Paradise Hotel, July 7: But I’m A Cheerleader!by Jeffrey Clinard -- 07/08/2003
When we last left Paradise Hotel, the place had turned into a war zone, with several people fighting. Kavita entered amid the fray and selected Zack as her roommate, making out with him their first night in bed. This pushed guest Amanda into the single room. As we begin the new episode, the couples are living together as follows:
Charla and Dave: Yellow Room
As we join the guests in Paradise, Charla confronts Dave about the rumors concerning their sexual activity (which is none). Apparently, Dave is joking around about it, saying, "I did not have sex with that woman." Cut to a scene where Dave pulls Charla's thong out of his pants pocket, feigning surprise at finding it there, and indeed saying, "I did not have sex with that woman." She wants Dave to go over to everybody and straighten out the record while she watches. He agrees, and goes over and tells the group he hasn't done anything with Charla. Zack tells him to drop the whole act because it's old and stupid. Charla just wants everybody clear on the matter. "OK, fine," responds Dave.
Later, the men and women are eating separately again, and a waiter delivers an envelope for guest Amanda. She opens it and finds out she's getting a private luxury excursion with the man of her choice. Toni tells her that everybody knows she's going to pick Beau, though Charla tells her that she can have Dave. Toni tells her to have fun, no matter what she does or whom she picks.
Guest Amanda wanders around the hotel, and we're treated to some flashbacks documenting the ups and downs of her relationship with Beau. Then she picks him for their outing. It's a boat trip, complete with waterskiing. Beau looks like me on the skis: having fun and wanting to do it, but not actually being very good. Beau tells her he's trying to impress her. She laughs and tells him he hasn't impressed her yet. Later on they both try waterskiing at the same time, and guest Amanda doesn't do very well either. They finally give up and go to a beach, where they write "Amanda & Beau" in the sand. How touching. Beau tells us that it's been great to get away from the hotel and to get to know guest Amanda better on a personal level. The experience with her today is more like what they'd experience on a real date without any of the other guests around. After they eat, Beau sprays her with sunscreen and rubs it in her skin. Guest Amanda tells us that when it comes down to it, the object is to stay in the game as long as possible, and that's what they are trying to do for each other.
Back at the hotel, Charla and Dave are having another discussion. She doesn't believe anything he's saying, but he responds by throwing the way she publicly humiliated him back in her face. He says it was a horrible thing she did to him, but he's forgiven her. She goes on to tell him that just because she did something wrong doesn't mean she doesn't feel wronged at the same time. After the talk, Charla stalks off and Dave immediately goes over to where the other men are. He asks them, "Is she out of her mind?" while the guys laugh. He tells them that they agreed what she said about her not wanting him to touch her bare skin was a horrible thing, but they agreed to put it aside. Charla told him she was happy that he forgave her. Dave is stunned that Charla thinks they can go on after the way she embarrassed him. As far as Dave is concerned, he's had it with her.
That evening, Charla tells Dave and Kavita good night. "Going to sleep early?" asks Dave. "Don't tell me what to do," responds Charla. Charla then kisses Kavita on each cheek and goes to bed. Dave tells her he'll be in their room soon. Then he starts plotting with Kavita. He suggests that if she picks him, Charla will be more likely to stay, though he then concedes he thinks nobody will want to keep her. He goes on and says that he's being honest with her, and tells her that while he likes and made an effort to get to know Charla, Kavita saw what happened at the Pandora's Box game. He says he's probably the nicest guy at the resort, but she made him out to be creepy. Kavita contradicts him on that, saying that people won't think that he's a perv, just that Charla doesn't like people touching her.
Meanwhile Toni and Scott are having drinks at the bar. Toni tells him she owes him a big apology, because she broke trust with him. Flashback to last week's roommate selection, where she chose Alex over him (and Zack). She apologizes to him, but Scott tells her he's having fun; the best time of his life.
Another group has formed on the steps, where Zack tells Kavita that he said she acts like a cheerleader, and he still says she acts like a cheerleader. Well, according to the Fox official show website, Amy is the pro cheerleader, though her caption last episode said she was a dental assistant. Kavita tells Zack it's obvious he doesn't like cheerleaders. Zack responds by saying that apparently she knows all about him after being in Paradise for two days. He brags that every girl he dated in high school was a cheerleader. He points at Kavita, and tells her he, in fact, dated the whole cheerleading squad. Kavita tells him it's rude to point at somebody like that. He responds by saying he'll point at whomever he wants to. She tells him she was raised to think it was rude. He then dismisses her thoughts because she was raised in Florida, then says she sounds dumb and cocky. He then gets on her case about pointing, and she apologizes, and tells him to point at anybody he wants.
