Surviving the Amazon, Episode 3: Kung Fu Roger

We enter this third week of Survivor: The Amazon with several questions. Will JoAnna continue to be a self-righteous bitch? Will the women ever get a shelter? Will Daniel show up in this episode?

Well, the last question is answered right away when we see the men chopping and working because they need to fix some leaks in the shelter roof. Rob says he can't imagine the women have a shelter comparable to theirs. Heh, he doesn't know the half of it. Oh, wait, the women don't even have the half of it! He says maybe the women's shelter is more comfortable, but not as structurally sound. Nope, definitely not more comfortable.

Roger approaches Daniel to ask if he'll get water. Daniel says okay. Roger asks if he can handle it by himself. Uh, yeah. Roger is still standing there, so Daniel asks if he wants to come with. Roger says he'll do it himself and stalks off. Apparently Daniel was supposed to say, "Sir, yes sir!" and jump immediately to attention with a quick salute. Then he should have double-timed it down to get the water. How dare he not immediately do what Roger says?!

So Roger complains to the camera that he was "tempted to slap the kid around." Now that I would have liked to see. Because, Roger, I think he would have beaten the crap out of you. And he would have been justified to do it. Egotistical jerk.

Dan says Roger irritates him because he orders people around. They basically aren't talking and both know they will be voting for the other. Also, he smells bad.

Back to Roger, who tells Dave that he had it out with Daniel (so either he read a lot into the water thing or we missed something important) and almost gave him a kung fu chop. Ah, that Roger - he's so clever. Get it - Daniel is Asian? Kung fu chop? So last week he attacked homosexuals and this week he makes fun of Asians. What a guy!

Meanwhile Matthew tells Daniel not to get bummed out - people are still jockeying for position and the momentum is against Roger. As they talk, they switch back and forth from English to Mandarin, which both speak. In fact, that's how they first bonded - and it's handy for plotting! Matthew says Roger is not safe. Daniel likes Matthew because he's truthful.

Over in the women's camp, there are bugs everywhere. Ick. Jeanne says the tribe is pathetic, hygiene is lacking, nobody cleaned the pot and now there are wasps all over it. And there's a tarantula on the flour container. Of course, the flour itself is moldy. Yum!

Once again they are complaining that everybody is doing their own thing. Jeanne says five different things are going on. They had all talked and promised they'd have a meeting today to get some order. So she calls the meeting - she has to wake Shawna to get everybody together. She nominates Deena as the leader (she had strategized with JoAnna to get that idea since Deena can be hotheaded and might cause friction - um, she talked to JoAnna and came to the conclusion that Deena could be hotheaded? Hello?). Deena isn't thrilled because, well, who wants to be a target? But she agrees to delegate tasks. Heidi says they are a good group when they pull together for the challenges - it's the battle of the sexes and they are going to kick some butt.

So that must mean it's time for the Reward Challenge! It's basically a big game of "Go Fish." There are 35 matching pairs of various items. Each player has a box in front of them and each box has five items in it. One by one they ask someone else if they have an item. If they match, they get to keep it. The tribe with the most matches wins. And what do they win? Baskets of soap, shampoo, clippers, and the like.

We begin with JoAnna asking Dave if he has pumice. No. Daniel asks the really cute girl with the curly hair if she has soap. Yes, Shawna does have soap. He walks over to introduce himself.

Back and forth they go. The guys go up but then the women tie it up and pull ahead. Along the way, Rob asks Heidi if she has conditioner. No. Deena asks Rob if he has conditioner. Well, of course. (This happens several times.) Then Daniel makes the mistake of asking Heidi if she has conditioner. Nope, she still doesn't. Rob points out that he had already asked that. Whoops! Then Jeanne comes back and asks Daniel if he has conditioner. Yes, of course. Ouch. Later, Shawna asks Rob if he has conditioner, which of course he doesn't because it was taken. He points out that somebody already took it, and then jokes that Heidi doesn't have any either. Host Jeff Probst interrupts to ask Rob if that witty repartee usually works with the women. Um, well, no, Rob says it usually doesn't. But then Jenna says actually he should hear what the women say about him at camp. Whoa. Rob's heart stops.

