Paradise Hotel, July 9: Hell in Paradise

When we last left Paradise, Kavita had checked out, Matt was checking in, and the couples were living together as follows:

Charla and Dave: Yellow Room
Kristin and Zack: Bird Room
Amanda and Beau: Monkey Room
Toni and Scott: Blue Room
Amy and Alex: Butterfly Room

We begin the show with a brief recap of the events which have transpired at Paradise Hotel over the past few weeks. In short, guest Amanda and Beau become a couple, fight, and make up; Zack and Amy become a couple, fight, and make up; Charla and Dave become a couple, fight, and make up... you get the idea. The full recaps are available here on RealityNewsOnline. The one piece of information that's new is that in the end, only one couple will remain at the hotel, and will win the "Ultimate Prize". That's a nice juicy tidbit for new guests to tell the old ones, but what exactly this prize is remains a mystery for now.

In Paradise, the guests discuss the selection of Matt over Bryan. Apparently they didn't like the way Bryan insulted Dave. Indeed, all of the past selections have shown that the candidate who belittles the existing guests the least has been the one selected. That's something for new candidates to consider. In any case, the girls want to know if the guys are OK with their selection. Beau makes fun of the ballad Matt sang to guest Amanda during the selection process. He has his own idea of what a rocker should sound like. Zack is amazed the girls found the guy attractive. He mocks Matt's hair and leather pants. Toni tells him that they thought Bryan was running his mouth too much. She goes off and talks with Kristin, guest Amanda, and Toni, telling them Zack is all pissed at the choice. Later, while talking to Amy and Scott, she talks about the girl holding the "Dave, We (Heart) Your Man-Boobs" sign. Scott thinks Dave has a good sense of humor, but guest Amanda thinks the comments got to him. She's proven right when Dave leans back toward them from his nearby table and tells them to "stop f**king discussing it!" Dave's confessional reveals that Toni keeps sticking her nose into everything, and he'd like her to just leave things alone once in a while. Dave calls it an early night, and says there isn't any need for anybody to go and talk with him. The others note that he's unhappy.

Despite his comments, Charla goes to their room later that night and asks him if he wants to talk. She notes he's been having a lot of down days, and he responds by saying that he’s learned that he never should have come in the first place. He says it sucks, but the most he can do is get himself voted off in four days and go back to his life. He hopes he hasn't damaged his reputation as much as he thinks he has. The sign hurt him, but he blames himself for bringing it up (flashback to the scene were he proudly said, "I have man-boobs!"). Dave goes on to say that the show hit him in his two areas of sensitivity. Matt and Bryan both took pot shots at him during the interview, Matt mocking his physical body and Bryan his ability to relate to women. Charla tells him to say things to show he's tough. Dave confesses that he's not. Charla puts aside her repulsion at feeling his bare skin long enough to give him a few pats on the arm.

Dave, I'm sorry you feel bad about it, but you brought a lot of this on yourself. When you go on reality TV, you expose yourself to lots of situations where you might end up looking like a fool. The audience is going to call you on your moves. The other guests are going to call attention to your moves. Reality TV writers such as myself are going to point out your actions. I have it on good authority that Survivor: The Amazon winner Jenna said I wrote mean things about her. I really don't intend to come across as mean, but I am going to hold the people I write about accountable for their actions. You were the one that got drunk. You were the one who said you wanted to have sex with Alex. You were the one who told everybody to call you "Man-Boobs". You were the one who made the dinner-in-drag bet with Scott over the tennis match (you won, but you'd be moping even more if you lost). However, unlike many reality TV contestants, you're man enough to admit when things were your fault, and I can respect you for that. I think your reputation is in better shape than you think.

The next day, Matt arrives at the hotel in another sleeveless shirt, though he's wearing jeans instead of leather pants. Host Amanda introduces him to the group with the usual reminder that he'll be picking his roommate that evening after he gets to know the guests a little better. Hugs and handshakes are made, and they have drinks and get to know each other. Matt and Zack talk about hair; apparently Matt said every guy there had the same haircut, and Zack ripped on Matt's hair after that. That footage must have been edited out of the show, though it might be available on subscription video. They toast to the new guy, and then toast to Dave not being the new guy anymore. Matt tells them he feels like he knows them already, pointing out that Toni is emotional. He continues by saying that Zack gave him the thumbs down before he even said anything during the competition, and notes that all of them seem to be bodybuilders. He comments about the guys all doing the pushups in episode one, with Zack returning for a few extra. Zack isn't happy about the comment. Well, Zack, your actions can't be hidden for long on this show.

