During Sunday Night Heat, Al Snow made sure to tell us not to miss "The Bread Incident" on Tough Enough this week. He also says that this was his favorite week of the show. Does this mean we might finally be rid of Darryl? Or does someone (hopefully Greg) just beat him senseless, leaving nothing but stinky shorts and a goofy hat? Let’s find out together!
I hope everyone listened to me last week and watched Sunday Night Heat. Sunday, Al Snow became the color commentator for the show, and did not disappoint in his first outing. I highly recommend watching Heat again this Sunday night, although since there is a Pay-Per-View telecast Sunday, Al’s role will be more limited. The WWF has confirmed that he will be on the show for the foreseeable future, so make sure you catch it.
Speaking of Al (since I’m sure he’s reading this), I’d like to wish him a Happy Birthday. Al celebrated his birthday Wednesday, July 18. Here’s hoping he spent the day with his family in Lima, Ohio. Perhaps someday Lima will hold a parade in his honor, and I hope that Beanie, the official mascot of Lima, will be there to pay his respects to Al. No, I’m not kidding. Anyway, HAPPY BIRTHDAY AL!
Recommended website of the week: www.howstuffworks.com. I really shouldn’t have to explain to you what this site is about. But it’s extremely cool, and the amount of articles already archived is simply mind-boggling. Check it out.
Finally, thanks again to everyone who responded to my question of whether you are a reality TV fan, a wrestling fan, both, or neither. Nearly everyone who responded was a wrestling fan, which was interesting because I thought we’d get a bigger reality audience. It was split pretty much 50/50 between loving and hating reality shows, though, with the general opinion being that the show is spending WAY too much time on the reality aspect and not enough time on the wrestling. Watch this page this weekend, as I plan to write a First Quarter Analysis on the series so far, and go into these issues in more detail.
Oh, and a “Sonia DeGeorge” provides our best analysis to date: “I read this stuff because my son writes it.” There you go, folks. How can you possibly argue with that?
We start at Trax where the contestants are practicing the running fall. Al asks Chris “Ritalin Boy” to calm down a bit. Paulina expresses doubt that she’s doing very well. She doesn’t feel 100% so she doesn’t think she can give 100%. Shadrick isn’t doing it right. In fact, Al tells him he looks like “a drive-by shooting victim.”
But they’re all infinitely better than Darryl. He just seems to gently fall over, as if he were an old man. Harvard Chris thinks that Darryl’s picked up the least of everybody, and I tend to agree with him. All Al can do is shake his head (his own head, not Head) sadly. For what it’s worth, Darryl is still confident about his chances.
Guess who’s coming to dinner? Why, it’s Pat Patterson! Pat is a legendary WWF wrestler, the first Intercontinental Champion (a secondary title considered just below the World Title, usually given to “future stars” who aren’t considered main-event material yet) and still a WWF employee. On camera, he plays evil owner Vince McMahon’s “stooge” along with Gerald Brisco. Behind the scenes, he is well-respected and is considered a key contributor to the overall WWF product, since he takes on many different backstage roles.
Instead of going to a restaurant, the contestants are given $100 and told to make lunch for Pat. Taylor, Harvard Chris, Nidia, and Maven go to the grocery store and buy a TON of food. Chris says they want to impress him, and they start by spending $184.61. Wow. Chris pays the overage out of his pocket, and the other three agree that the rest of the house will split it and pay Chris back. Nobody else has any problem with that (sing it with me) except Darryl.
That’s just low-class. I mean, I can kind of see Darryl’s point in that he didn’t get any say in the decision. On the other hand, it’s EIGHT BUCKS, and you’re getting free room and board from the WWF to get a chance to become a wrestler. I’d pay eight bucks PER DAY to be trained by Tazz and Al Snow and stay in a huge house with a hot tub. Besides, I’m sure the trainers can see what goes on in the house, and I highly doubt that this is doing anything to impress anybody, Darryl.
Anyway, Darryl complains that Chris should pay because it was Chris’ decision. He doesn’t have a personal problem with Chris, but Chris sure has a personal problem with Darryl. Join the club, pal. Josh gets off the greatest line so far: “Watching them fight was like watching two women fight over a hairbrush.” Catty.
So Pat comes to lunch and tells his story about coming to Boston from Montreal with $20 in his pocket and speaking one word of English. He tells them how he set up rings and did whatever he had to do to get into the business, and here he is. They’re really hammering home the fact that these guys are getting a swell opportunity, aren’t they? Taylor asks a bunch of questions and people call her a butt-kisser and needy.
Back at Trax, Shadrick lacks confidence – he doesn’t feel comfortable in the ring at all, and we are shown some awful flip-bumps to illustrate. He doesn’t want to go home as a failure after raising his expectations. Paulina can’t seem to take a good bump, and she’s getting frustrated. But the important thing is that she’s not quitting, as I mentioned last week. Shadrick and Paulina aren’t doing well, and they know it. They’re working on it. And on the other side of the coin…
They show clips of Chris giving hip-tosses to a number of people, all of which look fine…except for Darryl. Seeing a pattern here? Al puts his head (HIS…aw, nevermind) in his hands and pulls Darryl aside. He chews him up for being sloppy. He’s going to hurt himself or someone else. If he can’t get it right he’s going to have to stand and watch until Al thinks he’s ready. Right now, he’s not even close, “not even in the same ballpark, not even on the same {doggone} street!”
