America’s Next Top Model 9, Episode 5: Gargoyles We Have Heard On High

Okay, so last week, the girls finally had their makeovers. This brought joy for some, but tears for others. Ebony lost her free weave and Bianca lost all her hair in general! The photo shoot had the girls in full bloom, but Victoria and Saleisha just didn’t step it up. Victoria’s attitude in front of the judges sealed the deal, and she was sent home. Ten girls are left, let’s see who is going home tonight!

On the way home from elimination, Saleisha says that she never wants to be in the bottom two again – it’s time to wow the judges. Janet complains that the house is filthy and they should be honored to live there and not make it a pig sty. Jenah adds to this and says that although Janet acts like the mom of the house, it’s a bit annoying. Janet admits to the camera that she’s nagging, but she has to stay focused since she’s not the tallest girl there and is a bit curvy.

Outside the house, Heather actually sits and critiques the other girls. She says that Janet has a nice body, and Ebony really needs some work. She’s judging everyone and tells Bianca that she needs to pull emotion into her shoot. When asked what SHE needs to change, Heather says that she knows her body is awkward.

Ambreal sings to the girls and tells the camera that she has a genuine personality. She knows she is high on the list to winning and that it’s her time to shine. Things are finally happening for her and she couldn’t be happier.

Lisa tells Sarah that she had it all in the beginning, but has been having problems now that she knows she has to fix. She’s dropping in the ranks and knows that it matters. Sarah just comments to the camera that Lisa is a Debbie Downer an it’s annoying. Can I state how much her new look annoys me? She looks like a lesbian!

Tyra mail instructs the girls that it’s time to set back the clocks, which makes no sense when they arrive at a gymnastics hall the next day. Benny Ninja is waiting for them, which makes me happy. He should totally be a judge instead of Twiggy! He tells the girls that he’ll be teaching them posing today, with movement! They will convey emotion in the air and he’ll show them how to “hit a look.”

Janet gives it a good try but Benny says that she had a hard time. The other girls are all over the place though, and Jenah falls of the trampoline. Ebony is ridiculous as usual and Heather is… Heather. I feel like I’m watching America’s Funniest Home Videos. Ambreal is great though, and Chantal remarks that you can learn a lot from Ambreal. Ambreal says that she went through dance classes and has an edge. Lisa thinks the whole thing is scary and Chantal comments that Lisa isn’t trying. Benny ends the lesson and reminds the girls to have their body follow their face.

At the house that night, the girls streak. Sarah and Jenah jump in to the pool nude, while Janet is practicing her runway walk in the house. She feels a little more mature than the other girls, but knows that she needs to work on her flow to stick around.

The next day, the girls arrive at the ice skating rink. Benny is there to greet them and quickly says that they will be posing on the ice. Of course, the girls are terrified. They won’t be judged on their skating, but on their posing. Champion doubles skater Lloyd Eisler will be holding the girls, and they will each be given emotions to convey by Benny. Fashion experts are there to judge them, including an editor chick from Seventeen magazine and Danielle, winner of ANTM Cycle 6! Love her. Danielle says that they girls should just have fun but remember to pose. Yeah, great advice. Editor hick says that they will make it or break it. Perfect! Where did they find this woman?

Janet is up first, as usual. She is told to do “anger” and she looks confused. Jenah does a good job with “sorrow” and Bianca’s “joy” impresses the editor – she loves Bianca’s smile. Heather can’t work her body and actually almost falls. Lisa doesn’t want to be nervous and Bianca thinks that Lisa looks cheesy. Editor lady loves her though. Ebony is just crazy – I swear she cracks me up. She has no clue what is going on!

Ambreal exaggerates her posing and thinks it is what Benny wants. However, when it’s over, Ambreal is the first girl judged when Benny tells her that she gave too much. Lisa is told that she was focused and hit the mark, while Janet got lost with her eyes. Heather looked nervous and Bianca was committed. Ebony was just corny – I loved her though! The winner of the competition will be posing in an ad for Akademiks in Seventeen magazine with Danielle the next day, and the winner is… Lisa! What? Really? I’m actually a little shocked. Benny loved her and says she can choose two friends – she chooses Janet and Ebony.

