Dancing with the Stars 4, April 23: Dancing for Goobers

As always, Tom Bergeron and Samantha Harris welcome us to the program. The tornado warning going across the television screen, though, for the county I live in mesmerizes me. I hope I make it through the show without losing power or being blow away!

Dancing first for us are Kym Johnson and Joey Fatone. Joey says that he’s aiming for a triple goober. Kym explains that she has to make Joey look manly. She brings in Jerry Springer, her partner from last season, to help out. Jerry takes off his shirt. Enough said.

They’re starting off by doing the samba to “Little Respect.” The dance is very energetic; it involves a lot of hip shaking and butt wiggling. However, it seems a bit sloppy to me. That’s just my opinion. What do the judges have to say about it?

Len Goodman calls Joey a swashbuckler and says that the performance was great. Bruno Tonioli appreciates that Joey went for it despite the errors that he made. Carrie Ann Inaba also notes the problems that Joey had with his footwork. She refers to him as insane.

Each judge gives the couple a nine; Kym and Joey have 27 points.

Heather Mills and Jonathan Roberts are up next. We’re reminded that Heather fell last week. I fell about two minutes ago and I wasn’t even standing. Heather tells us about practicing the paso doble on an airplane.

They are dancing to “Don’t Cry for Me, Argentina.” Whoa, Heather’s boobs are working overtime tonight. Yikes! Heather’s moves don’t seem to be very crisp or sharp. Just as I get into the dance, the local television station breaks in because of the tornado watch. I apologize, dear readers, for not seeing all of the performance. From what I see on the Internet, there is an illegal lift that goes unmentioned and Heather has issues with holding her arms properly.

Bruno says that Heather captured the spirit of the dance. Carrie Ann notes that Heather missed several moves.

Carrie gives the dance a seven; Len and Bruno give it an eight. Heather and Jonathan have 23 points.

Up now are Edyta Sliwinska and John Ratzenberger. Edyta tells John that they are doing the mambo and it involves hips. He refers to Edyta as good. That’s very succinct on his part. Edyta says that their dance is going to be “mambolicious.”

They’re ready to perform to “Mambo Swing.” Once again, I give John credit for his attempt. He does his best to keep up with Edyta and actually has some nice moves. He certainly isn’t light on his feet, but he gives the dance his all.

Carrie Ann giggles and calls John a dancing teddy bear. She also appreciates that he brought the joy back to his dancing. Len tells John that it’s obvious he enjoys being on the show. He then follows up by saying the routine was awful. Bruno agrees with Len, but before he can say too much, Carrie Ann jumps in and says that John was cute.

The judges give the couple a seven, six, and a six. Edyta and John have 19 points.

Dancing now are Laila Ali and Maksim Chmerkovskiy. They’re performing the cha cha cha to “I’m Comin’.” (I hope I have this right; the weatherman just broke in again with a weather report. Hey, if I want the report, I’ll look outside!)

Laila performs some funky moves. Also, Maksim’s chest is exposed again. Thank you, Maksim!

Apparently, Samantha reveals the scores before the judges do. That’s interesting. In any case, the judges give the couple two nines and a ten. Laila and Maksim now have 28 points.

Up next are Karina Smirnoff and Billy Ray Cyrus. They are performing the jive this week. Karina does a cartwheel and shows off her ruffled panties. Cute! Much like John, Billy Ray isn’t the greatest dancer, but he does try his best. At this point, Karina should just enjoy her time with him and not worry so much about trying to turn Billy Ray into something he’ll never be.

Bruno comments on the crazy bear and a cheerleading competition. Carrie Ann tells Billy Ray to make up steps if you can’t do the ones you are suppose to do or forget them. Len says the couple is watchable.

All three of the judges give Karina and Billy Ray a seven. The couple now has 21 points.

Julianne Hough and Apolo Anton Ohno are up now. Julianne tells Apolo that he has to be sexy. She doesn’t feel well, so she brings her brother in to help Apolo; her brother is also a professional dancer.

They are doing the rumba to “I Know We’re Cool.” The two sing to each other during the performance and they really come across as being a couple. The dance is sexy in a classy way. Julianne shows off her talent by doing a split and then remaining in it as Apolo picks her up by one foot.

By the way, my dream of these two falling in love off of the dance floor has been dashed; she’s engaged.

I just spotted Leeza Gibbons in the audience. Why didn’t the weatherman break in now, darn it?

Carrie Ann calls the routine beautiful. Len tells Apolo that he enjoyed the performance, but he didn’t like the fact that the couple used a chair in the routine too much. Len also makes a nasty comment about bringing in a bed and a pole for the dance. Ouch. Bruno says the dance was fresh. He then argues with Len.

Carrie Ann and Len give the dance a nine; Bruno says, “It’s a hit” and gives it a goober. Julianne and Apolo have 28 points.

The final performance of the evening before the group dance is from Cheryl Burke and Ian Ziering. Ian tells us that tonight he’s concentrating on performing. Cheryl tells Ian that she doesn’t want Beverly Hills. Oh, no she didn’t!

They’re dancing the paso doble to “Waiting for Tonight.” I’m not feeling it. Ian isn’t a bad dancer, but he seems stiff and uncomfortable. He and Cheryl perform a few exceptional moves, but I don’t think it’s enough to wow the judges.

Hey, did I just spot Gabrielle Carteris in the audience?

Len tells Ian that he was disappointed by the dance. Bruno says that Ian’s posture was off. Carrie Ann explains that Ian has moments of brilliance, but that he’s holding back. She suggests that he watch Billy Ray for inspiration since Billy Ray always has a good time.

Each judge gives Cheryl and Ian an eight. The couple’s total score is 24 points.

The couples prepare to do a group swing. Tom reminds us that they can do lifts and other illegal moves. Sweet. During practice, Laila pretends to lift Apolo; Cheryl steps on Ian’s feet; Apolo almost crashes into a wall.

The dance begins with all of the women rubbing Billy Ray. Prrrrrrrrrrrrr. At one point, Laila actually lifts Apolo. The guys pretend to fight. Maksim is hot. Billy Ray thrusts his hips. How’s that for a recap?

The judges give us their thoughts even though they didn’t score the dance. As Len says that everyone did a nice job, Billy Ray throws his jacket into the crowd. People go wild.

Before the show ends, Tom and Samantha reveal the current standings:

Tom and Samantha tell us that Joss Stone and members of the cast of Dreamgirls will stop by the results show tomorrow night. I’ll also be here to recap all of the action for you… weather permitting!

Jill is an east coast mama who loves sharks, zombie movies, and reality television. She welcomes your comments about these and other subjects, and can be reached at jilljones@verizon.net.

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