America’s Next Top Model, Episode 6: The Princess and the Air Mattress

Week 6’s episode starts with the women “reeling” from Giselle’s expulsion the previous week. OK, so the only acknowledgement that Giselle was ever even living with the wannabe models is Adrianne’s comment that when Giselle wasn’t annoying her, she was really pretty great. In summary, Giselle was never “really pretty great.” Adrianne sure knows how to dish out the compliments, doesn’t she?

We are next introduced to the head of the women’s division at Wilhelmina Models: a large bald man named Pink. Yes, you read that correctly. I’m not sure how many times I actually backed the TiVo up just to make sure I got that right, but there is a man out there who actually chose to call himself Pink. You know what really gets me? I understand that the majority of folks involved in the design of clothing, etc. are very artistic and not your everyday average Joe (read: “boring”) people. But how do you keep a straight face when a sizeable bald man introduces himself as Pink? Or when a black man in nothing but a t-shirt and heels comes out and tells you he is going to teach you how to walk on a catwalk? (And these aren’t just random nuts running around claiming to be in the fashion business; these are very well respected people in the industry!) Is it just me, or does anyone else think it would be hard to not start giggling uncontrollably when a man tells you his name is Pink?

Anyway, Pink (is that Mr. Pink, if you’re nasty?) advises the women on their portfolios and explains how to approach a go-see. (He tells Elyse he could book her on the snake photo alone. I love this Master Pink guy. He obviously knows what’s going on.) Then he drops the bomb that they are all going to Paris. I thought Shannon’s entire face was just going to peel right off her head - starting with her mouth, of course. Adrianne starts to cry, she’s so excited; she then says she’s never been anywhere outside of the United States.

I have to say that Adrianne is really starting to grow on me. Initially, I was rooting for Elyse and thought Adrianne’s behavior was just plain strange. Now, I am slowly starting to believe Adrianne could win this thing (even with that speech impediment). When I started writing my first recap for this show I went back and looked at all the wannabe models’ photos (my in-depth “research”) and realized that Adrianne photographs really well. (Obviously she is pretty and photographs well, or else she wouldn’t be on this show.) Maybe the fashion experts on this show and all their fashion knowledge are having a positive effect on me? Maybe I’ll grab a T-shirt, some 7” heels, and start calling myself Mistinguette. Or maybe not.

Master P concludes his meetings with the ladies by telling them, "The one thing you have to remember when going to Paris is that the intelligent model traveler packs one bag."

Cut to Robin literally shoveling every conceivable item (I think I saw a frying pan) she possibly can into her suitcase. God, I love this editing team! They may as well have scrolled the words “This woman is not intelligent” along the bottom of the TV screen. Heh.

This is where I realize Robin has a wheelbarrow full of cash somewhere. For some reason this fact eluded me until now. The woman is rolling in dough. (Methinks it is probably daddy’s dough, considering she lists her profession as a day care assistant.) I might be way off base here, but I am thinking keeping mommy and daddy happy with her behavior (or should I say “performance”) might have a lot to do with how much of an allowance she gets. But that is a story for Episode Seven.

So the models leave the Flatotel for Paris. Oh yeah - and Shannon whines about not having a boyfriend. Maybe because all the men are afraid that if they kissed you, your jaw would detach and you would swallow them whole with that gigantic mouth of yours? Just a thought.

They get to Paris and the taxi ride is funny. Adrianne declares Paris to be the most beautiful city in the world. She acknowledges that she used to think New York was the most beautiful city in the world because she had never been there before this program. Now it is Paris. Hey, Adrianne, you should check out Detroit. No threat to New York or Paris there.

The wannabe models are expecting to stay at some gorgeous fancy Ritz Carlton or something (why? Because they have been “working” so hard?); instead, they are dropped off by the taxi in front of a very quaint, understated hotel. This obviously chaps Robin’s hide (she has no problem letting her disappointment show, in front of the hotel owner no less); if she only knew what was coming next… Horror of horrors, they have to carry their own bags! Up three flights of stairs with no elevator, no less! Hey, Robin! Maybe if you had spent a little less time complaining and a little more time working out during your gym sessions, you would be able to haul that monstrous bag up three flights of stairs. Then again, I don’t think even AH-NOLD could carry that bag up three flights of stairs.

Robin finally makes it up the stairs to the ONE room that they have to – GASP - share! And worse yet, there are ONLY THREE BEDS! And just when you thought the dreadfulness couldn’t get any worse: ONLY ONE BATHROOM!!!

I am surprised Robin didn’t just throw herself out the window.

Instead, she starts throwing her many personal items on a bed in an attempt to claim one of the three beds for herself. Elyse insists that they draw straws in order to determine (fairly) who gets a bed and who’s forced to sleep on an air mattress on the floor. As luck would have it, Robin draws the short straw and is relegated to the floor. Maybe she didn’t pray hard enough that morning. Who knows? All I can say is it is rather reflective of what people think about you when they all privately find it hysterical that you have to sleep on the floor. And Robin, making such an effort to put on a brave face, states later, “I’m not so special that I can’t sleep on the air mattress.” Really? You’re not? Since when? Which personality is this talking? (It is difficult to believe that Robin actually believes what she is saying when she’s making a face like she just bit into an incredibly sour lemon while she is saying it.)

