit Maybe Chris asking to trade you back to Magna during the restructuring lit a fire under you. However, Angie wasn’t correct in saying you didn’t do anything wrong – you chose the mobile kitchen island.

Chris: This whole preoccupation of Trump’s with your tobacco chewing is seriously getting on my nerves. See, this is what I keep complaining about with this show – you’ve got the chance to show actual business theories and practices in an ENTERTAINING way, and instead we get crapola like this. There’s smoking and an abundance of drinking (which Trump despises so much he’s talked of running for public office so he could have alcohol declared illegal) all over the show, but what do they focus on? Chris’ stupid little habit. Has Trump even addressed the anger issue?

Your days are numbered anyway, so it’s not even worth discussing. The previews show you losing your temper to Alex, so if that doesn’t get you, the idiotic tobacco issue will.

Angie: You lucked out. You should have been fired this week, and you know it. Trump was an eyelash from firing you (and very likely was about to say he doesn’t always listen to George and Carolyn when Erin jumped in, but we’ll get to that in a moment) and no one would have questioned his choice. You picked a bad clinic, didn’t run it properly, didn’t take control of a problem employee, and

And by the way, talking about how you’re the “mother” of the group right after I tell you you’re going to be fired for being too old is just teasing me. Don’t poke the bear.

Erin: Apparently, you’re annoying, condescending, AND stupid. First of all, you obviously learned nothing from last week. Oh, you shut up then, but you didn’t learn the lesson which means that you’ll forget something a few days after you learn it. Not exactly a perfect candidate.

Let’s discuss tapping out during the challenge. How many times have I said it? The true test of a leader is what happens when they are taken out of their element. You think Carolyn jumped up and down, begging Trump to put her in charge of golf courses? You take what you’re given and run with it. Look at Magna – none of them liked the box idea, but as Kendra said, they made it the best darn box they could. Making a token effort doesn’t work.

In my prediction of why you should go, I said that you would be fired when there was no one else, a la Ereka from season one. In fact, you were more like Chris from season two, who threw in the towel when he realized the challenge was running a bridal shop. Same thing.

The big difference here, Erin, is that it was in no way obvious that you would be going home. Chris was his usual blustery, tobacco chewing (eye-roll) self, and Angie was talking herself right into a cab ride home. So what happened? You wouldn’t SHUT UP.

There you were, frantically leaping on every criticism like a starving man going through the dumpster at a rib joint. Carolyn dismissed this little tactic right away, and although Trump didn’t catch on (at least not yet), he didn’t need to. He’s preached about loyalty how many times? He’s fired people for less.

Plus, your attempt to be cutesy backfired. You’re NOT Paris Hilton, except the fact that you both revel in your ignorance. Just like John last episode, you could aim a little lower in your choice of idol, but not by much. The first time I heard you say “That’s Hot,” I would have kicked you and your bathmat-wearing ass so far off the show you wouldn’t even see Donald Trump by buying the season one DVD.

Mike DeGeorge has a Bachelor of Science Degree in Business Management from Christian Brothers University in Memphis, and has almost ten years of management experience. He is also Associate Editor of RNO. Email Mike at mikmaria@charter.net.

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