Kavita goes off to the Bird Room while Amy and Zack talk. Zack tells her he's a country boy, and he doesn't bow his head to anybody. He claims he's more intelligent that some “**** wannabe probably bitch.” He says people can't argue with him because he's a debater and he has lawyer in him. He gloats that he made Kavita say she was wrong, and that she didn't know enough about him to make those statements. He doesn't want her **** criticism, because he doesn't know if her criticism would be good for him. He continues to rant and say that nobody tells him what he can do; he's 24, and if wants to point at somebody, he's going to point. So he's going to talk to her really quick. Before he leaves, Amy tells him he can sleep with her and Beau in the Monkey Room if he wants.
Despite his tough talk with Amy, he starts off by apologizing to Kavita if she's mad at him. He didn't mean to hurt her feelings with what he said. Kavita tells him it takes a lot more than that to hurt her feelings. She feels fine, and as long as he doesn't feel uncomfortable… Zack notes that she's hardly talking, and has her back turned to him. "Wow, maybe I'm acting like you," is her response. She tells him good night. Zack goes back to the Monkey Room, and gets in the mini bed. Beau offers to let him sleep in the big bed with Amy, but he turns him down. Amy kisses Zack good night, and gets on the couch, while Beau takes the big bed.
The next day, Alex has big news for the group: Scott and Dave are going to play tennis, and the loser will have to dress up in his roommate’s clothes, then have dinner in drag. So they go over to the tennis court to battle it out. Dave starts winning, and the other men start ragging on Scott. They get an even bigger kick out of it when Dave ends up winning the match. The guys toss a bucket of ice on Dave to celebrate his win, then they ask Scott for comments about what just happened. "I was told I look good in black," he replies. He's willing to pay off the bet; says he'll be wearing a dress to dinner, and notes he looks good in heels. They then do a mock post-game interview of Dave. He tells them Scott played hard, he's never quite played that well before, and he can't wait to see Scott in a dress.
Afterwards, Beau goes in for a chat with guest Amanda. He tells her he'll accept her as his roommate, but he's frightened that she won't pick him. She asks him if he has another girl in mind if she doesn't pick him. He tells her he's already told Amy he doesn't want any of his close girlfriends to go home, and there are some people he'd prefer to check out than others. He's also got a weird feeling that Amanda won't be able to pick him.
Meanwhile, Charla answers the phone to find Amy on the other end of the line. Amy wants to know if Charla is going with the original plan or not. Nobody is sure who they are picking and she's freaking out. Charla tells her that if she can pick the same person, she's going to pick Dave. She's trying to figure out how they are going to work it all out. Amy asks her if she remember the original plan. Charla tells her she doesn't even remember her own original plan. She tells her Toni is the plan maker. Amy thinks so, but then Charla tells her maybe guest Amanda is the plan maker. She tells Amy to call guest Amanda. Amy hangs up, and Beau tells her he knows what is going to happen, and it's not going to be good. In a confessional, Scott tells us that eventually one of the guys will decide which girl is going home, and that guy will probably be Dave.
Zack then calls Dave and tells him that the guys have accepted him into the group. They liked the way he beat Scott at tennis, and they didn't know he was as funny as he was. Zack tells him they can't strategize because the game is a bitch. He proceeds to try by telling Dave he knows he made up with Charla, but if it came down to a choice between her and Amy, it would be miserable without Amy around. Everybody loves Amy, but the feeling isn't there with Charla. Zack wants to know it will be A or C, just so Amy knows. Dave responds that he doesn't know yet, but it would probably be the first one (Amy; he's talking in code since Charla is packing up around him). Dave assures Zack that any decision he makes won't just be for him, but for the group.
Charla and Dave have a chat later on. Dave tells Charla that Zack said Amy was picking him, but Amy hasn't even once talked to him about it. Charla admits that she told Amy on the phone that she would pick him if they were allowed to keep their current roommate. Dave responds that the expectation is that he'd pick Amy over Charla, sending her home. He reminds her of the Pandora's Box fallout. Charla tells him she'll understand if he doesn't pick her, because she knows she hurt his feelings and she can't rewrite the past. Dave tells her that if he picks her over Amy, the rest of the group will never get over it, and will plot to remove him. Charla tells him to do what he's got to do.
It's time to dress for dinner, and the focus is on Scott. Alex and Toni assist him in getting ready, and try to decide what size boobies he should have. Dave also enjoys the moment as Scott puts on some kind of feminine top and skirt. Scott tells him that it's going to be the worst humiliation of his entire life. The group treats him to catcalls, and Scott simply responds that he lost a bet, but he's a man of his word. Zack points out that Scott's boobs are lopsided, and Alex says he still wants to see Scott in a dress.