Amanda and Charla give Matt the full tour, with Toni noting she thinks guest Amanda will possibly talk to Matt a little more in order to make Beau shake his knees a little more. Toni thinks that's bull. Charla notes in confessional that all the guys get jealous when a new man arrives become they aren't the center of attention anymore. Later, Matt asks the guys what they think of the women. They tell him Amy is really fun, guest Amanda is really cool, Charla keeps to herself but is the biggest player in the game, and Kristin is really funny once you get to know her. Matt then asks about Dave. Apparently whenever Charla goes back to the room, he hovers after her; they feel that may mean he's in trouble. Cut to Dave telling Charla he's going to be a wreck until roommate selection. As for Matt, he's just going to have fun until the vote-off.

That evening, host Amanda brings Matt to the others so that he can pick his roommate. She asks him how his first day has been. "Amazing," he replies. "The view is beautiful." Host Amanda then asks him about the ladies. He responds by saying he was talking about the ladies. Host Amanda reminds the guests that once Matt has selected his roommate, one of the men will be spending the week alone in the single room. Matt begins by telling the guest they've all thrown him; their personalities are amazing. He tells Amy she's one of the most fun people he's ever met. He reminds guest Amanda that she made him sing on national TV, and asks her not to do that again. He indicates Charla is shy, and he'll have to bring her out somehow. He says he and Toni have a date for tomorrow morning working out. As for Kristin, he thinks her personality is really cool. Time to decide. His decision is... Charla! She's surprised. Dave isn't happy. In his confessional, Dave tells us his plan was to take Matt under his wing, but he's obviously made himself at home. However, that doesn't mean they are rivals. Host Amanda asks Charla how she feels. "Good; I haven't roomed with many people here. It will be interesting," she replies. Host Amanda asks Dave how he'll feel living in the black room. He says he'll be fine, and hopefully won't be too lonely. Host Amanda then reminds him that if he's still on his own at the end of the week, he'll be leaving Paradise Hotel forever.

Later, Alex asks Charla what she thinks about Matt picking her. She responds that she's flattered. When asked whom she'd prefer to live with, Dave or Matt, she says to ask her later, as she hasn't lived with Matt yet. Maybe they won't get along. Elsewhere, Matt asks Toni if Charla is like a little sister to her. She is. He reveals to her that he picked Charla because he wanted a roommate that would allow him to get to know everybody. Scott tells Charla he thinks Matt likes her, but is playing the game the hardest. However, Matt tells Toni he's just being himself, and that's how he's playing the game.

Dave packs up with Charla's help. She asks him if he's mad. Well, yes, he is, because he's all alone. He feels like he's moving out of his home. However, guest Amanda isn't alone in the Monkey Room. She and Alex get comfortable on the bed together. They discuss the fight Alex and Beau had a week or so ago. Alex says he's sexually frustrated, but guest Amanda tells him they can't do anything because of Beau. Then they speculate on what could happen if Beau left Paradise. Cut to Beau stating in his confessional that he's not going to backstab anybody and hopes nobody will do it to him. Uh, Beau, have you ever WATCHED a reality TV show before? He goes one to say that when it's all over, he and guest Amanda will be really good friends, but here and now, he's not going to take it anymore.

Beau tells Toni he wants to tell guest Amanda to be truthful to him. Meanwhile, guest Amanda asks Alex if she's told him that she really wants to hook up with him tonight. Alex feels the same way. Cut to Beau, who tells Toni he's going to give Alex the benefit of the doubt because he's his brother. Back to the bed with guest Amanda and Beau. They discuss that their previous roommates (Kristin and Beau) don't like to cuddle. It's why guest Amanda doesn't like sleeping with Beau. Alex asks her why they keep picking each other. "Because it's safe," she replies. Back to Beau, who relates that Alex said he was his best friend, and there's no way he'd go for that "stupid bitch." Cut back to Alex, who turns off the light, and says he's sleeping there tonight. As Beau says goodnight to Toni, Alex notes that he and guest Amanda will be in so much trouble if Beau walks in. However, he doesn't give a ****. As Beau walks towards the room, Alex says he better go before Beau catches them. Guest Amanda asks him to stay. He says he's sorry, but getting caught isn't something he wants to deal with. He grabs his pants, kisses her goodnight, and leaves just before Beau arrives.