On the way back to the house, Lisa says she is happy and Sarah comments that Lisa sucked. Ambreal is a little irritated and it shows when she gets home. She tells the camera that she feels she did so well, but is told that she did too much.

The next day, the girls do their photo shoot with Danielle. Janet looks like she is Hispanic! Danielle thinks that Lisa did great and I have to say that she looks amazing. I’m really losing taste for Lisa for some reason, and I’m not sure why!

At the house, the girls complain. However, when Lisa and company get home, they are all smiles. Of course, the outside girls are fake, and Bianca tries to hate on Lisa. Lisa, being Lisa, thinks that it’s jealousy. Then she goes and slinks into a corner. Tyra mail does arrive though, and tells the girls that when you are on top, never look down! Everyone is nervous and scared that they will be jumping out of planes. Yeah, because that’s so haute couture! Geeze. Ambreal has a fear of heights, but will do what she has to. Janet knows that she has to improve, and works with Ambreal on her posing. She needs more angles and is working on it.

The next morning the girls arrive at the Omni Hotel in downtown LA, and meet up with Jay Manual on the roof. Ambreal is crying as she gets on the roof and says she can’t help what she’s scared of. Jay tells them all that they will be high fashion gargoyles, posing on a platform that will give the illusion that they are on the edge. Ooh, I like it!

Heather is up first, and she knows she has to give a good picture. Jay thinks that she is giving way too much profile, but when the shoot is over, he says that he likes it. Jenah says that she loves the rush of it all, even though she is scared of heights, but Jay thinks that she is doing a good job. Isn’t this the girl that said she was always climbing something as a kid a few weeks ago? I give up!

Sarah is all over the place and Jay doesn’t like her shoot at all. Janet is up next and she knows that this shoot could make or break her. She’s hoping to be really on, and not just lucky. I like it, but Jay isn’t convinced that Janet could turn it out on her own.

Saleisha was scared because of her last shoot, and thinks that this time she is being a bit too “men’s magazine.” Wouldn’t that be like, Playboy? Chantal says that she is excited and sounds like she has marbles in her mouth. Jay is quite pleased with her photo this week, so she’s not going home this week.

Bianca turns it out and Jay thinks that she has finally found her groove. Lisa goes next and she’s queening out over something as usual. I don’t even think she knows why. Anyway, she starts out slow but does let go. Jay tells her to just stop thinking of the shoot, and that’s when she seems to do better.

Ambreal is assured by Jay that she is safe. She wants to man up and do well, but she’s still scared. I can tell she is doing the same face she always does and Jay isn’t happy. Ebony walks on set next and acts real bored, even replying “I’m fine” to Jay’s “Hey girl, how you doing?” She begins her shoot and Jay just doesn’t understand how she does so well when the camera is on her. He’s at a loss for words, which makes me happy.

The shoot wraps and the girls go home. They get Tyra mail that says they will meet with the judges tomorrow. Janet thinks that she did well in the shoot, but she is really interested to see her photo. Lisa has a goal to get called first and show she’s a contender, while Ambreal is nervous and knows that she defeated herself. She just doesn’t want to be the fourth girl to leave.

In walk the girls to panel and the judges are waiting. Tyra reminds them all of the prizes and introduces the judges. The guest judge is Benny Ninja, and I’m queening out like Lisa at the photo shoot. Love him. First, we’ll do individual evaluations, and Ebony is up first.

Ebony casually strolls up and the judges look at her photo. Tyra thinks it’s stunning and Nigel says it’s weird, but it works. Tyra then asks Ebony if she cares to smile, and Ebony says she doesn’t because she thinks her gums are too big. Tyra then goes off on showing Ebony how to smile without showing her gums. I love this. She calls it “smile versatility.” I really only know versatile in another context, but that’s for another time!

