Dance War, January 28: Don’t Leave Me This Way

Last week on the cheesiest show ever Dance War: Bruno vs. Carrie Ann, the teams performed for our enjoyment; Mariel cried at rehearsals; Bruno and Carrie Ann continued to fake fight. Tonight, we learn which team landed in the bottom and as a result, who is eliminated from the competition.

Before we get started, let’s talk about your opinions of the show and what might possibly happen tonight. It appears that my readers are in agreement that the show lacks the excitement of Dancing with the Stars and American Idol. Also, those of you who wrote to me feel Team Bruno is the weaker of the two teams this week and that either Charity or Phillip should leave the competition. Only time will tell if you are correct.

Drew welcomes us to the show, and tells us we are celebrating the music of Motown and R&B tonight. The teams perform together, and Bruno and Carrie Ann meet them on stage.

During the week, Bruno’s team goes through a trust exercise. We learn that Lacey has trust issues. She’s also given the lead for one of the dance routines this week.

Team Bruno is now set for its first team routine of the evening. The group performs to “Think.” Lacey’s voice is strong, but she seems a bit unhappy this evening. Also, because she is the featured performer, the others don’t have a chance to show what they can do.

Bruno tells Lacey and the others that he is proud of them. Carrie Ann says Lacey used the microphone as a prop, but wasn’t singing into it. She also questions the balance of the team and wonders why everyone wasn’t featured. It doesn’t happen often, but I do agree with Carrie Ann.

Next, we’re reminded that Chris’ mic didn’t work last week. He was bummed about it until a mob of girls attacked him in the hallway later on that evening.

During practice, Carrie Ann has her team play football. It helps the performers relax.

Team Carrie Ann performs to “Papa was a Rolling Stone.” Chris’ microphone works tonight. Hooray. The routine begins on a more subdued note, but then picks up. This is my favorite of the two routines so far tonight. The choreography was subtle and powerful. The crowd goes crazy.

Bruno tells the team that it isn’t slick or synchronized enough. I don’t think the audience cares though.

Back at practice, Bruno tells us that if his team is in the bottom, he will eliminate the weakest member of the team. Um, I hope so. He makes Charity tell him she hates him. He calls the performers his kids. Awwwww.

The team now performs its second routine, which is set to “Caught Up.” Phillip acts like a cheese ball. Zack hits a clunker. The team twirls canes. By the end of the performance, my face is twisted in agony. This is not good.

Bruno tells Tony he grew as a performer. Carrie Ann says everyone held their pitch well.

At rehearsals, Carrie Ann says it would be devastating to lose someone from her team. She names Alyssa, Elizabeth, and Bradley as her weakest performers.

Team Carrie Ann now performs to “Upside Down.” I could go for some pineapple upside down cake or an upside down banana split. Anyway, the performance is a bit bland and some of the girls’ vocals sound strained. I don’t think the song showcases the group’s talents.

Carrie Ann tells the women that they were pitchy, but she’s still proud of them. Bruno tells the girls they were off. He reminds them, several times, that he loves them. Someone may have to take out a restraining order.

Do you know what this show needs? It needs a special guest appearance by Maksim Chmerkovskiy. What do you think?

Finally, it’s time to learn which team viewers’ voted their favorite. The winning team is Team Carrie Ann. Bruno is devastated and must now eliminate someone from his team. He selects four people to remain on his team; they are Lacey, Phillip, Tony, and Zach.

Well, I guess we were all wrong about Phillip.

Kelsey and Charity must now compete for the final spot on the team. Silly me; I thought the coach would simply eliminate someone. Ha!

Bruno tells Kelsey and Charity that he loves them. Don’t say I didn’t warn you about that restraining order. The girls perform to “Don’t Leave Me This Way.” Ugh! Both women miss a lot of the notes. I think they sound better singing together.

Bruno puts us out of our misery and tells us that he is saving Kelsey. Charity says she loves her team and will miss everyone. She then walks off stage. That’s pretty sad and lame. What’s really odd is seeing clips of tonight’s performers with Charity in them.

Also, what are the performers told during practice? Here, sing this song in case your butt is on the line? That must be fun.

Drew tells us Taylor Swift will perform next week. With that, the show ends. Well, that was unceremonious. In any case, join me next week if you can handle it. If not, I’ll be more than happy to recap it for you.

Jill is an east coast mama who loves Michael Kors, Bea Arthur, and Maksim Chmerkovskiy. If she were in a room with the three of them, she might explode. She can be reached atjillcjones@zoominternet.net to discuss these individuals and other topics.

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