Over in the Yellow Room, Matt apologizes to Charla for taking away Dave, and promises to be a gentleman for the first night. Charla tells him she's never just made out with somebody at a party. Matt asks her if she's ever done anything she considers sexy. Well, Charla thinks it's pretty sexy when girls make out. He asks her if she's done it. Yes, she has, and that's been her sexiest moment. Something tells me he'd have preferred to hear that she likes to make out with strange guys she hardly knows. He asks her how the massages are at the hotel. She loves them, and wishes she could have one every day. Matt tells her she can - if she has a cool roommate. He starts to give her a massage. Apparently, Matt touching her bare skin doesn't bother her like Dave did. Charla tells him she sucks at giving massages. He tells her she just needs to practice. He continues to massage her from close to her breasts to down on her thighs. He kisses her on the shoulder. She tells him she never thought she'd feel like this at the hotel. Later, she starts to massage his legs. During all of this, scenes of Dave snoring away in the single room are shown. It must be "Dump on Dave" week at Paradise Hotel.

The next morning, while the girls have breakfast, guest Amanda confesses she'd like to have Alex as her roommate in the next selection. Toni asks her if she's talked to Beau about that. No, she hasn't, but she says Beau has already told her he wasn't going to pick her. Toni responds that Beau is starting to question their trust. Toni says they should all work together as long as they can to keep their friends at the hotel. Guest Amanda tells her when it comes down to the nitty gritty, things are going to come down to breaking trust. Jumping to the subject of Matt, the girls all seem to like him.

Meanwhile, the boys are eating breakfast, and Dave's voiceover indicates he doesn't like Matt. He's never apologized to him for taking his room. However, Matt does ask Dave to run around with him and to play tennis. On the court, Dave asks Matt how his first night was. "Weird," he replies. Dave asks him what he and Charla did. Was it different from what he expected? "Extremely different. Charla shocked me," was his reply. He thinks he picked a good roommate. Dave agrees, noting he's been with her twice. We she flashbacks of the massage Matt and Charla shared, contrasted with her NO NO NO NO NO when Dave tried to climb into bed with her, and telling him not to make her uncomfortable. Dave then proceeds to lose the tennis match to Matt. Ouch.

Later on, the guests are poolside, and Dave gets a full view of Charla and Matt hanging out together. Charla giggles, and tells Matt she had nothing to say at breakfast. Guest Amanda had wanted to know what they did, and she just told her they talked. Matt proceeds to ask her if she wants to take "that" bath tonight. She smiles. He tells her they'll do it after everybody is asleep, and then have their late night talk then. Dave's confessional shows his thoughts on the subject: Matt seemed really cool at first, but then proceeded to take his room, beat him at tennis, and get a massage from Charla. Charla tells Matt she wants a nap, and he replies that later he'll come and cuddle underneath the covers with her. "Under the covers they can't see, they can only assume," is his logic. He then proceeds to stare at guest Amanda on her pool float, and says he thinks he'll jump in the pool because it's hot.

Charla leaves and Matt goes over to talk to guest Amanda. In voiceover, she tells us she just got out of a relationship and her relationships haven't been clear since she was fifteen. This is her chance to date. It’s hard, though, because her ex-boyfriend was wonderful and everything she was looking for in a guy. It's hard for her not compare the guys to her ex. She's either going to meet her real "Mr. Right", or her ex is still going to be it when the show' is over. Oh, Amanda, you won't have to wait that long! The scenes closes with guest Amanda and Matt floating together in the pool.

Later, Matt tells guest Amanda that she wanted a song, so she's going to get one. He plays "The Unfinished Song" for the group on his guitar, and sings the same lyrics he made up for her on selection night. He gets applause, which prompts Beau to write his own song about a cow. "I knew a cow, and it did not go 'meow', that's a cat... so how about that? Moo moo moo moo," he sings. He gets a laugh out of it at any rate. Afterwards, Matt and guest Amanda go back to her room, and climb into the bed. He tells her he wants to take a bubble bath, and the scene flashes back to where he told Charla the same thing. He goes on to tell her he's trying to get as close to her as she can, to which she replies "It's working." He then brings up the commandment about not stealing your neighbor's wife. They start to cuddle and kiss, then Beau walks in. While he brushes his teeth, Matt climbs on top of guest Amanda and starts kissing her, then gets off her and leaves the room before Beau comes back into the bedroom.

