The Apprentice 3, Episode 8: Got MILF?by Betsy Wasser -- 03/11/2005
As always, the candidates are wondering who is about to get the axe. Tana thinks it’ll be Audrey, but Chris isn’t so sure – John was hit pretty hard in the boardroom. I guess nobody is worried about Angie or Craig. Tana says that without my boyfriend John, Net Worth is in serious trouble. Well, they need not worry – Angie, Craig, and John return to the suite. Chris gives John a big bear hug. In an interview, Chris says that John is like a big brother to him. John says that the team is much stronger now without Audrey. Even though they had a tough boardroom, there will be no hard feelings. The team is confident that they’ll win.
The next morning, Angie is once again the one to answer the Trump Phone. Rhona tells her to have both teams meet Trump in the boardroom, and to choose project managers who have not yet led. Kendra is the only member of Magna who hasn’t been project manager yet, so she takes the helm. She wonders if she should wear pants or a skirt, and we get an extended scene of her buttoning up her blouse. She says in an interview that she wants to prove her worth and to show that she’s not trying to fly under the radar. Her team, she says, will win.
Net Worth is trying to choose a project manager. Both Chris and Craig are candidates, since neither of them has been in charge yet. Angie says in an interview that Craig will be the first to complain about how things are going, yet never volunteers himself. Chris and Craig put their names in a hat, and Chris is the lucky winner.
The teams enter the boardroom, and Tana is sporting a huge flower from her cleavage. I manage to not be distracted by it for long enough to hear Trump say that the two teams are tied at five members each, and it’s time for a corporate restructure. He asks Kendra to eliminate two team members, so she sends Stephanie, then Erin over to Net Worth. Chris boots Tana and Craig.
With the new teams in place, Trump tells them about the challenge. The teams will auction of “an experience” with five different musicians in an 11 minute segment on the Fuse network. The auctions will raise money for the Elizabeth Glaser Pediatric AIDS Foundation. Whichever team raises the most money for the charity will win the task. Although Stephanie is now on Net Worth, because she was the winning project manager last week, she’s still exempt if her team loses.
The new teams greet and hug each other. Tana says that she’s happy to be on Magna with Craig and thinks that Chris will have a tough team to work with now that he’s stuck with the obnoxious Stephanie and Erin.
Net Worth’s musicians are Barenaked Ladies, Gene Simmons, New Found Glory, Simple Plan, and Fat Joe. Chris thinks that Erin and Stephanie should be the ones to close the negotiations, that they’ll have more success if the women ask for things. They agree, though, that John should come with them to negotiate. John says that having “hot chicks” will be a huge advantage for them. Uh-oh. My boyfriend and I are now fighting. Chris says that he and Angie will work on the production of the segment.
The entire Magna team heads over to Fuse. Their musicians are Lil’ Kim, Lil Jon, Moby, Eve, and Jadakiss. Kendra decides that she, Tana, and Craig will meet their first artist, Lil Jon, while Alex and Bren work on production.
My boyfriend John is pleased that he packed his trucker wallet with the big chain so that he doesn’t look like a suit in front of the musicians. He wants to look cool, and figures that the fact that he’s a drummer will help them. In the cab ride to meet New Found Glory, he suggests that the ultimate experience to auction off would be to have the band play at the bidder’s house. Stephanie suggests the opportunity to be an extra in their next video. John blows off the idea and suggests that Erin and Stephanie act giggly and dumb in front of the musicians. Ooh, bad idea, Boyfriend John. I think we should see other people. Stephanie says in an interview that John does not respect women.
It’s time for the Trump Lesson of the Week! This week’s lesson: “Go Big or Go Home.” Trump says that in business, you might as well aim high, or don’t even bother. He cites himself as an ideal client to aim for. And now for the Betsy Lesson of the Week. Every January when you buy a new calendar, take the previous year’s calendar and mark down any birthdays or anniversaries in the new one.
Kendra, Tana, and Craig meet Lil Jon. Tana proves herself to be the whitest woman in American (more than me, and that’s an accomplishment) when she attempts to talk in hip hop slang to Lil Jon. Carolyn about dies laughing watching it happen. Kendra admires Lil Jon’s diamond encrusted “Crunk Cup.” Classy! Craig suggests that the prize be the opportunity to be the bearer of the crunk cup for a day, meet Lil Jon, and appear in one of his videos. Lil Jon likes the idea. Tana says in an interview that she “was down with them,” and that she had fun with it. Kendra thinks that Tana and Craig are doing a great job, so she leaves them to do the negotiating while she rejoins Bren and Alex in the studio. There, Bren says that Craig and Tana will be the on-air talent. He suggests labeling Tana as a “MILF,” (that’s Mom I’d Like To… naughty word, for those of you who didn’t see American Pie) then says that he means it ironically. Hey, she’s not so bad! She’s a little dorky, but in a cute way. Kendra cracks me up by replying, “Okay, just no cucumber.
