Survivor: The Amazon - Cinderella's Mistakes and the Stepsisters' Quotablesby Ken Kellam III -- 05/06/2003
Like just about everyone else on the planet, I thought one of the "evil stepsisters" would be getting the boot last week. And like everyone else, I had no idea at the start of Thursday night's episode that Christy would see her torch snuffed. But come tribal council time, it should've been obvious that there was a chance she might be headed to jury duty. It REALLY should've been obvious when the only two votes shown were the ones for Jenna. But alas, it wasn't. One of my online friends im'ed me and asked me why Christy, and I reminded her of the footage of Rob talking to the others about giving Christy the boot. Her response: "I must've blinked." She didn't even remember seeing it.
Apparently, she wasn't the only one blindsided. Christy clearly didn't see it coming. And folks, don't get me wrong: I like Christy, and wish she had gone farther. In fact, I was relishing the thought of one of the "Bobsey Twins" getting the heave-ho. But in some ways, it made for a better ending. Let me explain: If anyone had evidence that this was going to happen, I didn't hear about it. In fact, the words on the streets was that Heidi would win immunity, pass it along to Jenna, and get voted out herself. But no such luck. The fact that it was such a surprise just goes to show how unpredictable this season is, and although I wish Christy were still in the game, here are a few observations that may not sit well with her fans:
1. She brought this on herself. It became obvious that she had no idea how much her indecisiveness would weigh on Rob. And in the end, it cost her a chance to beat the other two women. The sad thing is, it was needless, since she ended up voting against Jenna anyway. But like Roger, Deena, and Alex before her, she got a little too cocky for her own good, and thought she had the game wrapped up. When she referred to herself as being in the driver's seat, she apparently didn't realize her seat belt was off and her door was partly open. And that bring us to this question: Why, oh why do the players keep getting cocky? It's almost like it's bad luck to say you're in control. Hopefully, the other five have learned. Well, the other three males anyway.
2. Say what you will about Rob (and many do, and have). Call him a liar, slimeball, or any other adjective. But his engineering the ouster of Christy was brilliant in more ways than one. Not only is she more of a physical threat than the unglamour twins, she's infinitely much more likable. Plus, she's more likely to vote for him against either of them anyway in the final two.
3. As for her comments that she didn't deserve what she got, she should know by now that at this point in the game, "deserve" sometimes has nothing to do with it. Gretchen didn't deserve to miss the jury, but voting her out ended up being pretty good strategy. And does Christy think Dave's ouster was deserved? She voted against him herself, most likely out of strategy, as the others did. Hopefully she will come to see that in the game, people don't always get what they deserve.
Now it's time for some more shots at the unglamour twins. I'm not going to make any pretense of being objective; indeed, I've come to realize that I tune in each week wanting to let 'em have it.. But this week, they've made it even easier than usual. When the show ends, they should both consider careers as sitcom actresses, because some of their quotes are about as funny as anything heard on Everybody Loves Raymond, albeit unintentionally. Let's take a look at some of their better lines:
Jenna: "I didn't think people would sacrifice personal relationships for a gamble." Is she that na´ve, or did she think she had the game that wrapped up? Apparently, she doesn't realize that gambler Rob weighed all the options after Alex's "disclosure" last week, and decided he had better odds by jumping ship.
"We hate him, and me and Heidi cannot ever forgive him." First of all, whichever high school she graduated from must be really embarrassed that she don't speak English too goodly. Of course, maybe it's only appropriate, seeing what a "me-first" person she is anyway. And since when did she start speaking for Heidi? Certainly not as of next week. At least Heidi seems to understand that it's a game.
"I would be embarrassed to know (Rob) because he's such a slimeball." Is Rob just as embarrassed to know her? If not, maybe he should be. She certainly didn't think he was a slimeball when he was on her side. But now that she's in the minority it's obviously a different story.
(To Rob): "You don't care about personal relationships you just care about yourself.." Well boo hoo hoo. Haven't you figured it out by now? What Rob cares about is playing the game. Jenna probably thought he would never betray her simply because she's a swimsuit model. What really makes her upset, probably, is that she is unable to "strut her stuff" to influence the vote.
"Someone stabbed us in the back, and eventually, they'll pay." Honestly, she sounds here like a homecoming queen who just saw her boyfriend run off with one of the attendants, and can't believe someone would shatter her world, which she IS the center of, after all.
