The Celebrity Apprentice 5, Episode 7, Part 2: I’m Gonna Walk Like a Man, Fast As I Can

Have you read Part 1 of my recap of this week’s episode? If not, I recommend you do so. I’ll wait…

Picking up where we left off, we’re now in the stew suite, the teams discuss who’s leaving, and Dee again says Teresa is fired for not picking Aubrey. Guess who takes offense to that for no good reason? Aubrey calls it an ugly comment, and rails on Dee saying they all know he wants her to go home and he can say it to her face, and calling him “Shady Eyes.”

Dee claims he doesn’t want to send her home, and Aubrey says something about Dee kissing her ass, which he denies (what was she talking about, anyway?) and she claims she’s heard everything he’s had to say, which is kind of impossible unless the crew has been telling her. Dee says he’ll talk [bleep] about her to her face, and Lisa is confused as to what’s going on as Aubrey says, “He’s so phony, I can’t stand phony people.”

Man, hearing that from her is like hearing Betty White say she hates old people. Why did that get her so angry, anyway?

Arsenio interviews that Aubrey plays this game well, and she’s the ultimate troublemaker. He thanks God he doesn’t have to be on a team with her, because he wants to part of her. “Keep her over in that other room. Lock the door, throw away the key.” Foreshadowing alert!

Lisa is still confused as to what happened, and Clay and Dee go off on her for trying to stir up [bleep] like she always does, but this time on their team, because she’s done it enough on the women’s team. Dee tells us she’s a vixen who uses her “womanliness” to her advantage when she can, and he can see her tail and horns. He seems to know what’s coming too, as he relays the old adage that “Age and ruthlessness will always beat youth and enthusiasm. So, you know, bring it, kid.” That foreshadowing alert is off the charts.

Lisa and Aubrey complain about Dayana some more and hope she goes home, and in walks Teresa, followed by Dayana. Aubrey lets out an irritating shriek of happiness, until she sees that Debbie is gone, and Dayana looks way too smug about it. Lisa interviews that God must have it in for her because she’s stuck with “these two numbnuts bitches once again, who wouldn’t have an idea if it hit them in the face.” I’m gonna go ahead and say that Teresa’s plan to unify the team didn’t pan out the way she had hoped—just a guess.

Dayana explains that Debbie was fired because she raised the least amount of money. Clay points out that Aubrey would have been fired in that case, and Dayana says Aubrey was mentioned at the table several times, and how it wasn’t a smart decision from the Project Manager. That sets Teresa off, and they bicker some more while Arsenio asks for some popcorn. Lisa says she feels bad for everyone tomorrow. Hey, what about those of us who have to sit through another hour and a half of this show?

Dee is in a hospital meeting with a couple whose baby was born prematurely. The woman reveals they’ve been there 89 days, and tells Dee they spent 116 days in the hospital with their son after he was born. She says their son weighed one pound and eight ounces and their daughter is one pound twelve ounces. Wow, I don’t even have kids and that’s heartbreaking.

Anyway, Dee presents a representative from the March of Dimes (who really does seem surprised, and I don’t think she’s faking it) with the big fat check for $325,000. Needless to say, she’s grateful.

The teams gather; Trump walks in and tells the women that they’ve lost five out of seven tasks, like they didn’t already know that. He asks Lisa for her opinion, and she says it’s sad but they’ll win the next one, but Trump says they may not get the chance. The suspense builds as he says he’s going to switch up the teams!

Aubrey likes the idea, while Arsenio looks skyward as if wishing to be struck by lightning. But Trump tells Aubrey he has to break up her and Lisa, and suddenly she’s not so keen on the idea anymore. So Teresa and Aubrey are going to Unanimous, while Lou, Penn, and Dee are joining Forte. After that last bit of trouble, he didn’t put Aubrey and Dee on the same team? I’m shocked. Oh well, maybe we’ll get that long-awaited Clay vs. Aubrey showdown now.

So in case you need a refresher, Unanimous is now Arsenio, Clay, Paul, Aubrey, and Teresa. Forte is Lisa, Lou, Dayana, Penn, and Dee. Everybody got that? Arsenio shows how thrilled he is as he collapses to the floor, and Don laughs at him to “Have fun, Arsenio!” Arsenio interviews that he knows Aubrey is going to be dropping banana peels everywhere he walks.

Trump asks Lou how he feels about his new team, and Lou says he’s been married 31 years so he can tolerate women. This gets a good laugh. Boy, Mrs. Ferrigno is one lucky lady. Dayana tells us she’s happy with her new team, and if Lisa is still frustrated, too bad for her.

And now, to the challenge: Trump tells the teams they’re in the East 54th Street Rec Center, which as it turns out is kind of related to the task. We’re introduced to Joe and Mark from Walgreens, and after Trump pumps the company’s tires, Joe tells the teams that they are encouraging people to walk for 30 minutes a day, through an online program called Walk with Walgreens that offers rewards to users.

Mark says for today’s task the teams will be creating a live, interactive health segment that promotes the benefits of walking and the ease of the program to a live audience, as well as a new design for the program’s membership kit. Also, one of the judges will be Allison Sweeney, host of The Biggest Loser, which Paul seems vaguely impressed by.