Chantal is up next and they love her legs in the photo. Twiggy goes as far as to call her high fashion. Wow, a comment from Twiggy? Ambreal is next and her photo is compared to a “fashion robot” by Nigel. Benny thinks that her pose is too twisted and Tyra can tell she is uncomfortable.

Sarah is next and resembles nothing of a gargoyle. Nigel says it’s not what they asked for and Twiggy adds that the client would not use or book her because of it. Bianca is loved by the judges and Nigel thinks her photo is one of the most dramatic and best of the week. I’d actually have to agree. Tyra adds that Bianca is finally invested in this.

Twiggy thinks that Janet’s face is too intense, while her body looks small and compact. Janet brings up her underwear showing and is told not to worry about it, since it can be airbrushed. Lisa steps forward and the judges love her shape and body. Tyra asks her if she is sad and Lisa brings up that the other girls are separating her. Tyra, being the mother that she is, tells Lisa not to dull herself for someone else. Sing it, sister!

Heather is told that she needs more confidence and Nigel wants to see a photo of her where she isn’t showing a profile. They know it’s Heather’s comfort zone, but it’s time to break away from that. Jenah looks great in her photo, but her personal appearance is a train wreck. The judges aren’t happy with it and think she really needs to be more polished. I agree – she looks like a cracked out tranny!

Finally, Saleisha. Nigel likes her picture and Benny thinks it’s very hip-hop. He wants her pose to be more high fashion, but Tyra thinks that her performance was pushed – she likes it. Now, it’s time to deliberate, and here’s what the judges had to say:

Ebony is changing but is being two people. This will be the last time they tell her to shape up the attitude.

Chantal has something, but really needs to tone it down and be less sexy.

Ambreal isn’t being high fashion, says Ms. J. Benny agrees, but then says that he’s going to “vogue deliciously” and I have no clue what it means, but I start doing it too.

Sarah doesn’t please Nigel and he’s extra irritated that she missed the point completely.

Bianca really sold it and Twiggy is finally happy with her.

Janet is not a model to Twiggy and she can’t really see her making it in the industry. Well, Twiggy is back to being a bitch.

Lisa is a favorite to everyone but they really want her to get her confidence up and realize how good she really is.

Heather has to show another side and stop with the profile shots.

Jenah looks great, but is raggedy in judging. I figured out why. They give these girls weaves (like Jenah and Brittany from last season), that have no clue how to take care of them. In conclusion, no more weaves for the white girls!

Saleisha is giving the face, and Twiggy knows that she has the potential. Tyra loves that she is showing confidence.

The girls walk back in. Tyra says she has ten girls but only nine photos, and the first one is going to… Lisa. I wish I was happy. Lisa looks shocked, and as she takes her photo, Tyra tells her she was the strongest this week, but needs to work on her confidence. Bianca is called next and Tyra tells her that her eyes look great.

Ebony is called and she actually smiles. She’s followed by Chantal, Jenah, Saleisha, Heather and Sarah, who was hyperventilating. Janet and Ambreal, as the bottom two, step forward. Tyra says the judges look at them and see two beautiful women, but don’t see two beautiful models. One has an athletic body, but needs to be coached so much just to get one shot. The other is long and lean, but her photos are getting worse, not better. The last girl called is… Ambreal! Tyra tells Ambreal that she can’t let her fears get in the way of her dreams. Janet is given a hug and then kicked out the door.

She gives the girls their hugs and then heads on out. She wanted to do this for so long, and knows that there’s a place for her in the industry, but in the meantime, the girls are going to be lost without her to clean up for them. Good – let them live in their own filth!

Next week, Jay is at the end of his rope with one of the girls during the photo shoot. The house also gets a gentleman caller, and if it’s Ms. J., I’ll lose my mind. Here’s how I’m ranking them at this point:

Bianca
Lisa
Heather
Saleisha
Jenah
Chantal
Sarah
Ebony
Ambreal

Phil Kural is an office manager at a dental office, and graduated from Temple University with a degree in journalism. You can send feedback to him at pkural@gmail.com.

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