Over at Net Worth, Chris and Angie look at photos of potential sets. They both love the idea of having it look like a backstage area, since that’s the kind of experience they’re offering. Meanwhile, the rest of the team meets with New Found Glory. Erin tries to talk to the band, but John repeatedly interrupts her. Stephanie and Erin are both pretty mad about it. John suggests the play a gig at someone’s house idea, and George, looking on, is not impressed. He says that he teaches classes in negotiation, and to be successful, you need to start out big. John jokingly offers to sell Erin and Stephanie to New Found Glory, which causes yet another rift in our relationship. I don’t know if John has started seeing other people yet, but I’m sure going to.
Chris calls the team and asks them to try to get the musicians to appear on the show, which is a really good idea. The team meets Barenaked Ladies, and John continues to interrupt Erin. I wonder why Erin didn’t kick his ass for interrupting her before. He pitches the same idea of playing a private concert to them. Tyler, the drummer, says he’ll do it, and John talks about how much he misses playing his drums. Tyler does not look impressed.
Meanwhile, in Magna Land, Tana calls Kendra to say that they’re going to ask Eve to auction off an appearance on her show, along with several other Eve experiences, like lunch. Kendra thinks it’s a great idea, then tells us in an interview that Tana and Craig are going to run all of their plans by her first. They pitch the idea to Eve, who loves it. Next, Tana and Craig meet Jadakiss. Tana wonders aloud to Craig if they should go ahead and ask him for their biggest idea. What the heck! They’ll try it – a trip around the world with Jadakiss. Jadakiss declares, “That’s cool,” and agrees to it. Wow, that’s a good prize. Tana is rocking this. Next, they meet Lil’ Kim, and the two suggest a week on the road with her as the prize. Tana adds, “I know someone would really diggity that.” Despite Tana’s crazy slang, Lil’ Kim agrees to the idea. In an interview, an excited Tana says that she’s busting out all of the techniques she learned selling Mary Kay, and that if she could see makeup to men, she can definitely do this. Tana is really impressing me this week. Finally, the two of them meet with Moby, who is far more sedate than the other musicians they’ve talked to. Tana says in an interview, “This was like black and white – literally!” Moby agrees to donate a week on tour with him, plus the opportunity to appear on stage with him and play a set.
John, Erin, and Stephanie are on their way to meet with Gene Simmons, and John says that he’s going to put on his pimp hat once again to sell the women. Erin doesn’t much appreciate John referring to himself as their pimp, but she’s letting it go for now because she doesn’t want to argue in the middle of a task. You guys, I think maybe I should break up with him. They meet Gene Simmons, and John leads by telling him a story about how much he loved KISS as a kid. Gene is not moved by the anecdote. Gene muses, “What do I like, what do all men like?” Erin wins me over a little bit more by saying, “Football! Just kidding.” Gene says that, of course, he loves women. Stephanie starts to ask what he loves to do with women, then thinks better of it. In an interview, John calls Stephanie a fluffer, and says that was what she was really good at. At with that, I break up with him. Several people thought that last week, John was disrespectful to women. I thought that he was disrespectful to Audrey, which I had no problem with. But it seems like it wasn’t just her. He and I are through. Anyway, John suggests that Gene give away an invitation to his CD release party. Gene asks if that’s big enough, saying that he has a big ego and wants his auction to sell for the most. John thinks it will, simply because it’s Gene. Not good, John – he gave you an opening to go for more, and you didn’t do it.
Next, Erin, Stephanie, and my ex-boyfriend John meet with Fat Joe. John continues his trend of interrupting the women and talking about himself. Finally, they meet with Simple Plan and John trots out the play at a party idea. The band asks if that’s a unique prize. It’s totally not, since that seems to be what John suggested for just about everybody else, but instead he says that they’d be happy with just anything. Well, if you’re aiming low, maybe they could just give you a t-shirt. We are so broken up. Stephanie says in an interview that all of John’s ideas for experiences to auction off were boring.
Magna gets ready for their segment. Tana gets all dolled up and declares, “I’ll tell you one thing, I’m a MILF in Iowa.” She then translates MILF as “Mom I’d Like to Fool Around With,” which is an adorable PG-rated version of the truth. She and Craig go on the air, and they repeatedly flash MILF with an arrow pointing to Tana. Tana continues to try out that newfangled slang the kids are all using. Trump watches the whole thing on TV, and in masterful understatement, says, “Tana has changed drastically.” He admires her effort, though, because this is not her world and she’s doing her best. Indeed, Tana is absolutely adorable and seems to be performing well. In the control room, Kendra says that the week long experiences are selling really well. She’s not sure if they’re going to win, but she’s hopeful.
Erin and Chris will appear on the air for Net Worth. Erin says she’s not worried at all about handling herself on TV, and just as I start to think about how terrible Erin was on QVC last season, Erin shows that she’s relaxed and comfortable on screen. Trump watches and comments that she’s really good. Tyler from Barenaked Ladies appears on the show, then Gene Simmons comes out. Angie thinks that the show went really well.