After dinner, host Amanda gathers the guests together and tells them that in a few moments, they'll be picking roommates. At the end of it, one of the women will be left unattached, and will have to leave Paradise forever. This time, there are no rules. The women can pick whichever guy tickles their fancy. Guest Amanda, as the outsider, gets to select first. In an unsurprising move, she picks Beau. She tells host Amanda that the two of them have come to an understanding, and the emotion is definitely there. Amy is up next, and selects Alex. Host Amanda questions her - when Kavita picked Zack, Amy said she'd get Zack back if she could. Amy responds that she and Alex would be roommates sooner or later, so why not now? Zack doesn't look too happy about it. Toni is third to pick, and makes a beeline straight for Scott. Why is she picking him now when she rejected him last week? Toni tells us that she broke her word with Scott last week, so she's making up for it now. If she leaves, her conscious will be clear. Kristen selects Zack next. Time for Charla to pick. Host Amanda reminds us she's been living with Dave and he's still available, but she can pick anybody she wants. Dave doesn't look like he wants Charla to pick him. Charla acts like she's picked Beau, but then goes over to select Dave. Host Amanda questions her decision, noting they had words over the Pandora's Box game. She tells her that Dave has forgiven her, and accepts her for who she is, and that's awesome. Kavita is the last to select a roommate. Host Amanda reminds us she picked Zack last week, and we're treated to some flashbacks of their relationship: her asking him if he wanted her, their making out, Zack's comments about her being dumb and cocky, and her giving him the cold shoulder before he went off to sleep in the Monkey Room with Beau and Amy. Kavita goes out and kisses Dave, but ends up selecting Scott. With that, four couples have formed, and they are instructed to go to the couch, while Scott has to make his decision between Kavita and Toni.
Scott tells Kavita he's liked her since the moment she arrived, and that she speaks her mind. He respects that. Toni starts to look worried. Scott goes on to say it's the toughest decision he's had to make since he's been at Paradise Hotel. With that, he tells Kavita he has to go with Toni. He kisses Kavita on the cheek, and tells her he's sorry. Toni isn't. Zack doesn't look too happy either. Host Amanda tells Scott and Toni to take their place on the couch. Turning to Kavita, she tells her she knows the rules, and she has to get her bags and leave Paradise forever. A few people look sad, but nobody is crying like they did the last time somebody had to check out.
OK,. Kavita, here is where you went wrong. The group is pretty tight, but there were cracks in it. In particular, you should have selected Dave as your roommate. Charla hurt his feelings when she said she didn't like him touching her bare skin, and he might have been ready to dump her after that went down. In addition, Charla isn't well liked by the group, and Dave might have jettisoned her to make the rest of them happy.
We switch from Paradise to Los Angeles, with host Amanda noting that Kavita had the shortest stay in Paradise ever (as if the show has been on for years). She went from fan of the show to star of the show back to fan of the show in just one week. Still, the rules remain the same: when a guest checks out, a new guest of the opposite sex will check in. She goes to the monitor, where the existing hotel guests are introduced via satellite. Host Amanda asks how they are all doing. "Great" is the unanimous reply. She then notes that they selected Kavita last week, but now she's no longer there. Host Amanda asks Zack to tell everybody about his up and down relationship with Kavita. He grins, and says that Kavita was too much of a cheerleader for him. He couldn't talk to her without wanting to fall asleep. Zack gets booed by the audience. Host Amanda goes on to Alex, reminding us that he and Beau had a huge fight the other night. Flashbacks are shown of their fight. So, have they kissed and made up? Alex says they have; they let a stupid girl get between them, and it won't happen again. The rest of the hotel guests drop their jaws at the "stupid girl" statement. Guest Amanda is obviously displeased by the remark. Host Amanda asks guest Amanda to comment. She says that apparently she's the stupid girl who got between them. She didn't mean any harm, and wants them to be OK with each other. Host Amanda puts Dave on the spot next, asking him if he used any particular technique when he and Kristen were kissing during the kissing game, or was he just holding on for dear life (flashback to Kristen kissing him; she was the only one who went at him hot and heavy). Dave tells her that when you're the new guy around, you take what you can get. Host Amanda thanks the guests and introduces the new contestants.