Project Managers? Lou has stepped up for Forte again, because he’s the fitness guy, obviously. Trump asks him for a push-up again, and Aubrey needs attention as she asks if she can compete with him, and Trump allows it. Lou does them straight, which means he’s lifting himself up by the forearms instead of the hands—I ache just watching him. Everyone is impressed by that, and rightly so. Dee points out that Lou is going to be 60. Arsenio is taking the lead for Unanimous; he tells us he’s playing for the Magic Johnson Foundation, but also for his cousin, who died of AIDS.

Trump tells the teams the winning PM will receive $20,000, and Mark makes the “surprise” announcement that Walgreens will kick in another $30,000. The teams are dismissed, and in an interview segment Lisa predictably complains about still being on a team with Dayana, but she also takes a shot at Lou, who she knows is going to bring nothing to the table. She says she’s literally in her version of Hell, and she’s going to “deal with these idiots the rest of my eternity.” Either she thinks this show will last a lot longer than one season, or she’s overstating things just a touch.

Forte arrives at their war room, and the men try to get acclimated to the new surroundings. Lisa sounds annoyed already as she suggests they try the men’s style of brainstorming, because “clearly ours doesn’t work.” Dee suggests Lisa knows they have a winning formula and she wants to be a part of that.

Penn announces he has to fly out at 2:00 that afternoon to do a show, so Lou interviews that he has to utilize as much as he can until then, but his only concern is whether Penn will return and make a mistake onstage because he didn’t have enough time to rehearse. More foreshadowing?

Joe and Mark arrive to fill the team in on the Walk with Walgreens program. Lisa interviews that she’s a firm believer in doing as little as possible physically, and she’s the type of person they’re hoping to reach—the couch potato who hates to move and who would rather be wheeled around in a wheelchair all day. Actually that sounds like a good plan…

The execs remind the team that they have to design the outside of the membership kit, which Dee tells us is a 4-by-4-inch box. Lou tells the execs he’s had both knees and both hips replaced, and it helped him appreciate the value of walking once he could move again. The execs offer a half-hearted “That’s a great story,” and it looks like they said it at gunpoint, but Lou interviews that they were “excited” when they heard it. Tomato, to-mah-to.

Back at Unanimous, Clay mentions that what they’ve seen of Aubrey and Teresa in the Boardroom does not make them terribly enticing to want to work with, but there’s a ray of hope because he and Arsenio are still on the same team. Aubrey takes over the creative end and rambles for a while about how their box should be eye-catching, and the men’s eyes glaze right over.

Arsenio says he likes to hear from the executives before he starts locking in on things, and Aubrey interviews that he seemed like a strong player when she was on the other team, but now that she’s seen him in action she’s not impressed. Just because he didn’t call you a creative genius right off the bat? Someone thinks highly of herself.

Joe and Mark enter. They say nothing of note, and Arsenio starts asking about how important the membership kit is but Aubrey jumps in with a question of her own. Arsenio tells us that usually the PM takes the lead, and he’s doing all he can to pretend he’s fine with Aubrey but calls her a “narcissistic piece of work.” Of course most of us realized that weeks ago.

Over at Forte, Penn suggests a campaign based around all the things you can do while walking, such as flirt, date, and make phone calls, and Lisa likes it so she says they start rolling with it. Dee suggests they haven’t used all of their talent, so Lisa can roast someone and Penn can juggle, even though they’ve both done those things already. Dayana makes a suggestion involving a treadmill which Lou glosses over but Dee comes back to, and Penn interviews he knows very little about Dayana, but so far she’s wicked hardworking and is good to have on the team.

As walking is discussed further, Lisa says Penn is kicking ass and he’s the most brilliant person there, and the two of them are doing things that the Project Manager should, so she’s concerned because Lou isn’t contributing anything. But as if to contradict her, Lou delegates Dee to get involved in the directing of the kit design, Lisa and Penn will do the writing, and he says he’ll be the onstage host. Penn takes issue with this, and interviews that they have three professional speakers on the team. But Lou puts his foot down, and plays the “I’m Project Manager” card.

Lou of course takes issue, as he says Penn questioned his decision, as he has before, but he wants to be the host because he can deliver a heartfelt message better than anyone else, and if he was PM they would not have utilized his strength. Man, he really sounds like a broken record sometimes. Not as much as Teresa (“Are you serious?”) but still.

In the Unanimous war room, Aubrey and Clay seem to be taking the reins, as the concept is changed from a talk show to a game show, which will get the audience involved and encourage them to join the program. Clay tells us Aubrey, Teresa, and Paul will be team captains who spin a giant wheel and answer questions onstage, Arsenio will be the host, and Clay is the announcer who calls contestants up onstage and tells them what they’ve won Sounds like a fun idea.

Aubrey has an idea for the box that involves a picture of each team member with a quote about why they walk that relates to them (“I walk to stay hot,” for herself, naturally). She suggests Arsenio as the person who walked away from the industry for a while, which throws Arsenio for a loop. In an interview he calls her ruthless and manipulative, and says her comment was meant to be a dis. I don’t think that’s true, to be fair—she’s just not very smart to know how that can be taken. The bottom line is, she’s getting on his nerves, so expect him to erupt any second now.