However, some relationships never change. Zack and Amy get into another fight, with him telling her she never takes any opportunities to get to know him. He wonders when she's going to ask him about his past. He goes on and says she slept with him, so he hoped she'd want to know more about him. Apparently Zack doesn't want any more surface relationships, he wants people to know who he is. He rants that people shouldn't call him family because nobody knows him. He's going to tell Toni at dinner, and hope it causes a blowout. He claims to have a colorful personality, but admits he's overbearing at times. He goes on to cite another missed opportunity Amy had to get to know him. Zack stalks into the ladies bathroom, and starts telling Kristin and guest Amanda that he's been there a month, but no girl has ever pulled him aside to get to know him. It's time for them to get to know the real him, not the surface him. He proceeds to tell Kristin that while she doesn't cry during evictions because she's not an emotional person, he doesn't cry because of something that happened in his past. He goes on to tell her that he did all of his crying when he was younger, and talks about how his parents had their first major fight when he was thirteen. He then starts doing some sobbing. Apparently he hasn't finished doing all the crying in his life.

Over lunch, a waiter delivers an envelope to Toni. It's another round of Pandora's Box, where each guest gets to write down a question they want answered by another guest, and put it in the box. That evening, the questions are read. The first one is for Dave: if he could send one girl and one guy back home tomorrow, who would it be and why? He says he doesn't want to send anybody home, but if he had to, he'd send Scott and Charla back. His reasoning is that since he's gotten to know them the best, he could hang out with them later, and spend the time to get to know the other guests better. Somehow, I think that's a less than honest answer. Matt's turn to answer a question. What girl does he think is the most trustworthy? He picks Toni, because she's his "den mother." He says he's been watching the show for a while, and she's the one he would trust. Toni has to field the next question, which states that it's obvious that she and guest Amanda don't get along. What's the reason? Toni responds that she thought guest Amanda was acting shady, flirting with Alex to piss off Beau, and questioning her friendship. She says that it's all water under the bridge, but there is still some distrust. Guest Amanda doesn't like that answer. Kristin's is asked what girl she can trust the most, and who she can trust the least, and why? She trusts Toni and Amy the most, but she'd never trust guest Amanda. Kristin doesn't get good vibes from her. Now guest Amanda is looking really unhappy.

The next question is for Beau. He's been acting insecure lately; why has his confidence dropped? He denies he's been insecure, but admits he's been sitting back and analyzing who is faithful to him... and who is not. Actions speak louder than words and he's finding out a lot. The next question indicates that Amy and Zack hook up a lot. How does she really feel about him? She says she thinks Zack is one of the most amazing guys she's ever met in her life. She goes on to reveal their conversation about her not getting to know him, but says she has a lot of feeling towards him. She wants it to happen, but not at the hotel. OK, I think we've just met the Queen of Shallow Relationships. He's good enough to jump into bed with, but she doesn't want to find out the real him. Hey, maybe she won't like him after that! The next card states that Alex keeps complaining about guest Amanda, but they flirt like crazy. Why is this? He admits he's said some bad things about her, and sometimes he dislikes her, but he has a love/hate relationship with her. He always speaks his mind, so when he's mad at her, he lets people know. Guest Amanda does the same thing to him. However, their trust has risen over the past few weeks. The last question of the night is for guest Amanda. "It's been said you don't find Beau attractive, and you don't feel bad that you've put him in a bad spot for this eviction. Why?" She says it's turned into a friendship and not an attraction with him anymore. Now Beau doesn't look happy. In confessional, guest Amanda tells us that she thinks things will get interesting, and some people are going to get hurt. Beau's confessional tells us that guest Amanda is playing dirty, and everything is being confirmed. While guest Amanda admits she's hurt Beau, Beau rants about Alex lying to him about the flirting. He fumes that "the past is haunting them."

So later, Beau confronts Alex while Scott and Dave watch. He's upset about the lies. Well, Beau, you were also upset about the truth a few episodes ago, so I guess you just can't win. Alex asks Beau if he indeed said he didn't like guest Amanda. He confirms it. "Then what is the problem?" asks Alex, as he holds up his hands. He goes on to say he's going to continue to flirt with her. However, at the moment, it's Matt she's flirting with inside the swimming pool. Actually, it's not just flirting, as they hug and kiss each other.