Back to the game. The women need only one more item to make 18 matches, which is a majority of the 35 possible. Jeanne asks Dave if he has shampoo. Yes! The women win! Actually, this isn't too much of a surprise since last week's previews showed them all bathing and stuff, which kind of implied that they won the bathing items…

As the guys go back to camp, Rob says he won something better than a Reward - finding out that maybe some of the girls want to "get with" him. Dave says he'll give up his bed so Rob can have room for two. Rob notes that Heidi is hot but could probably use that shampoo and soap right now. She's normally a 9 ½ but right now is hovering around a 6. For his part, Daniel thinks that perhaps Shawna digs him.

One woman who is not liked is JoAnna - at least by Rob. He says she kept yelling that Jesus likes Jaburu. Rob says he didn't think Jesus really had a preference. Heh. But if he did, well, Jesus was a guy, so obviously he'd be rooting for the guys.

Getting back to the hot women, Alex says Jenna has an engaging smile. Dave says she's the hot chick at the bar waiting for the right guy - but if you're not him, she'll turn you down flat. However, her butt is so sexy, he says. Butch says he doesn't consider Jenna a hotty - he's 50 so he's not supposed to look at her that way… but…

Back at Jaburu, the women are bathing. Christy says they are self-conscious about bathing in front of the others. She bathes with Jeanne and Deena. She says the other girls her age go off and don't invite her, and fine, she accepts that. But then she imitates them and it's kind of amusing.

In her own words, Heidi says the cuter girls - herself, Jenna, and Shawna - go off to bathe separately because they're cuter and younger and that's a big issue with the older women. They don't want the older women judging them. They even take off their tops to get zestfully clean. Shawna says it's like a soap commercial gone wrong. But it felt good to be partially naked. I bet the cameramen thought so, too. Heidi adds that if the men have the idea of them bathing topless on their minds, it will distract them.

Back over with the men, they are distracted not by thoughts of naked women, but by plotting against one another. While fishing together, Matthew is trying to get a feel for where Dave is going - Roger or Daniel. Dave is clear that he wants Daniel out. Meanwhile, Rob and Alex are talking about the same subject. Matthew admits to Dave that if you base the vote on performance at the challenges, Daniel is the choice. But if you base it on personality, Roger should go. Matthew adds that he doesn't trust Alex - Dave agrees.

Dave and Matthew come back with a few guppy-sized fish they've caught as Dave confides in us that the focus up until now has been on survival, but the game is to eliminate 15 other people. Matthew cooks up some fish soup while Rob privately makes fun of him. Alex says he's gone back and forth a couple times. He also notes that Rob has put up a good front, playing the goofy kid. He wants to get rid of Roger but Roger has Butch and Dave on his side against Daniel. Meanwhile Rob has Daniel and Matthew against Roger. So Alex realizes he's the swing vote.

Back to the women, where they are working and the editors put their machete-swinging and shoveling and various other tasks to music in an amusing little segment. Shawna says Deena is doing well as the leader - she can come off as bossy, but, well, they picked her to do that! Deena says the net effect of having leadership is that they got five pots of water boiled, worked on the roof, got debris cleared from the campsite area, etc. Plus, there are people who are catching fish - some pretty good-sized ones, even. Of course, JoAnna thanks Jesus for them.

After the immunity challenge info is mailed to them, the women seem to prepare like an army getting ready for battle. These clips are juxtaposed with the men asking the Magic 8-Ball questions about if they're going to score with the women. Even Roger joins in! Another amusing segment - the editors have done some work for this episode.

When they arrive for the challenge, we see that the guys have added some blue feathers to the immunity idol. Probst asks the women what they think about them adding their colors to it. They say they had it first and they'll remove the feathers later.

The challenge is as follows: The entire tribe is trapped in a cage with a hatch at the top. (No, no, not Rich Hatch!) There is a rope with knots in it holding a machete in place. They have to work as a group to untie the knots, get the machete, cut some more rope, release a plank, get a pole, use the pole to get three keys, use those keys to unlock three locks, and pop the hatch. First to do it wins.