As the team goes to the Walgreens store to take pictures, Aubrey has another idea of having colored T-shirts in the audience to correspond with each contestant. That’s not a bad idea either; maybe she really is the creative force on this team. I just wish she wasn’t so hateful, though.

At Walgreens, we’re treated to a montage of Aubrey taking everyone’s picture. Paul interviews that she’s a very controlling personality and Arsenio probably doesn’t appreciate that she’s taking over and doing things on her own. She leads everyone out, and some dialogue that was totally not edited in by the editors for dramatic effect involves her not letting Arsenio see the pictures she took.

Back at Forte, Penn goes over an outline of the presentation thus far (part of which involves Dayana in a swimsuit—you can see why I’m cheering for this man) and Lisa is impressed and says he’ll have the outline and some of the dialogue before he even leaves to his gig in Toronto. She says one of their strongest players is leaving, and it’s like watching Dad go off to work when you know you have to watch the “young’uns.” Penn departs.

Dee is overseeing the graphic design work and the branding aspects of the membership kit, and says he incorporated their logo into the kit without screwing with it. Dayana says Dee wants to play it safe and out the logo on every side of the box, but she would love to do something more.

Don Jr. walks in and Lisa pitches him the idea, and Don interviews that Lisa recognizes she’s still one of the strongest players and that Lou needs to be controlled a little bit, so if she keeps him on track, “it’s not so insubordinate if it gets you the win.” Dee is having computer issues so Dayana helps him, and Don points out that she’s not nearly as useless as everyone made out in the Boardroom.

Dee says she has impressed the hell out of him so far, and of course Lisa has a problem with hearing Dayana being complimented as she complains about wanting to get the “puke bucket.” She says she’s so sick of dealing with people who are not contributing anything, and basically anyone who thinks otherwise is delusional. That’s pretty much what it comes down to.

Unanimous is back at Trump Tower, where Aubrey is gushing over the photos she took. Arsenio takes issue with the close-up photo of him she wants to use instead of a long shot, and she argues that they have to have the best product and it doesn’t matter how good they look. That reminds me, tell us about your horribly over-photoshopped Playboy shoot again?

She calls it whining, of course, and says to use a long shot of Arsenio next to four close-ups of the others would make no sense and almost destroy the appeal of the product. What pains me is that she’s right, it does look better with the tight shot than the long one. But of course she manages to ruin it by saying, “I know it might be a harsh reality, but those wrinkles really did happen to your face.” Between that and saying Tia is a hundred years old, I’m beginning to think she has it in for anyone in their forties.

Arsenio argues it some more, saying he’s the host so he gets a little artistic license (and of course Aubrey doesn’t say that “wrinkles” line to his face). Clay feels Aubrey is starting to take over more than she should, so it’s unsettling to see her moving forward and making decisions without asking permission.

Eric walks in for his spy mission. Clay starts explaining their concept and Aubrey sits down and tells him the plan behind the box, and Eric interviews that she’s really taking charge and he was surprised to hear it all coming out of her, given that it’s Arsenio’s task. Aubrey goes on about how she goes to Walgreens all the time, which sounds about as genuine as anything else she’s said, and suddenly has a moment of clarity when she asks, “Am I taking over?”

Arsenio reluctantly says she is. He has an angry interview as he says she’s trying to take over and make it seem like it’s all about Aubrey when it isn’t, and that she’s diametrically opposed to anything team-related (I agree with him there) and he’s sick of her. She sheepishly apologizes and walks off, and Clay looks more pleased than a cat with a saucer of milk as he winks at Arsenio.

Forte is in their van en route to their rehearsal space, and they come up with their slogan, “Walk and do it all.” Lisa asks about the box some more, and suggests putting things you can do while walking around the box, which Dee seems to like. He gives Lisa “-ing” verbs, and interviews that he included some ridiculous things that you technically could do while you walk, like “itching” and “scratching.” “Insulting” and “yelling” gets some protests from Dayana for being negative, and she tells us she’s worried that some of the words might confuse the idea they’re trying to project.

They arrive at the rehearsal space and start walking through the presentation, which involves Lou introducing every team member demonstrating things you can do while walking. Lisa is concerned about Lou going off-track even though she thinks he can be wrangled, although she has no idea why it’s her job to wrangle him. She walks Lou and Dayana through a bit, and then in her interview she tears up (again!) as she complains that without Penn she has no backup, and she’s always carrying the weaker people on her team and wonders whether she should let Lou ramble like an “incoherent idiot.” You mean, like Aubrey? ZING! Lou is writing something but pauses to think, as Lisa jokes to the camera that it’s going to be sad when he goes home tomorrow.

At Unanimous, Aubrey goes over the quotes she wrote for each team member to go on the box, meant to be testimonials from each of them as to why they walk. (Clay’s is “Walking gives me stamina to face the music,” which is pretty good, really.) Arsenio is perturbed because Aubrey keeps trying to talk him out of his quote, which involves walking with someone you love, and get him to use the one she wrote, if that makes any sense at all. He insists he’s going to use his own quote.

They run through the game show presentation, until Aubrey calls Clay over to look at something she did on the computer. He interviews that Aubrey is very good at making sure she gets everyone to say, “I love this, I approve of this,” and she doesn’t do anything better than cover her ass.