The first contestant is a 27-year-old musician from Dallas, Texas: Matthew Jacee. His audition video features him in a muscle shirt giving his background and telling us that he likes to have a lot of fun. Scenes are flashed of him playing his guitar and kissing girls. He claims that what makes him different from the rest of the people on the show is that he has heart. He doesn't care if a girl is blond, brunette, or redhead - it's all in the personality. What sticks is talking with somebody and having a connection. He's sure that the five girls at the hotel will pick him. He joins host Amanda on stage in a sleeveless shirt and leather pants. Host Amanda asks him who he's going to clash with on Paradise Hotel and why. His selection is Dave, because he's competition. When asked what kind of competition, he says athletic competition, and that he can bring it on. Dave tells us that he's not worried. Host Amanda repeats the statement, and Matt responds that Dave looks worried. Host Amanda assures him that he'll shake things up at Paradise Hotel - if he's selected.
The next candidate is a 24-year-old real estate investor from Atlanta, Georgia: Bryan Krause. Bryan has a shaved head and tells us he's from down South where the players play. He says he should be on Paradise Hotel since he's been watching it like the rest of America, and the guys that are on the show need to go back to the gym. He says that being without hair makes people think he's meaner that he really is, but girls like it, so he's going to keep it for a while. He joins host Amanda in the studio, where she asks him if there is anybody at the hotel he'll butt heads or clash with. He says he learned a long time ago how to hold his liquor and not make a fool of himself, then coughs "Dave." Still, he's not naming names. Uh, I think you just did. He then goes on to say that he doesn't hang out with people like that; he only hangs out with people who know how to have a good time. Dave responds that he doesn't hang out with people like Bryan.
Time for the guests to grill the candidates. Guest Amanda is up first. She tells Matthew she loves musicians, and wants him to make up a really quick song about her. "Today I might be alone, and tomorrow it might be the same, but there is one that I'll always know, you might be my roommate someday," he sings. Well, improv musician he's not, but guest Amanda seems to like it just the same. Charla's question is for Bryan. She says he has the whole "Mr. Clean" thing going on. Does he shave anywhere else? He tells her that the only hair on him is on his chin and armpits. So yeah, he does shave other places. Charla and Kristen seem to like that answer. The men don't. Alex reminds Matthew that he said he didn't mind if girls were blond, brunette, or redheads. Is it really true, or is he just settling for what he can get? Matt responds that he doesn't care; personality says it all. He then suggests that Alex doesn't have a personality. He's just going to bring his game. Toni asks the next question. She tells Matthew he has this whole John Travolta flavor going on. She wants him to do an impersonation of Vinnie Barbarino from Welcome Back Kotter, and she wants it right now. He goes up to the screen and tells her he'll walk back from there so that she can see his backside. Toni responds that is what she wants to see. Dave closes out the question round. He asks Bryan since he is from where the players play, if he makes it to Paradise, is he going to play any of them? Bryan says his bad; he wasn't listening, since he was trying to imagine Dave with a personality. Dave seems to laugh it off, but Toni opens her mouth in astonishment. We then get a glimpse of the audience, where one girl is holding up a sign that says "Dave, We (Heart) Your Man Boobs."
Host Amanda thanks the guests for their questions, and tells us that the ladies of Paradise Hotel will get to select which man will get to join them. She then offers each man a final opportunity to charm the women. The men get into position, and Matt goes first. He says the group is a family, and he likes family. He wants to go to the family and bring a lot of energy, and that's what he thinks he can do. He's going to leave the drama behind and bring the party to them.
Bryan tells the ladies he wrote a little rhyme while waiting in the studio. It goes like this:
I'm dying for the chance
You know you just can't trust
A guy wearing leather pants."
Matt doesn't look too happy, and neither do the women at Paradise Hotel. Bryan closes out by saying he hopes to see them soon in Paradise.
So it's time to find out which guy will get the ticket to Paradise. Amy is the spokesperson for the girls. She tells both of the guys that they are both wonderful people, and it took a lot of guts for them to get up and do what they did. However, they can only invite one of them to join them. She then tells Matt to pack his bags; he's coming to Paradise! Host Amanda reminds the guests that when Matt arrives, he'll have his choice of any of the ladies to be his roommate. She then tells them that she and Matt will be there in a few hours. She closes out the show by giving the usual reminder that you can go from fan of the show to star of the show by going to paradiseonfox.com, and leads Matthew to the limousine that will take him to Paradise.
Next time, it's a special 90-minute episode. Matthew arrives, but the "rock star's" sexy moves on the women don't make fans out of the men. Zack and Amy have another fight. Guest Amanda juggles Beau, Matt, and Alex. The producers blatantly rip off the upcoming Big Brother 4: The X-Factor by bringing guest Amanda's old boyfriend to the hotel. We're promised the event will turn every relationship on Paradise Hotel upside down.
Jeffrey Clinard lives in Las Vegas, Nevada, with his cats, Lam and Princess. He can be reached at email@example.com.
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