The women take an early lead but the men catch up and tie. Dave takes the machete and seems to easily cut the ropes while Shawna struggles (didn't they learn their lesson about Shawna and rope?). But somehow, Dave misses one and the women charge ahead while the men struggle to cut the last rope. And struggle. And struggle. It's pathetic. The women get the pole and get all three keys. The men are still working on that rope. Sheesh. The women easily win! They take the immunity idol and immediately pull out the blue feathers, saying to the men, "You forgot something." Ouch. That's gotta sting.

Back at the men's camp, the scheming continues. Rob tells Roger that Daniel is looking for votes to get rid of him. Roger says he's at wits' end with Daniel and close to bursting. Rob figures this is a good thing since when two people go at it, it helps him. To make sure he's covered all the bases, Rob tells Daniel that he's voting with him. Daniel says he's trying to get a group with Rob, Matthew, and Alex. He knows Rob wants Roger gone, but he also knows he'll only vote against him if the numbers are there to make sure it happens. Daniel further tells Alex that Rob will vote however Alex does. Dave notes that he doesn't trust anyone. Now that he hears how Alex has been trying to be friends with everyone, he wonders what else he's been missing. Roger, meanwhile, seems quite confident that he will be staying and Daniel won't.

So it's time for Tribal Council. Probst begins by asking Rob how they feel. Rob says they don't feel great - they are at Tribal Council for the second time, which is two more times than any of them wanted to be there! Dave notes that eight guys don't want to lose to eight girls. It's been a slow start but he's confident they can come back.

Roger says they are letting down their gender, but they did all they could (I would say that Roger has let down his gender more by the way he's acted than any challenges they've lost). Probst asks Matthew how hungry he is. On a scale of 1-10, an 8. Alex says an 8 or 9.

Daniel is asked how much they are fishing. A couple hours a day. Prost asks Roger is he has been fishing. No. He's not a fisherman. Matthew? Yes. How much today? About an hour. So, Probst wonders, would you say you're putting forth all of your effort? Matthew admits they could put some more in.

Moving to friendships, Probst asks Daniel who he has bonded with. Daniel says Matthew, because he is probably more Chinese that Daniel! He further notes that he is one Asian guy in a group with seven white guys, so he stands out. Rob jumps on this and says it is completely false - they have never said that he is any different from them. They are all from different places and unique. Well, that is probably true for Rob, but then he didn't hear Roger's "kung fu chop" line…

Roger says he had a problem with Daniel when he asked him to go get water and Daniel said he'd need help. Um, no. That's not what he said. Daniel points out that Roger has been barking orders like a drill sergeant rather than asking nicely. So when Roger acted that way he said fine, if you want to do it yourself, you go right ahead. Frankly, I don't blame him one bit.

Time to vote. We only see votes from Daniel and Roger who - not surprisingly - vote for each other. Daniel says Roger has been there six days too long. Roger says that he already explained himself at Tribal Council - Daniel is out of his element and not a team player.

The votes are read. Will it be close? One vote for Daniel. One for Roger. Daniel. Daniel. Daniel. Ouch. Daniel is voted out. We later see that everybody - even Matthew - voted against Daniel. My bet is that they saw which way the vote was turning and nobody wanted to be on the outside. But I suspect the younger tribe members may live to regret this. Twice they've had the chance to get rid of Roger; twice they've given in. He's still a jerk. And he's solidifying his power base.

Probst tells the others they know what they have to do - now they just have to do it.

Daniel's final words are that he doesn't regret anything - he tried his best to start a coup, but it just didn't work. He clarifies his statement from Tribal Council and says he didn't mean anybody knowingly singled him out because of his race, they are just all different. To Roger he says that somebody did a stop payment on his reality check.

Next time - the women tangle with piranhas, and Shawna wants to go home.

David Bloomberg is the Editor of RealityNewsOnline and can be reached at rno@pobox.com.

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