Arsenio is reluctant to look at the picture for the box, and sure enough Aubrey is using the one he doesn’t like, and she argues about his looking different than everyone else’s and he argues that he’s the host so it’s okay. She says he can change anything he wants, but he says he can’t because there’s a deadline. He interviews that Aubrey is impossible to work with, because he tells her to do something and she does the opposite and she’s undermined him at every step. I want to agree with him here, but damn—she’s still right about that whole picture thing.

Aubrey asks the guys if they’re happy with her and Teresa and like having them, and you can tell Arsenio is biting his tongue so hard he may draw blood. Clay just laughs at the whole thing.

Night falls, and Lisa tells Lou and Dee that having Dayana in a bikini may be a big mistake. Dammit, Lisa, shut up! I’ve waited seven weeks for this moment, don’t steal it from me! She suggests an elegant one-piece, but Dayana says she doesn’t have a one-piece and all she wears are thongs. I get the feeling that line right there is all the explanation you need as to why she’s still on this show. Lisa suggests a sporting goods store, so Dayana calls one, and she and Lou head out.

It seems to be Lisa’s excuse to get rid of them, as she tells Dee that each of them has two brain cells fighting with each other and she’s depressed about how today went because Dayana didn’t come up with one damn thing. Dee says he is shocked that Lisa Lampinelli is suddenly talking to him about feelings. She gives Dee crap about actually saying nice things about Dayana—the nerve, right?—and Dee interviews he had no problem working with Dayana and he doesn’t think she’s vacuous or dumb and found her to be bright and mature. He tries to tell Lisa he didn’t see Dayana as being stupid, but Lisa refuses to accept it, and says Lisa’s view on Dayana is terribly unfair. She does come across as petty, like it’s impossible for anyone to feel differently than her about Dayana.

Dee explains rationally that he’s learned in recent years to pull back and be les vicious; Lisa of course takes this the wrong way and tells us he’s so far up Dayana’s [bleep], and compares him to watching a two year old getting potty-trained, and he has to pretend every dump is beautiful. Okay—eww. She again says she’s in hell because no one will talk about it. Did it ever occur to you that maybe—just maybe—someone doesn’t hate her guts nearly as much as you do?

Morning has broken, and we’re shown a WALK sign for about the hundredth time, just in case the idea of the episode has still escaped someone. Forte is preparing for their presentation by hanging signage, and Dee interviews that Penn is a team player because he left to do a show but flew back in the middle of the night, and is on only one hour’s sleep but is ready to do the performance.

The audience enters, as does Allison Sweeney (host of The Biggest Loser, another contrived and terribly manipulated reality show, right here on NBC! But, uh, it’s all about being healthy, is what it is…honest), who gets applause, and the Walgreens execs. Dee introduces Lou, who starts in on his experience learning to walk again, and the sappy music cue tells us we’re supposed to be deeply touched by this. (One woman in the crowd looks like she’s about to cry, too.) Lisa admits Lou’s monologue went over well, and she’s proud of him because he “stuck to the damn script!” You know, I think Lisa has gotten more interview time this week than every other contestant combined—I wonder if that’s a sign?

Anyway, Penn and Lou banter to start into their “things you can do while walking” stuff. Lou tells Penn you can juggle while walking, and Penn is after my own heart as he picks up some oranges and asks, “Can I borrow these that happen to be here by a strange and somewhat contrived coincidence?” Team Penn! Dayana comes on in her Miss Universe sash and a swimsuit (not a thong—dammit, Lisa!) and Mark seems to think Allison can’t read, because he leans over and says, “Miss Universe,” and Allison nods, like, “Yeah, thanks for coming out, skip.”

So Dayana walks, and Penn plugs the website but accidentally calls it “Walk with Wal Mart.” Oops! Watching Allison react is hilarious—she looks like she’s just been kicked in the stomach. Penn realizes his mistake, but Dee says it was the equivalent of calling a woman another name when you’re in bed with her. But Dayana comes to the rescue, asking, “Should I give him my crown?” This gets a huge laugh, although I confess I don’t get it. Dee is impressed, though.

Penn brings a guy on stage to demonstrate dating and flirting while walking, but that’s when Lisa comes on and acts abrasive as she struts off the stage with the poor guy. In the end, Lou feels confident he pulled it off, he got the team to give 110 percent (and that’s a shot for those of you playing the 110 percent drinking game—cheers!) and the rest remains to be seen.

Allison asks the execs about the “-ing” words behind the logo on the signage, and says the ones that stand out to her are “itching” and “yelling” and “scratching.” Oh, come on—they totally planned this. Joe says the packaging was clearly not their best work. Allison of course pounces on the name of a competitor being dropped, and Mark says Penn messed up on that one, but overall it was fun and inspired people. This gets them off on Lou’s speech at the beginning, and Joe says that as a leader Lou did a great job, as he set it up well and closed it well, and they all rallied around it in a personal way.

It’s Forte’s turn, and Arsenio is pumped. They hand out T-shirts to the audience, and Aubrey hands the judges the prototype of their box. She interviews that the concept is “Face Reality,” and the idea is to show the faces of all the reality stars on the team.