Trump, George, and Carolyn arrive at the studio to give out the results. George reports that Net Worth raised $11,325. Carolyn reveals that a couple of Magna’s auctions had really low bids, but the Moby and Lil’ Kim packages sold for over $19,000. Magna raised a total of $21,654 and wins big. Trump congratulates both teams and tells them that raising so much money for charity is reward enough. It’s a reward for the viewers too, since the reward segments of the show are almost always boring.
Back in the suite, John says that so far, the firings on his team have been totally justified. He tells Erin and Stephanie that he knows he’ll be at risk, since the packages were all his ideas. Erin says in an interview that since John is a musician, he should have done a much better job of negotiating with other musicians. Chris and John talk alone. They agree that the women will gang up on John. John says in an interview that Trump will either fire him, the guy who came up with all of the ideas, or Chris, who he says contributed nothing. John adds that he’s been a leader. He thinks that firing either him or Chris would be a loss to the team. In an interview, Angie says that Chris and John have an interesting dynamic since they’re so close. She thinks it’s possible that Chris will sacrifice himself to save John. Chris says in an interview that he and John have agreed that although they’re friends, if they have to, they’ll go after each other.
The team heads to the boardroom. Angie says that Chris was a good leader, and adds that he was also good on TV. Trump agrees that Chris was “surprisingly cool,” and adds that Erin was a terrific deejay. He then asks John why the team lost. John says it was luck of the draw, which is never a good answer. Carolyn says that they lost because the other team came up with much better experiences to auction off. George adds that whichever team negotiated the best packages would win the task, so why did Chris delegate it? Chris thinks that the production of the show was just as important, and he sent John because he thought he’d do a good job. He thinks John did well, but obviously it wasn’t good enough. George adds, “You didn’t push it.” Trump then teases George, asking if he knew before the task who Fat Joe was. Right, like Trump has a Fat Joe CD in his limo.
John admits that the ideas for the packages were all his. George asks why he didn’t aim higher, adding that Gene Simmons especially seemed receptive to it. Erin says that instead of letting these celebrities talk about themselves, John talked about himself much of the time. John disagrees, saying that he gave three minute quips for each one to warm up the room. Trump asks Erin if John has the “It Factor,” and she says no. Unfortunately, Erin adds, John dominated the conversations. John asks why, if he did such a bad job, didn’t she object. Why did she and Stephanie high five him after the meetings if they went so poorly? It’s a good point.
Trump asks again how Chris did. Angie says that he delegated well. Trump teases him again about the chewing tobacco and says he needs to get Chris to quit. Then, he asks Chris who he’s bringing to the boardroom. Chris chooses my ex-boyfriend John and Erin. Why Erin? Chris says he doesn’t have much of a choice – Stephanie is exempt and Angie did a great job.
After the three leave, Carolyn says that John failed in the negotiations, but Chris could have managed the team better. George is disturbed that Chris delegated such an important task.
Trump sends them back in. John says he was the only one who offered any ideas. If his ideas were so weak, the rest of the team should have said something. He asks Trump who is at fault – the person who came up with the best ideas, or those with no ideas. Man, I really thought my ex-boyfriend was doomed, but he’s fighting pretty well for himself. Erin says again that John just didn’t interact well with the celebrities. She says that she was impressed with Chris despite the fact that the team lost.
George asks Chris why he didn’t handle the negotiating. Chris says he trusted the team. George wonders if that’s the truth, or if Chris was just staying out of the line of fire. George is a sharp cookie. Chris gets defensive (as he is wont to do) and says that he is the best negotiator there. Yeah, keep talking, Chris, and you’re going to negotiate yourself a trip home. Carolyn asks why, if Chris is the best negotiator, he put John in charge. Chris thought John was good enough. Carolyn hammers home that if negotiating was so important, Chris shouldn’t have sent the second best person to do it. Chris keeps arguing, and George tells him not to raise his voice. Man, if Chris doesn’t get fired this week, when he does get fired, his tendency to lose his composure in the boardroom is going to be a contributing factor.
Chris calms down and says that the production was just as important as the negotiating. If they didn’t produce a segment that people wanted to watch, they wouldn’t get any bids at all. It’s a good point. Trump asks if he could have done both the negotiating and the production. Chris says no, that it would have been too much to take on, and Erin quickly agrees. John thinks so, too. Trump then tells Erin that she’s not likely to be fired unless she talks too much, so Erin wisely keeps her mouth shut.
Finally, Trump breaks it down. Chris delegated, but didn’t manage. But John was a terrible negotiator, which lost the task for the team. John is fired. Man, what a bad night for him. First I dump him, then he gets fired. Unfortunately, he deserves both.
In his cab ride home, John says that it was between him and Chris for the firing. He says that because he put himself in the line of fire so much, he was bound to either win or get burned. I’m pretty sure at the end he said something about how he hopes we can still be friends, but that got cut off at the end. So long, John.
Betsy Wasser is the Associate Editor of Reality News Online. She can be reached with any comments at BetsyW42@hotmail.com .