The Apprentice 3 Weekly Performance Review, Episode 12: How To Succeed In Business Without Really Working

Before I do anything else, I want to send a message to those who emailed and told me there is no way Kendra has what it takes to win and that Tana is the obvious choice. It’s a very technical, detailed message:

HAH! In your FACE!

How about Pontiac, of all companies, teaching Domino’s a lesson in how to take advantage of product placement? They released the Solaris the day after this episode first aired. Now THAT’S marketing. Had Domino’s marketing people been in charge of this, they would release a new mini-van.

Kendra… er, Magna:

This team pissed me off so badly I had trouble writing this because I kept jumping back and forth from Tana to Craig. I think you two deserve a Hall of Shame moment, personally.

Craig: You are a jerk, you’re a liar, and you’re an absolute scumball. If Trump actually sees what does on in these tasks yet still lets you in the Final Four, he’ll make this show an even bigger joke than it already is. How mad was Trump at Alex for taking a nap? Would he blow his stack at you? Nah, because you’re probably a star because your team keeps winning. Shouldn’t you remember how mad you were during the Home Depot challenge? But no, instead of thinking, “Hey, I didn’t like it, maybe I shouldn’t act the same way,” you just turn around and act worse, actually. Out of spite? Kendra actually tried to apologize to you before the challenge, and you turned around and treated her like you did. What an ass.

Perhaps you should look up the word “teamwork” in the dictionary. Look it up after you learn what the word “theme” means. See, most people try to contribute toward the success of their team, not find ways to bring it down. How many times did Kendra need to describe the brochure? And, for that matter, why did she even need to? She was the Project Manger. If the idea was so bad, you should have aired your displeasure in front of George or Carolyn, and let Kendra twist in the wind should you lose. Your drooling all over Kendra and her winning brochure was absolutely sickening. It made me physically ill. You are slime.

I believe I’ve mentioned this before, but I once worked with someone very much like you, whose sole function seemed to be to tear other people down. I’m proud to say that I helped get him fired when I complained about him to a supervisor. The memory still makes me glow with pride. Here’s hoping Kendra gets that same memory next week. Judging from the previews, she will, since you two are getting into a fight and she’s immune, no thanks to you.

Tana: Wow, your stock really took a nosedive in my eyes this week. In a way, your actions were worse than Craig’s. Had you lost, Craig would have had to defend himself in the boardroom and risk being fired. You had nothing to lose by short-timing it and you knew it. You even REMINDED US. Next week, you won’t have immunity. Kendra will. She actually earned it.

You obviously didn’t learn a freaking thing from the Home Depot task. Remember that, when you gave up and whined about going to the boardroom until you realized it was actually a good idea? With no apologies to Craig? Remember? The only difference here is that you had immunity, so we were spared hearing you whine about possibly being fired. For making the SAME MISTAKE twice, you don’t deserve to stick around.

Honestly, how can you justify GOING HOME in the middle of a task and then trying to undercut Kendra in the presentation? You’re lucky Kendra didn’t smack that little fake smirk off your face. I almost regret putting you in the finals now, and I only hope it happens so you can get steamrolled like Jen did last season.

Kendra: I knew it, I knew it, I KNEW IT! You’re my girl! Thank you for finally putting your stamp on this show, and doing it with style. Who stood up for Danny in the first boardroom instead of piling on, instead placing the blame on the real loser, Todd? Who found a great deal on furniture in the hotel task? Who came up with the idea to market the miniature golf to local businesses, WITHOUT Tana as I said last week, but with Erin? (Thanks to reader Stephanie for pointing this out). KENDRA!

What’s really funny to me, you actually explained why we didn’t see you much in the first few weeks. It was your plan, and it tuned out to be a good one. Of course, the intelligent people like myself figured it out a few weeks ago. Again, I have to say: HAH!

My big problem with you this week was that while you did amazingly well on the task you really didn’t show any managerial prowess. Maybe it was editing, but every time someone complained, you really didn’t give them a good answer. Craig would have had to be REALLY thick to not understand the theme of the brochure if you would have explained it to them. In addition, had you put your foot down about Tana and Craig going home to sleep, could they have disobeyed? Just once I’d like to see a contestant fired off a task. Could Kendra have told them where to stick their beauty sleep and done the presentation herself as well? Why not?

In any case, you should be proud beyond all rational thought that the brochure that YOU and YOU ALONE designed is being used by a major car manufacturer in a major launch. If that doesn’t get you a job with Trump, it should at least get you a job with GM.

Net Worth:

Interesting – I don’t remember another episode where NO ONE did very well. All three of you sucked in new and innovative ways. And, obviously, none of you are marketers.

Bren: Yep, your writing was too verbose and dull. You wrote like a lawyer, if you want to know the truth. But you screwed up least because no one else expressed any doubts with the writing, and you were told that the writing was more important than the pictures. In addition, you wanted to have the logo from the dashboard in the brochure, which I agree with 100%. For these two reasons, I figured you were safe.

Alex: I’m shocked you didn’t get fired. Actually, I’m not. All things being equal (such as if Bren were the Project Manager), you probably would have gone home this week. Sacking out for a quick nap isn’t the worst of offenses, but using it as an excuse as to why you didn’t notice a problem with Bren’s writing was just stupid.

Secondly, you didn’t get a picture of the logo, which cost your team in that they were stuck with a plain, uninteresting cover. But then, you know all about plain and uninteresting, don’t you? In the interview phase, the executives will paint you as dull and vanilla, and you’ll be gone.

Chris: Just as I mentioned that winning all the time doesn’t make you a superstar, losing seven tasks in a row doesn’t mean you should automatically be fired. I’m SURE this “losing streak” was the difference between you and Alex taking that long cab ride. True, you were the Project Manager, and you didn’t seem to grasp the concept behind the marketing campaign, but PMs have had worse weeks and stayed on. I dunno, maybe I just like the underdog.

However, you made the call that the writing in the brochure was more important than the pictures, and that was obviously wrong. Just standing there looking at the car, you should have understood that the car would sell itself, it was all about the presentation. This is why you should have been fired, but, as seems to happen routinely, we got no indication of this from the show and only learned about it from the internet extras.

As much as Trump (unfairly, considering the drinking and smoking going on) railed on you for the tobacco habit, I thought it was an incredibly classy move to call you back in and shake your hand.

Personally, I’m really getting tired of the Chris-bashing. I’ll be honest – I don’t know what kind of human being Chris is, but from what I saw on The Apprentice I can tell two things. Chris has the drive, and he has the passion. Those two attributes can either take him very far, or destroy him. I sincerely hope that it does the former, because that is a LOT of potential to waste away. Speaking as someone with anger management problems (and who has been counseled about them at various jobs), GET HELP. You’ll be amazed.

Mike DeGeorge has a Bachelor of Science Degree in Business Management from Christian Brothers University in Memphis, and has almost ten years of management experience. He is also Associate Editor of RNO. Email Mike at mikmaria@charter.net.

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