So Clay introduces Arsenio, and the audience shows their age by doing Arsenio’s patented fist pump and “Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof!” thing (or they were prompted, one or the other.) So they do their game show idea, and Paul is the first contestant—he gets a True or False question about how many calories walking can burn, and he answers with a motivational speech of his own. He says he believes in the benefits of walking and is a living testimony, so it was easy for him.

Aubrey is next and she interviews how important it was to interact with the audience and make them feel included. She answers a similar question and it goes over well, and then it’s Teresa’s turn, and she answers a question about child obesity. The whole thing goes over well, but I notice they didn’t include a plug for the website, so that might hurt them. Arsenio interviews he succeeded at the hardest job—putting up with a lot of BS from Aubrey. He says if it doesn’t go down in the Boardroom honestly, he’s going to be like a caged animal in a corner fighting for a check for his charity.

Allison thinks it was a great presentation overall, and she and Joe like the “Face Reality” slogan. Allison thinks it was really informational and Mark says it was a little bit “intensely fact-based.” Joe isn’t sure they understood the program from the beginning and it wasn’t spelled out. Allison says they have a tough decision to make and she looks forward to talking to Trump about it, and the way she says it reminds me of Padma on Top Chef, because pretty much her only job is to introduce people and challenges, and to say things like that. They could pretty much replace her with a talking robot, really, and I doubt I’d be able to tell the difference half the time. But I digress.

To the Boardroom of Doom! Are we sure this episode is only three hours? I feel like I’ve been watching it for two days at least. Anyway, Trump asks Lou if they won; he’s optimistic and thinks they have a very good chance, they delivered everything the executives wanted from them. Trump moves on to Lisa, who he asks how Lou did as PM. She says he was all right, but not great, as he fell on her for most of the organization and her and Penn for the writing and Dee for the printing, without it being spoken out loud. She thinks Lou is very nice but finds it hard to be tough, and Trump disputes that, saying he fights a lot of people.

Lou thinks he utilized everyone’s strengths, he let them speak, and he made most of the decisions, because he didn’t want any conflict that would affect the presentation. Trump asks Penn who he agrees with, and Penn says he wasn’t there for much of it, and Trump suggests maybe he should fire Penn because he wasn’t there. I don’t recall him saying that about Adam when he wasn’t there in week two—how about it, Trump? Lisa says Penn did more in two hours than she’s seen some people do in eight hours, and Dee says he did the show on one hour’s sleep after flying in that morning, which Trump commends him for.

Trump asks Arsenio how he liked having Teresa and Aubrey on his team, and Arsenio says he was fine with it. Clay says it’s a very nice, new dynamic, and he gives Arsenio credit for making the mood, and says he was a great Project Manager.

Don keeps digging for conflict as he asks who was the more valuable of the two women, but Clay says they’re very different, as Aubrey brought a lot of ideas to the table but Teresa was the better team player. Eric won’t let it go and asks if Aubrey was ever overbearing (which is like asking, “Is water wet?”) and references how she took over when he visited the team.

Arsenio says managing Aubrey you have to customize your style for her, and what’s important is that you accept that and find a way to deal with her being on a different speed than other because you don’t want to stop that creative process, you want to channel it and control it a little bit, Whew, that was a mouthful. He says she goes a mile a minute whereas Paul trims the fat, and he may say one thing but it’s a nugget of gold, which Trump agrees with.

Trump asks Aubrey about Clay’s assertion that she’s not a team player. He asks Clay if he got it right, and Clay says Aubrey is not a team player but is full of ideas, and Arsenio asks for clarification on the word “ideas” because, “I just didn’t know what came after ‘full.’” Oh boy—did someone order some worms? Because Arsenio just opened up a whole can of them! Anyway, Clay says there are times when she forges ahead without getting approval, and at times she forged ahead with ideas she was asked not to forge ahead with, and there are situations where that can be harmful. Trump thinks he’s right.

Don and Eric pass out the boxes so each team can look at the other’s. Aubrey looks over Forte’s and then tosses it aside, which surprises Arsenio, and he passes it to Paul. Teresa asks Aubrey what she thought, and Aubrey whispers back, “That’s horrible.” Ever the diplomat, aren’t you, Red? Trump asks Forte what they think and Clay thinks it’s boring, and Aubrey agrees. As for the Unanimous box, Lisa thinks the design is very cool and she loves the quotes, which of course Aubrey is quick to take credit for writing.

But Arsenio says that’s not true, and he says, “Typing is not writing.” Aubrey seems genuinely confused, and Arsenio tries to move on but Trump asks him to clarify. He says it’s another way of putting the “I” in “team.”

Aubrey says she said it because Lisa was always proud of her as a writer, but again Arsenio insists that typing is not writing. (Trump tries to interject something about Aubrey not being a hundred percent, and I’m curious to where he was going to go with that one.) She asks if she didn’t make all of the quotes up, and Arsenio says he came up with his own, and mentions Paul’s weight loss from walking.

Aubrey says to read his quote which she herself wrote, but Arsenio again says she didn’t write his, “So the totality of your statement right here is untrue.” Okay, I get that he has issues with Aubrey, and who can blame him, but this just makes him seem like he’s looking for an argument. Which maybe he is, since that’s a sure-fire way to get more screen time, so I don’t know.