The model wannabes “explore” a bit of Paris in the rain and return to their one room to prepare for dinner. This is a problem for the CCOD because the women actually have to change clothes in front of each other. (Where were these girls in high school? Nobody had to change for a gym class?) My favorite part of this episode came when Adrianne recognizes Robin’s uneasiness. Adrianne screams out at Elyse, “Hey Elyse, how bad does your cooch smell right now?” Heh! My goodness, I thought Robin was going to run from the room screaming, “Take me away from these devil-worshipping foul-mouthed sinners!!” But instead, she’s submitted to more of Adrianne’s vile language as Adrianne asks Elyse, “How do you say ‘Adrianne has enormous cha-chas’ in French?”

Robin, never one to appreciate a good joke (particularly when it’s on her), interviews, "When Adrianne says things that are inappropriate, I might look at her in the way a teacher would look at you if you did something inappropriate in class." She follows this statement with a comment along the lines of her being a lady and she doesn’t act like that or talk like that. No, but she’ll steal a bed away from you in no time flat if you let her. And she will stay up all night blowdrying her hair while four other women, all staying in the same room, try to sleep. Very considerate, Christian behavior - good job, Robin! Way to represent!

The photo shoot the next morning is for Wonderbra, which means OHMYGOD, they have to model UNDERWEAR! But just when you think things can’t get any worse (scary music please), they have to pose with a MAN! Who’s in HIS underwear! And to add injury to insult here, this man isn’t just any man, but happens to be the guy whose poster Shannon has on her wall back at the Flatotel! Heh. Coincidence you ask? Methinks not.

The only reason Shannon has his poster on her wall, in all honesty, is because he claimed in his interview that his favorite book was the Bible. Well, as Adrianne points out later, he also said his favorite movie was Boogie Nights. Heh. You figure it out.

All the model wannabes pose with Brad the Bible-loving hunk. Robin states that there are “some things you don’t like, but you do because of the job.” Remember that quote, ladies and gentlemen.

The girls all go out to dinner with Brad, and later Brad and Shannon take a walk by themselves. This was actually painful to watch. Shannon just has no social grace and poor Brad was clearly not getting paid enough by the producers to deal with it.

The next day the model-wannabes face their extremely challenging assignment. (I refuse to call these “challenges” any longer.) They have to go to as many go-sees as they can during the day using only the Metro. Somewhere along the line it comes up that they are supposed to go “solo,” but I thought that just meant the models couldn’t travel together in a big pack. Or is it a gaggle when it is group of models? A pod? A brace? Hmm...

Kesse gets sidetracked and stops to shop. Ah, the attention span of the twentysomething young model in Paris. Robin finally gets smart and asks a Parisian to help her. It just so happens he is young and cute and more than willing to show her where all of her go-sees are, as well as a few of his own go-sees, I’m sure. (In the end, she paid him for his help - another revelation that Robin’s got money.) Elyse does it all on her own, and Adrianne somehow gets felt-up by some dirty old man. Um, Adrianne, you could probably benchpress that guy. That was just weird.

The final go-see is actually the hotel where the eliminations are to take place. The judges all rip into the models. Blah blah, Kimora thinks everyone is too skinny except Robin (maybe that is because she is too fat? And I don’t mean fat with a PH), Janice is rude and mean and I LOVE HER, Tyra babbles some type of nonsense (as usual), but thankfully does NOT use the word FIERCE in this elimination round, and apparently Beau is jealous of Robin’s “escort.” At least that’s the only explanation I can come up with as to why he would even care how she got to her go-sees. She used the Metro and she didn’t go with any of the other models. (This will be the only time I ever stick up for Robin, but I think it was smart of her to find a local person to help her.) If she had asked a young lady for help, would the criticisms have been so harsh, Beau? Did you have a difficult time finding a young male Parisian to escort you around Paris? Is that the real problem here, Beau?

Time for eliminations... Elyse is the “one woman who took Paris by storm” (yay, Elyse - you get down with your bad “little fawn”-like self). Shannon gets the helpful suggestion that she needs to “be more edgy, less safe.” Gee, thanks, Tyra; I’m sure she’ll work on that. Robin is told, “Engage your own brain instead of someone else’s,” and that door is just left WIDE open. There are so many things to say here that I just can’t say anything at all. So Kesse and Adrianne are called up to the front for the replay, again, of what the ultimate winner will receive, and are reminded that the loser tonight has to pack immediately and return home. Kesse is left without a photo, and this time even the judges are crying. Wow, who knew they had feelings? All along I picked Kesse to make it far, only because she was such a Tyra clone. I didn’t think Tyra could do it to herself. Too bad, really - Kesse was the only “Christian” I was rooting for.

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