Dancing with the Stars 4, April 3: Mass Confusion

Monday on Dancing with the Stars, the couples took on the jive and tango; Yoko, the wonder dog, hid when Joey pulled out his light saber; Carrie Ann said, “Balls” (tee hee).

Tonight’s show features performances from Josh Groban, Ciara, and Survivor, and another dance lesson from Jimmy Kimmel. Oh, and don’t forget why we’re really here; one more couple will be eliminated from the program.

Tom and Samantha welcome us to the show. Tom uses a line similar to the one I used above to remind us why we’re watching the show. Hey, now: I work alone.

Next, Tom and Samantha review the current standings. I’ve also decided at this point to add my own rankings to the board each week. Many of my regular readers share their standings with me, so I thought I’d do the same. Also, this shows you how much my opinion differs from the judges.

Len tells us that he, Bruno, and Carrie Ann selected Kym and Joey for tonight’s encore performance. Here comes the light saber; run, Yoko, run! While a part of me would be flattered to be asked to re-do my routine, another part of me would feel like saying, “Um, I did it once and now I’ve forgotten it. Can you get Maksim back out on the dance floor, please?” Anyway, once again, Kym and Joey do a great job; I guess they aren’t slacking the way I would.

It’s time now for Ciara to perform “Like a Boy.” I feel “like a burrito.” What is it about this show that makes me hungry? In any case, Ciara and a group of similarly cute girls sing and dance in button down shirts, ties, and heels.

Samantha talks to Ian and Cheryl about their misstep, which viewers missed because of poor camera work. (We saw a shot of it tonight though.) She then talks to Laila and Maksim about breaking their hold during the tango last evening. The responses are what you would expect – cordial and warm.

The audience is set with its comments; this is always fun. A few women shake their butts like Ian did last night. Deborah Gibson even puts her two cents in. I remember when she was Debbie; I suddenly feel old.

Tom and Samantha tell us that the first returning couple is Kym and Joey. Next, they reveal that Julianne and Apolo are also safe.

The professionals are performing the paso doble to Survivor’s “Eye of the Tiger.” Feel free to sing along. As you can imagine, the pros do a great job. Tom explains that some of the couples will do the paso doble next week, so I hope everyone is paying attention to how crisp and sharp the dancers’ moves are.

Tom pushes the Dancing with the Stars cardio dance workout DVD. Whew. I’m exhausted just saying the title. I’ll have to check out the DVD later on to see if I should purchase it and let it sit on the shelf with all of the other exercise videos I’ve bought. [Associate Editor’s Note – It has Maksim. I predict a best-seller. Then again, I’m almost sold on it because Ashly’s in it.]

Samantha interviews the “safe” couples. Joey tells her that he wants to wow the crowd. Apolo compares dancing to speed skating and sliding by when someone falls.

Jimmy Kimmel is back to explain the paso doble with his parking lot attendant Guillermo. The exchange is painful, but it gets worse when Tom says that Guillermo is hot.

Josh now sings “So She Dances” for us while Julianne and Tony perform. The routine is elegant and graceful.

A numerologist and a clairvoyant tell us who they feel will win the disco ball trophy. Let me summarize this for you: yadda yadda yadda. What it boils down to is that Laila is matched to all of the previous winners and Ian has purple energy, which is similar to other successful individuals such as CEOs and key political figures.

Personally, I think we’re all winners.

Tom is ready to tell us who else is moving on in the competition… Karina and Billy Ray are safe. Samantha very lackadaisically says that Laila and Maksim are also moving on to week four. Now Tom reveals that the first couple in the bottom two is Shandi and Brian.

Samantha dances when the show goes to or returns from commercial. She’s really annoying me tonight. [Associate Editor’s Note – She needs to slap whoever chose that dress. Attention women! Horizontal necklines are NOT flattering!]

The stars talk about how stressful the elimination ceremony is. Billy Ray and Ian are quite cute with their thoughts.

Out of nowhere, Tom gets down to business and says that Cheryl and Ian are moving on in the competition. It’s about time we get to the good stuff.

Tom and Samantha say things such as, “The judges hated you, but I didn’t. I wear a size eight shoe. Did the audience enjoy your dancing or not? I believe they did!” The couple they are referring to has no idea if they are staying or going. This happens with Edyta and John; they’re as confused as the rest of the world, but pleased when they finally figure out they are safe.

Next, Tom tells Heather and Jonathan that they too are safe. Once again, Heather and Jonathan have no idea what is going on.

Tom and Samantha also reveal that Elena and Clyde are safe. That means that Leeza and Tony are joining Shandi and Brian in the bottom two.

After the commercial break, Tom informs us that the second couple eliminated from the show is Shandi and Brian. Tom asks Shandi what she’s going to miss the most about the competition, but since so much of the hour was spent on filler, she doesn’t really have a chance to answer.

Just like that, Shandi and Brian are gone… finished… kaput. What does this mean for the rest of the competition? Join me each and every week to find out… if you’re ballsy enough (tee hee).

Jill is an east coast mama who loves sharks, zombie movies, and reality television. She welcomes your comments about these and other subjects, and can be reached at jilljones@verizon.net.

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