On a side note, those bumpers with the new M&M seem to be a regular thing now. Thank goodness for fast-forwarding, because they kinda creep me out. Though I do want some M&Ms right about now…

Aubrey tells Trump she wrote everyone’s except Arsenio’s but she put his together, which he takes offense to and starts yelling, and she asks him why he’s screaming. He accuses her of telling a lie, and she goes to Teresa about writing everybody’s, which Teresa says she did but it incorporates everybody. Trump suggests that what Arsenio is complaining about is that she’s taking credit and using “I” instead of “team,” and she tries arguing but Arsenio says that’s exactly what he’s saying. He points out that Aubrey took the box and instead of showing it to her other teammates she tossed it away, and her whole personality is about Aubrey.

Back to business, as Trump asks Eric what the execs thought of Arsenio’s presentation. It was full of energy, they loved the “Face Reality” theme and the design of the kit (any other week, Aubrey would be taking credit for that, but right now she’s just stewing.) On the negative side, they thought the game show was too informational and didn’t motivate the audience to go out and walk. (I disagree with that—Paul’s speech about how much healthier he got made me want to go for a walk right now. Or maybe I just want this show to end. Patience, Dave, tough it out…)

Trump asks Aubrey whose idea the game show was, and she thinks one of the guys. Arsenio is in fine form now, as he says she won’t remember because if it’s not one of her ideas, she don’t give a [bleep.] He’s not wrong, but still—ouch.

Aubrey gets all sad a doe-eyed as she claims she hates this [bleep], and Arsenio says he’s not saying anything that’s not true, and he reiterates that she knows where her own ideas come from. He says he hates the selfishness, and Aubrey suddenly remembers it’s because she was working on the box and that’s why she doesn’t know (which is not true, since I remember exactly whose idea it was and when it came up) but Arsenio shuts her down. He says he hates to lead a team and have such a complicated time massaging her ego to make it fit in with the rest.

Clay has a deer-in-the-headlights look as Trump asks him if he agrees with Arsenio. Keep stirring, Donald, keep stirring. Clay does agree, and says Arsenio’s frustration comes from the fact that they did do a lot of massaging, and he wishes he knew enough about sports to come up with a great coach reference for him (Vince Lombardi leading the ’67 Green Bay packers to Super Bowl I, for example? Go Pack!) because he made sure the mood and the tone was great but a lot of that was a result of having to massage Aubrey into the group.

Aubrey is clearly tearing up now as she turns to Teresa and starts to ask her something about teaching her everything she’s ever asked (huh?) but Arsenio says, “Now she’s a teacher!” which actually made me laugh out loud. Arsenio says she can’t say anything that’s not selfish, and Aubrey says she can’t say anything with these two men, but Trump points out its mostly Arsenio (with a placating smile, too).

Aubrey asks Teresa if she’s been a team player to her and taught her things she didn’t know; Teresa says yes, but Trump leaps in and accuses her of using a leading statement (I think that’s what he was going for there) and says he doesn’t think she taught Teresa everything she knows. Aubrey says she didn’t say that, but Trump asks Teresa if she said that, and Teresa says yes. Trump asks if Aubrey is selfish; Teresa says she speaks very fast, which really doesn’t answer the question, but Aubrey is crying now so we’re moving on.

Trump asks Aubrey why she’s crying, and says there’s no reason to cry, which she agrees with. He asks her if she likes Arsenio, and she says not after hearing everything he just said. Trump says it was rough and he was like that on television; Aubrey says she admired him on television but she doesn’t admire him anymore. (Not for nothing, but when his show ended its run, she was ten years old, so I don’t think that’s likely.) Arsenio says he has to kiss her ass for her to admire him, but she says, “That’s not my truth,” and he pounces on “your truth again, There’s only your truth, I don’t get an opinion.” She accuses him of putting words in her mouth, even though she did just say “my truth.”

Trump asks Arsenio who he’s gonna fire if they lose. Uh, Trump--you’re the one who fires people, remember? Arsenio says he’d probably fire Aubrey, and Paul seconds that, but doesn’t elaborate. Clay says going forward, there are four people on the team who are team players and one who works for herself, though he and Trump both admit she’s smart and creative but not a team player. Trump says he knows a lot of people like that and some do well and some “crash and burn like dogs,” and he tells Aubrey she’s got to be careful.

That weird rant over, Trump turns to Don and asks him what the execs said about Lou’s team, because everyone watching forgot there was another team on this show. The judges loved Lou’s testimony, and apparently that was the only positive. The negatives of course were Penn’s “Wal Mart” gaffe, and Penn says he was exhausted and he didn’t even know when he did it. It’s right up there with “Buick Verona,” really.

Also, Don mentions the negative words like “itching,” “scratching,” and “yelling” in the signage. Trump asks who came up with that idea, even though Dee just said, “Uh oh,” so that kind of gives it away. Dee says it was Lisa’s concept but says they were doing a comedic presentation involving things like juggling. Trump starts on how “scratch” is a negative word, and Lisa says if people are scratching they should go to Walgreens and buy some friggin’ salve, so they should be happy people are scratching. Trump admits it’s a pretty good point.