Later Beau and Alex resume their fight, in front of guest Amanda again. Beau rants that he can't trust his good friend's word, since he says one thing, and does another. Alex responds by stating what is obvious to everybody else: Beau has feelings for guest Amanda that he doesn't want to admit. If Beau doesn't care, then whatever is between him and guest Amanda shouldn't be his business. Guest Amanda proceeds to tell them they are repeating their first argument, where Beau accused her of flirting with Alex just to piss him off. She starts to cry and says she doesn't know what to think about them anymore, and doesn't want to deal with it anymore. However, Beau is still angry, and tells Alex that "sorry only goes so far." Alex responds that anything he does with guest Amanda is between him and her, and the next time it bothers him, call him out on it. Beau says it won't bother him anymore, because while he thought he had a friend, he now knows that the friendship is nothing. However, he's still glad he got to know him. He then points at Alex, tells him he just said he didn't care, and stalks out.

The next day, host Amanda comes out to greet the guests. She asks the guests if they are wondering why she's at the resort, and then says they like to juice things up at Paradise Hotel. She tells them she's warned them that behind every corner at Paradise Hotel waits a surprise. Host Amanda asks guest Amanda to stand up for her. She does, and tells her she has a surprise for her. With that, her ex-boyfriend, Jason, comes out, wearing a black necklace like the person in the single room has. Guest Amanda's jaw drops, and she covers her face with her hands, then hugs him. Everybody else laughs, except Toni, who also covers her face with her hands. "Why are you here?" guest Amanda asks. "Thought you'd be happy to see me," says Jason. They hug each other tightly as the guests watch with stunned expressions on their faces. "I love you," says guest Amanda.

Host Amanda tells the guests that, as they've probably figured out, the new guy is Amanda's ex-boyfriend, Jason. He's going to be the guest visitor for the next 48 hours. She tells them to enjoy their time. Guest Amanda makes the introductions, and shows him around the resort. Flashback to the first Pandora's Box game, where guest Amanda revealed that she cheats on her boyfriends when they don't make her happy. Zack notes that there'll be sex on the show now, then tells Amy "Other than us." Scott asks Beau if he and guest Amanda are now officially divorced, which prompts a chuckle. The guys ask Matt if he kissed guest Amanda last night. He admits he kissed everybody, and flashbacks are shown of him and guest Amanda in bed together. Zack starts singing about how guest Amanda keeps kissing new guys, but now her boyfriend is back. Plus, if Jason doesn't know, Zack is going to tell him all about her kissing and flirting. Voiceovers from guest Amanda tells us that her and Jason went together for a year and a half, and they broke up after she moved, and they couldn't handle the long distance relationship. Back in her bedroom, Jason asks her if Beau is possessive of her. She admits they went from just meeting to living together, knowing that they had to, and there was a lot of pressure. Flashbacks are shown of their initial relationship, including how she thought her mom would find Beau adorable. She admits there is a lot of kissing going on, but says she's only kissed Beau. Cut to flashbacks of her kissing Alex, Matt, and Zack. Jason tells her he's not mad at her for that. They then start kissing each other.

Outside, Beau and Alex start conspiring. Beau says that if Jason approaches them and tries to act like he's the big guy coming to rescue his girlfriend, he'll spill his guts about how guest Amanda has been acting at the resort. He also notes that he's not her boyfriend anymore. Oh wow, Beau, you've now managed to take the final step to hypocrisy. Do you see yourself in that particular mirror yet? Alex agrees he'll do the same thing. Nothing like a "stupid bitch" to get between two friends, and nothing like another guy to bring them back together, huh guys?

Back in the Monkey Room, guest Amanda ponders leaving the hotel. Jason tells her that anybody can leave at any time. She asks if that's something he wants her to do. He responds by telling her that he'd like to have her. She repeats the question, and he finally says "Yeah."

So we close out the show with host Amanda pondering whether guest Amanda will check out, or stay to find out how summer in Paradise ends. We get the reminder that next week, a man will check out, and two girls will compete for the chance to join the cast of Paradise Hotel, plus the usual plug for the web site, paradiseonfox.com.

One final note: I've had the impression I'd seen new guest Matt somewhere before, and finally realized where. He's actually an astonishing physical likeness of how I've always pictured radio talk show host Phil Hendrie's character Chris Norton. All he needs is Zack's ego, the inability to pronounce the letter X, a "sessy" voice, and to start breathing hard every time he sees a woman to make the image complete.

So will guest Amanda leave Paradise with Jason? Will Dave keep continue to be publicly humiliated? Will anybody get to know the real Zack, or will he spend the summer in shallow relationships and having loose sex? What's the big prize at the end? Which man will check out? Which vixen will check in? Stay tuned!

Jeffrey Clinard lives in Las Vegas, Nevada, with his cats, Lam and Princess. He can be reached at jclinard@flashmail.com.

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