Darryl, of course, still thinks he can win, but right now he’s not winning. His words, folks. It’s still his to lose. Amazing. On the way home, Darryl whines that his neck hurts. Everyone else should have given him more of a boost to flip him over since he’s bigger. Forget about that fact that the guy being flipped is supposed to jump, it’s everyone else’s fault.
Shadrick tells Darryl he understands how difficult it must be for someone his size. Darryl seems to think everyone else is jealous of his size, because they realize he has an advantage in the WWF, “land of the giants.” Yeah, giants like Paul Wight (The Big Show) and Mark Henry who are both MUCH bigger than Darryl, and are sitting on the sidelines because they absolutely suck as wrestlers. Are those the giants you were talking about, big man?
Big John is upset because his house is messy. He complains that it shows a lack of respect, not keeping his house (the house they’re staying in) tidy like he asks. Then, completely changing direction, he asks who wants to go out tonight.
Darryl, Maven, Josh, Big, and Greg go to a bar, where they play a game of darts. They make a bet, whoever loses the game owes all four winners 10 pushups each. As he does the pushups, he has to say “I’m {whoever’s} bitch.” And as we all hoped and prayed, Darryl LOSES. Maven immediately makes Darryl do his first one, right there in the bar. Big says that if Darryl refuses to do a pushup, he’s automatically out of the house. Oh, this is going to be GLORIOUS. On the way home, the guys all offer to take two pushups off the total if Darryl runs all the way up the driveway. Tremendous.
At home, Taylor talks about what a bad situation she was in before coming to Tough Enough. She was as unhappy as she’s ever been. We don’t get any details, but we know she doesn’t have a job, she quit school, and she doesn’t get along with her parents. She is shown talking to her dad on the phone, and he reassures her with, “I just don’t see you as a wrestler.” Thataway to cheer her up, pops! It’s a complete mystery as to why she’s so unhappy with love like that!
The next day, Big John graciously awards all his pushups to AL! He promises to savor them. Al also announces that tomorrow, the next chair will join the graveyard. The time is NOW to show what they’re made of.
I’m not sure if Shadrick misunderstands Al’s announcement, because as they work out, Shadrick doesn’t quite make it to the men’s room in time and pukes on the floor. Lovely. Well, at least Al now knows what Shadrick’s made of, right? Anyway, Shadrick tells us it’s more stress than anything else.
Darryl points out that the WWF wants someone that they can actually put in the ring and wrestle. He’s so clueless he doesn’t realize he’s talking about the exact reason that he won’t make it. He does think his “presence” will be an advantage. Unless he thinks his stink will knock out his opponents, I don’t see how. Josh feels that they’ll be more willing to work with him because of his size. No, that’s true of Paulina, but add in Darryl’s attitude and he becomes a liability.
Then, the gloriousness: for a couple minutes, they show clips of the in-ring workout, interrupted every few minutes by “I’m Al Snow’s bitch!” Classic. If anyone out there can make audio clips of this, especially the one where he says “I…am Al Snow’s…biiiiiiiiiiitch!,” please, PLEASE send it to me.
Later that day, the trainers and John gather to choose who will be cut. John shows pictures to the trainers, and they comment. Tazz: “Shadrick looks like he should be a good athlete but he’s got two left feet.” “Paulina is a sweet girl, she’s just clumsy. All heart.” Al: “Josh has a true passion.” I think Al sees a little of himself in Josh. Tazz: “Darryl is lazy, tired, bitchy, moaning…” Don’t hold back, tell us how you really feel!
Meanwhile, the rest of the guys agree to wipe out the pushups Darryl owes them if he’ll do a stunt. They want him to go into the supermarket, grab a loaf of bread, whip his shirt off, run to the cashier, do some football cadences, and spike the football. He does it. Greg and Chris are in hysterics, and Maven, the ringleader, is literally rolling on the floor.
I simply cannot do this justice. You MUST go to the Tough Enough page, go under “Episodes” and watch the footage. Absolutely hilarious.
Cut down day. The contestants are to go to their lockers. There is a red tag inside someone’s locker. That person has been cut and must leave the island imme…no, wait. That person has been cut. They all look in their lockers, and shock of shocks, DARRYL has been cut. Don’t let the door hitcha where the Good Lord splitcha, Darryl! As they say goodbye, Harvard Chris almost has to keep from laughing.
Darryl is confused and lost. He never thought he would be the first one cut. No way. He walked away from a lot to be here, and now he’s going back to a blank canvas. As a personal aside, if this was so important, don’t you think you should have TRIED a little harder? Now he’s got to get a job or go back to school. My heart aches, it really does. Darryl tells us that your true character is revealed when you go through a challenge like this. If that’s true (and, for once, I agree with Darryl) then he came up really short in the character department. Darryl, clueless to the end. I wonder if he still thinks he should have won?
Al Snow “adds another tombstone to the graveyard. Darryl was OBVIOUSLY not Tough Enough!”
NEXT WEEK: Someone gets cut, someone dresses in drag, and something makes Jackie cry. Awww.
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