So does everyone want to find out what happened? Trump says Joe, Mark, and Allison loved both teams overall, but the bottom line is that Arsenio’s team won. Arsenio is starting to tear up as Trump tells him how much the execs loved him in particular (Aubrey still looks pissed right off). Paul tosses in a “Woof Woof!” before Arsenio talks about his charity, and Don jokes that Arsenio is going to make him cry. They’re dismissed, and Arsenio can’t get out of there fast enough. Teresa tries asking Aubrey what’s the matter on the way out.

Arsenio gives a jubilant thumbs up to Amanda the secretary as he walks by. The rest of the team follows… but wait! Aubrey heads straight for the elevator; Teresa is unsure whether she should follow, but Clay tells her to let her do what she wants to do, and Teresa seems to think Aubrey is mad at her. Aubrey interviews that she doesn’t want to be around the negativity anymore and it’s not why she came. She says the environment is unhealthy and ugly, and she doesn’t know if it’s the right place for her. The elevator doors close on her… so she’s left the show? I guess?

The remaining team members congratulate Arsenio, who is still in tears as he talks about his charity and mentions his cousin who died of AIDS, which he says is what really hit him. It’s really a very touching and emotional moment.

And on the flipside, it’s back to the Boardroom we go. Lou is surprised because they did a great job, and if they had a week they couldn’t have done any better. Should the Project Manager be fired? Lou says no, because he gave 110 percent (and SHOT!), he went onstage and di all the rehearsals and didn’t make any mistakes, and he kept in move with the team, but Trump reminds him he’s Project Manager.

Trump asks Penn if Lou should be fired; Penn says every time he’s been asked he’s mentioned the Project Manager, and Trump says it’s a strength if you win and it’s a weakness if you lose. Wise words, Yoda.

Eric goes back to Lou’s “couldn’t have done any better” comment and asks if that’s a smart comment to make in his position right now. Lou feels he did everything he could, and they were on the right track and everyone worked nicely. Don asks if a lot of that weight falls on his shoulders as PM, but Lou says he shouldn’t be fired because he gave 110 percent (SHOT!) so Don asks who didn’t give 110 percent, and Lou mentions Dee, because he wanted to be in control and was constantly wooing and praising Dayana. Wait, did Lisa put that into his head? I wonder.

Trump asks Dee about this; Dee says he busted his ass nonstop for Lou, who approved every single thing any of them did. Trump asks what Dee did on the task, and Dee says he worked on the branding and the box, and Trump points out the executives hated the box. So who does he think should be fired? Dee says it falls on Lou’s shoulders as PM. Don points out that Lou was the big positive from the execs (and the only one, it appears), which Dee agrees with, so Don says it goes both ways.

Trump asks Dayana for her two cents; she says they didn’t have a task from Lou and she had to find herself a little bit “between everything.” So who should Trump fire? Dayana says the Project Manager, like she’s said in every task. Lisa is asked, and she says it wouldn’t be a Boardroom if she didn’t say shed bring back Dayana, which she laughs about but Dayana rolls her eyes. She says she’d bring both Lou and Dayana back. Trump says there’d have to be a third person to bring back too, but Lisa says Lou should just bring Dayana back. Hey Lisa, Dayana’s not going anywhere yet—just suck it up and deal with it.

Trump asks Dayana if he should fire her; she says she tries so hard every time and in this task specifically she was not delegated anything and had to work a little bit everywhere just so she could keep herself busy. She complains it’s been like this every week, and trump asks her why she thinks it has been like that. (Didn’t he ask her that in the first hour too?) Dayana talks up her teammates and suggests maybe she works in a different way from them. Trump strokes her ego by saying she’s doing just as well as they are in a way, and she says she’s still sitting there with them.

Trump notes that the only one who said to fire her is Lisa, but Lisa says she said she’d bring both of them back, because their version of 110 percent (SHOT! Man, you could get really drunk off this episode alone) maybe equals her fifty percent. Trump takes that to mean that she thinks she’s superior to both Lou and Dayana. Trump says Dayana could say she’s superior to her as well, and Lisa says she’s free to do so. Well, that accomplished nothing at all, so let’s press on.

Trump asks Lou if he should be fired because he’s the Project Manager—you already asked him that, Trump! Gah! This episode is three hours long! Lou again says no, adamantly. SO who is he bringing back? Lou names Dayana, and either Penn or Dee, and ultimately he goes with Dee. (Penn really would have been the wrong choice there, and I’m not saying that just because I’m biased.)

Trump asks Lou why he’s bringing Dayana back over Penn, and references Penn’s mistake. Lou says it’s tough because Penn did help with writing and helped to guide them in the right direction, and he’s a stronger team player. Trump mentions Penn’s mistake again, but Lou seems irritated as he says Penn corrected himself and people make mistakes. And with that everyone is dismissed, as Dayana welcomes Dee to her lobby, and he asks her how it works. At least she can laugh about it.

Back to Unanimous, who collectively have no idea where Aubrey is. Paul interviews that Arsenio was very upset, and Aubrey never made it back to the war room and he knows she was very upset, and he didn’t think she was coming back and he can understand it because she got pretty smacked around. Arsenio is heated as he says he tried to keep his ego and his problems and disagreements inside. Clay says Arsenio has an emotional connection to his charity, and Aubrey pushed against him as much as she could and stressed him out, and with Arsenio, “once the dam breaks, it is on.”