"I'm not going to be easy to work with and I'm going to make your life miserable." Translation: "I'm going to pout and suck my thumb and throw a tantrum because I didn't get my way." Then again, she hasn't been easy to work with from the get-go, and has probably made more lives miserable than she knows.
Oh, and let's not forget her famous "It's so hard being beautiful" speech at tribal council. No, those weren't her exact words, but you get the idea. She talked about being attractive as a disadvantage because some people see her as a stupid model. But she's the one who, in the first episode, said she had planned to use her feminine wiles on the guys, something she couldn't do in an all-female tribe. And don't forget how she treated Christy most of the time, not speaking to her for a full six days. If anything, she put herself at a disadvantage with her snotty attitude.
"I've had to work twice as hard to get here." On what, her tan? Wasn't it just last week that she suddenly decided the most physical thing she was going to do was roll over while sunning her bony carcass? And remember, Christy commented that she hadn't seen Jenna do much since the game started. If anything, she had to work half as hard as everyone else once the tribes switched, due to the "drool" factor of guy fawning all over her." Rob had the perfect comeback when he said, "I'm not handsome so I didn't have any handicaps like the girls."
Finally, there's Jenna's most hysterical comment of all, her showstopper, if you will: "I have morals and ethics, and (Rob) has none at all, and I refuse to go along with his crappy plan." Morals and ethics? This must include being lazy, using your body to get what you want, calling someone else a fat pig, threatening to be a pain in the you-know-what because you don't get your way, ostracizing those you deem beneath you, resorting to name-calling when things don't go your way, and stripping for food. Does she not realize Rob is playing a game? If she thinks he has no morals simply because of the way he plays a game, where has she been the last five installments of the show? She's only on her moral high horse now that it looks like she may not be around much longer. I'd be willing to bet that outside of the game, Rob has just as strong morals and ethics as she does.
Heidi had a couple of knee-slappers herself. For example, "I've never felt so manipulated, cheated, and hurt all at the same time." Well, cry me a piranha-infested river! After all, this isn't Heidi's first time to be manipulated. Does anyone else remember how she wrote Jeanne's name down a few tribal councils back? She's simply upset now because she's no longer in the majority.
Then there's her comment that if she had spoken right after tribal council, "Every single cuss word would come out of my mouth." Yeah, I can see it now: "Rob, you #*%. I was planning to be a lazy #*$*%&$# for the last few days of this #*$&% game. How dare you #($*% over someone as beautiful and gorgeous as me, and uh, Jenna too. And as for the rest of you $#$*s, open your $*$ eyes. I'm $*#& beautiful. For you to do this to someone as #*$&% as me is a moral #*$(#*$ sin." Yeah, that would've gone over real well with the school board.
What about her comment that she'd never lied to Christy? Uh, maybe that's because you couldn't be bothered to speak to her most of the game, except when you needed her. Her attempts to win Christy over were absolutely pathetic, and more transparent than a fishnet bathing suit.
When she told her mom, "I played good," meaning cleanly, how loudly must Jeanne have laughed while watching the episode? Did Heidi tell her mom about how she bared it all for some food? The sad thing is, she and Jenna honestly think they've played with morals and ethics, but flaunted their power when they were in the majority. If this is playing good, I'd hate to see what she considers dirty.
I will say this for Heidi: She at least realizes it's a game, and Rob is simply playing to win. But when she says she would not have done what he did, she apparently doesn't know about his earlier conversation with Alex. I have a feeling that given the circumstances, she would have done exactly what he did. The key is probably that she and Jenna think he backstabbed just for the sake of backstabbing, when in reality, he knew where he stood and did something about it.
Well, this week, the unglamour twins apparently cannibalize each other, if the previews are to be believed. How ironic is it that despite being the last two females left in the game, one of them is most likely going next week? After all, Butch is their father's age and too smart to fall for their act, Matthew knows how they've acted, and Rob is playing the game. Of course, now that he kept them both here another three days, he's got morals and ethics again. At least we won't have to wait long to see the final outcome, and here's a prediction: If she ends up on the jury, Jenna will deliver the nastiest "snakes and rats" speech of all at final tribal council.
Ken can be reached with any comments, criticisms, or money orders at YourNextOfKen@aol.com.
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