Arsenio is still railing about Aubrey’s arrogance and how her response to everything was to go to Teresa and ask her to cosign for her bull [bleep]. He’s basically offended that she wouldn’t talk to them directly about what she did to them. “Why don’t you punch me in my face and ask Teresa if it hurts?”

Teresa interviews that Arsenio looks like a wild card now because he was so sweet, and to see him turn so angry was scary and she just wanted to get out of the room. Arsenio is not done, though, as he keeps ranting about how Trump worked all his life and he’s not going to have her “stank ass” represent this show.

He pulls Teresa into it, saying he Googled her to find out what she was about and read about her show, and her culinary desires, and her fashion background, and when he Googled Aubrey, “and a naked picture of her with a gut popped up!” Yeah, I’ve seen that picture, too. Anyway, he ends with a very eloquent, “[Bleep] her! [Bleep] her!” Wow—that’s more anger than I ever imagined I would see from him. Maybe he went a little overboard there, much as I hate to say it.

In the lobby, Lou is actually chatting with Amanda the secretary, which virtually no one ever does, and asks her about all the anxiety she’s seen from contestants.. Dee says it’s unfortunate they have to do this, and seems put out that he’s accused of not giving 110 percent (if you can still find your glass, then SHOT!) Amanda is told to send them back in.

Trump asks Dayana why people keep bringing her back. (Why do you keep asking her that? Gah!) Dayana doesn’t know, and Trump says now it’s the men bringing her back and insinuates the women didn’t like the way she looked or something, and he asks her again. Dayana repeats that she wasn’t assigned anything so she was lost and she tried to help everyone. Trump asks if Dayana is a hard worker, and Dee says she is and she did a lot of things. Trump asks Dayana who she would fire, which I’m pretty sure she already answered as well. Three hours long. She says the Project Manager, because everyone had to find their own way and Lou was not creative or giving ideas.

Trump asks Lou, for at least the third damn time, if he should fire him because he’s the PM—Lou once again says no, because he stepped up to the plate and made sure the team gave 110 percent. (SHOT! *Hic*) Dee asks, “But what do you do?” He says Lou let Lisa and Penn take over the writing, and let him handle the box, and he went shopping while the rest of them were busting their balls and giving 120 percent (SHO—no, wait, false alarm, don’t drink.) Dee says he was in charge of branding and the box, but Don says two of those things are what they lost on, so is that a positive or a negative for him? Dee says everything he did was approved by the Project Manager and he never did anything without his authority.

Trump is in full-on “Save Lou” mode again as he continues to go after the box Dee designed which the execs didn’t like. He asks Lou if he liked the box, and Lou starts to say it could have been better. Dee says all of them were gathered around the computer, but Trump again says Dee designed it and Dee owns up to being the lead on it, but the PM oversaw everything. He says they all work to fill in the void, but if Lou didn’t have a writer he’d be hamstrung, because he can’t write or create anything. Dee refers to himself, Arsenio, and Clay as “The Lou Whisperers,” and they work with Lou because they understand he has a limitation.

Trump for some reason asks if Dee was impressed by Arsenio, and Dee says he was and he never saw that personality on television. With that out of the way, Trump asks Dee if he thinks Lou is responsible for their loss, and Trump says in all fairness it wasn’t Dayana and she probably shouldn’t even be here and probably Penn should be (he’s wrong about that).

Dee points out the only thing Lou cites that he does every week is “I got up and performed, I got up and rehearsed, I got up and gave a speech,” and he does a great job, but he’s a “one-note horn.” Trump tries to save Lou by again noting that the executives really liked Lou’s testimonial, and he thinks it’s a great example for a lot of people that have hearing disabilities. Lou starts in again about stepping up and doing the testimonial despite his hearing problem, and he feels he shouldn’t be fired because he took a risk and he did the [bleep] job. Is that the first time Lou has cursed on this show?

Trump asks Dee if Lou has a chip on his shoulder, because he seems to think everyone is out to get him and that’s been a constant theme with him. Dee says he thinks fondly of Lou, because he’s taken a bodybuilding trophy and turned it into a full time career and there’s few people who can say that, but he does have a chip on his shoulder because he’s been told he can’t and he’s fought against his disability.

Trump says that he gets credit for loving to fire people, but he hates it, and he especially hates firing really good people. He says they have a lot of good people, and he thinks the two guys are both great, but this was about presentation, and it was about box design. Dee did the box design, so he’s fired. I have to admit, for a second there I thought he was gonna get rid of Lou.

Dee hugs both Dayana and Lou goodbye, and Lou tells him, “Nothing’s changed.” And yet he still holds a grudge against Penn?

In the limo, Dee advises his teammates to not prop up Lou Ferrigno anymore, because the Trumps don’t have a clear picture of who he is and what he is and his abilities. He says if Lou didn’t have his support, he would have been gone a long time ago and wouldn’t have been able to throw him under the bus. I hate that phrase more and more each week.

Next week: Lisa is very, very, very, very angry. At everyone. Arsenio, Dayana, and Lou will all feel her wrath—and those are just the ones they told us about!

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